One True Love: Alice & Jasper Cullen
by vicariousfiction
Summary: This is my interpretation of how both Alice & Jasper became vampires and their journey to each other. Hope you enjoy! AxJ Pre-Twilight, LEMON Alert.  Reviews are my candy so please indulge me.  NOW CONTINUED - I'm exploring their joining the Cullen's and possibly a few adventures on their way to ending up in Forks.
1. Chapter 1  Quick Decision  Alice

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight or any of it's characters**

**THANK YOU! to my beta hallee87 and baka-onna2003 who have taken my mental wanderings to a much higher level. Guys your beyond AWESOME!**

**REVIEW REQUEST: Please Review dear readers it helps fuel the fire of my imagination to know that out there are those interested in what my imagination has to share...**

**INSPIRATION: I wanted Alice's creator to have his own story, I hated that James had destroyed him, someone who had cared enough for Alice to try and save her. The more I thought about it the more a picture came together of who he could have been.**

**COMING NEXT: Awake - Alice's waking into her new life.**

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><p>Quick Decision<p>

He was a warrior of the old world, a time long forgotten. There was not a human he had met in his long life that could have survived the hardships of the simple day to day of his own human time. The conveniences of this modern world had softened them, yet they still took for granted the objects than ensured their very survival. He had witnessed with the passing of every century how they seemed determined to slowly kill themselves with the very progress they were so proud of. He had observed how the convenience of travel poisoned the very air that they breathed. The foods that they grew and concocted sometimes teamed with chemicals that helped lengthen the life of what was grown it while shortening the lives of those who consumed it. Every year saw foods, and lives, become less natural and more synthetic.

He smelled it in them, the changing of their bodies, unable to cope with the environment they were creating for themselves. Every progress killed what the natural world had evolved over millennia to perfection, the exact recipe for their nourishment. He mentally shook his head as he thought about his travels around the world. The inhabitants of the most rural places who still held to the traditions of eating off of the land smelled healthier, a definite difference to their more urban counterparts. So many insisted on consuming food that was becoming more and more unnatural and unhealthy. Though never appetizing, the smell of what they now ate was even more offensive than meals he had smelled cooking on campfires and fire pits so long ago, everything becoming a poison changing even the chemistry of their bodies. They were not wise in this course of action, he thought. Progress, it seemed, was the human way- progress with no regard to the true cost. How tragic to see them fight for things which held no true value. Had he been any different in his human life? Had his never ending existence given him a perspective they would never have…?

He had been a legend even before becoming an immortal. A warrior, stronger even at an old age, he had seen over fifty growing seasons pass before his transformation. He had been so proud, so sure of his completeness in just himself, never having found an equal in any of the warriors that he lead or fought against. He had never really wanted a wife and family, his serving woman administering to all his needs. Though he had wanted to have a child to train in the warrior ways, his ways, he was not willing to endure a wife. After a time he believed he had grown too old have for it to be an option. That all changed, he thought as he brought out one of the few memories he still had of his human life. A war council had been called. Too many of the villages to the north had been decimated, women and children defiled and killed in the most vile ways. Something had to be done.

He had walked in to the village so full of his own importance, so sure on his view of the world and his place in it. There she stood; he remembered his breath leaving his body at the sight of her. She had been so young, so beautiful, his Centehua, his warrior woman. Later, seated in the council chamber, he had been outraged that she had been allowed to attend a session meant only for the leaders of all the local villages. He was quickly silenced by the wise man, told shortly that she led the warriors from the southernmost tip of their territory. They had blamed hunting parties from the great temple; their warriors were known to decimate the smaller villages in search of human sacrifices, leaving death and destruction in their wake.

At his first site of her he had been determined to have her, to keep her for his own. His body reaction stronger than anything he had ever experienced before. He had approached her father, knowing his reputation alone would grant her to him. A miracle had happened; she had wanted to be his too. That first look into her eyes had shown him the same fire that burned in his own. She was not deterred by the fact that she was being given into the keeping of a man even older than her own father. His hair had begun to turn silver long ago though his back remained strong his instincts in battle still without equal. Even then he had thought he had been wiser than she, a rare smile touching his lips. She had shown him a wisdom stronger than war. She showed him love. Centehua had taught him how to open his heart and two years after their union they were gifted with a beautiful daughter, Teiuc. He felt the pain rip through his being thinking about them. He was given so little time to enjoy that life. It had all ended in blood and death. His small family shattered by his own arrogance.

He had walked in this second life for over six hundred years, the images of his first life fading long ago. Only shadows of memories remained. Almost all, he corrected himself softly, as the images of his wife and daughter passed before his minds eye. Their faces forever burned into his heart, their essence captured forever in his living memory, carried with him throughout his long existence. The love he had for them burned brightly within him and the guilt he felt at their deaths had found purpose in him. Though he could not express the agony of their loss with tears, it consumed his every thought guarded his every action. It was their memory that kept him as controlled as he was with his feeding.

The coven he had been created for had been unable to control him and had left him to his own. They had been wary of the strength and cunning he had shown so early in his creation. These memories drained him. He was so very weary of this life. He had found some redemption in his vow. After the tragedy of his family and his inability to destroy himself he had resolved to spend his second existence feeding only on the evil or dying. He was not a God but he felt, deep in the tarnished soul he knew he still possessed, that his mission held value and his every passing of judgment saved many innocent human lives.

Unhampered by the blind morals and ethics that the human mind selfishly contrived, he had easily elected himself as judge, jury, and executioner of worst of the human monsters. These monsters prayed on those weaker than themselves. He had set himself to this task in order to salvage his soul. The inspiration for his life's quest formed because of the last words his beloved had uttered as she died in his arms… at his hands.

"I forgive you, my love," she had choked out through the pain. "Find purpose and we will meet you in the garden of our gods…" the words gargling out the last of her life. Loving him even as she cried with the pain of his attack. Loving him even as Teiucs' body lay broken and drained beside them.

The memories of his wife and daughter had been embedded into his very being through his transformation, beacons of love that had not burned away. The separation from his family had been unbearable. He had been desperate to see them. Five months after his creation he had decided to go to them. Hid new kind had warned him that he was too newly created to go near his human family. His creator, a vampire of over a thousand years, had cautioned him, telling him that he could not go back if he still truly loved his family, his instincts and strength were too much for their human world. He had laughed at Afiuss' foreboding. Believing himself too strong to hurt them, stronger than any of the others, so confident that he could do anything. His family had paid for his misplaced self-confidence.

He had only meant to hug his little daughter… instead he had crushed her. The blood that had trickled from her mouth had quickly awoken the demon and… and… the pain as sharp this day as it had been so long ago. He had mercilessly killed his beautiful wife and daughter in the throes of the thing that had proved stronger than his will, his thirst for human blood. If he had only waited till he had better control, if he had only been stronger… His body and soul ached with the remembering. He shook his head sadly. The present always offered more wisdom than the past, something he had long ago accepted. His memories always illuminated every "what if" into a painful and excruciating torment. He had been newly created and unable to control the monster that lived in him. He had been a savage, thinking nothing of killing; his lust for blood so strong it gave even his own kind pause it had taken this greatest act of evil to control his thirst. Too late! Always to late...

He hoped as he had so many times before that he was almost finished with this second life. Yet as the years passed into decades and then into centuries he found that there was always some justice that needed to be dispensed. Just one more act to avenge, always one more human to gently move on to the next life. There were always monsters and the victims they left behind.

He had long ago ritualized his preparation for judgment or salvation. Feeding off of animals, though he found their blood bitter and unappetizing, helped keep the killing thirst at bay. He sought his next victim only after he had total control of his demon. He obtained every piece of available evidence as to the guilt or need of his next human feeding. He meditated on each act solemnly before setting his course never deviating once his path had been determined. Above all he was always in full control.

He had learned 'techniques'; he laughed at the word, when on his missions. Rarely breathing in the presence of any human, planning every step of his attack, leaving not even the smallest detail to chance. If he had to enter a building he memorized every floor plan memorizing every escape route. If he was out in the open the attack only happened at night, the sun on his skin making it impossible to go unnoticed during the daylight hours. There had been a few times where his query had been alone and, since his judgment of the evil included torture, he thought nothing of showing his true self in those instances.

He had vowed after having taken those precious lives on that fateful day that he would never let the monster take him over so completely. He had kept to that vow, not once wavering in his commitment. His mission was too important. Time, and the experience it brought, had taught him that he had to be meticulous with his missions. He had only one experience with the judgment of their kind, the Volturi. He had only been a witness then but it had sobered him. He would not do anything to bring on their wrath by being careless with any of his tasks.

Humans were so often, prone to self destruction and malice. This latest accounting had let loose his rage, an aberration from his usual behavior. He had first heard of the brutality being committed at the small mental hospital in Mississippi from a passing nomad, another vampire he had encountered just outside of a small town called Gilroy in California over eight months back. The nomad had laughed at how easily he had been able to feed off of three humans and leave without detection. He had stayed close, listening for any news of the deaths but had heard not a word in the days that followed. He went on to tell him of the screams of the patients being administered electroshock treatment, a favorite in these dark times. He had recounted the sounds of women begging for mercy as the orderlies, charged with caring for them, raped and beat them in the rooms around him.

He had wanted to rush to his judgment but had slowed himself down, had kept to his ritual. Creating the new identity required time and patience before heading towards this malignant house of horrors. He followed his ritual, taken the steps he needed to enter the facility with easy access to all the guilty.

There were six in total, their records showing past transgressions that human law had found, taken to trial but then dismissed. He seethed at the uselessness of that law, a law that allowed evil too many avenues of escape while victims were left to suffer. He meant to make each offender to pay with his life. In full control of the monster within, he entered the building containing his prey. He remembered, as he passed through the doors, the nomads he had encountered the day before just outside of the city. He had caught their scent and approached them out of curiosity. He had been quickly disgusted by their total embrace of their demons. The two immortals had talked casually of the torture and murder which accompanied their feedings. As if the gruesome acts they committed on their human victims were a game, taking a special pleasure in the very young whose lives were rich and full of promise, they reveled in their destruction. He had been unable to hide his revulsion and had left their company. The young man, James, had been especially cruel and his mate seemed to relish in his enjoyment of the suffering of any living creature.

He approached the nurse at the front desk and provided her with the paperwork that would allow his campaign of terror. His eyes were golden now due to his feeding of off animals in the last eight months so he looked directly into her eyes as she took his papers, though soon they would be red and he would avoid all gazes. His documents proclaimed him as Dr. Sebastian Hinojosa, a visiting psychiatrist from Mexico City. He was here to do a study on the electroshock therapy techniques employed by Dr. Phillip Carstan. Inside his anger simmered at the malevolence in this human, how little he valued his own kind, enough to incite a monster to come and destroy him and his. He had come for that man, Carstan, and the five others he had personally hired. These men wallowed in the misery of others; they used their authority to administer cruelty to those they had sworn to protect. But their time had come and soon they would suffer for their sins. He knew that others would take their place and he was ready to start his hunt, one human monster at a time. The doctor and his accomplices were not the first and probably not the last.

In the months that followed his mission changed. The change came in the slight form of a girl. On his first inspection of the hospital he had found her. He had entered a room dark to the human eye and his life had changed. Though he knew that he had made no sound on entering she had turned to look at him, as he approached her, almost as if she could see him in the darkness. Her hair was short as if recently shaved and her thin arms were wrapped around her body, a long sleeved gown covering her from her neck to her tiny feet. As he looked upon her face his heart all but exploded. "Teiuc!" his mind shouted. His daughter! The young girl smiled a smile so bright it had lit up his darkness. Her startling, dark brown eyes gazed into his as if saying, "There you are… I'm so glad you came." Not Teiuc then. His heart shattered and screamed as he took in her pale skin and the different hue of her brown eyes. As he continued to gaze at her he was captured by uncanny resemblance in her features to his long dead daughter. In that first sight something had been awoken in him, something he had thought long dead as he gazed at her. At the same time he took note that even as she found herself in the most hopeless of situations her eyes defied her circumstances and seemed to shine with trust and confidence, as if she knew he had come to save her.

"Hello," she had said. "I've seen you coming for months now."

He looked down at her, unsure of how to respond.

"It's ok you know. I love you too," she had said softly. "My name is Alice," she chuckled weakly, "just so you know".

He was surprised, for she seemed to understand how utterly she had changed him.

"I think it will end badly for you," she paused sadly. Her eyes went blank for a moment continuing, "but I'm not sure- I can't see you very well." She finished her statement in a whisper before closing her eyes once again.

He understood then, he understood why she was here. She was a seer! How these modern humans could treat such a gift was beyond any words he possessed! In his first life they were treated with respect, revered and held in a place of honor in the villages of his human world.

"I think you will be meeting with your family soon," she continued. "I see a woman and child, she looks so much like you," the girl breathed out lightly. "They're fading; the light is getting too bright." Her body shuddered and she went limp.

More understanding dawned; he had seen it before, moments of cognizance for minds so badly damaged by the latest form of treatment for the mentally ill. He debated quickly. Could she be saved? Could he take her somewhere and treat her? He had the knowledge to at least try but could he? He was only around humans when he had found a purpose. Staying only long enough to accomplish his task but never long enough to fall pray to the never-ending hunger that lived in him. He had to try! So began his routine every evening he would bring her gifts of food and he would watch over her always careful to keep his monster closely leashed in her presence. He managed to disallow all treatment though he knew that he could do that for only so long. Meanwhile he began his work, one man at a time.

Slowly each man was driven into an atmosphere of paranoia and fear. He whispered their deeds to them, his speed such that he could come up to the back of each man in turn, disappearing before they knew he was even there. He spent weeks on each, building their terror to fever pitch. He was careful to take their lives outside of the hospital. Each orderly died a painful death; their body left so broken no one would be able to have identified their remains. None had been given a reprieve, each had been taken far into the depths of a nearby forest where he slowly crushed and drained the life out of each man.

During his time there the staff became wary something was wrong and thought they could not name it they could feel the dread that was slowly spreading through the halls. His final victim was the only one seemingly unaffected. His uncaring demeanor at the disappearances of his fellow monsters was not surprising considering his lack of feeling towards human life in general. He had thought that he could keep Alice safe until his work was done but on the first day of the sixth month he found her gone from her room. He quickly searched for her uncaring if human eyes caught site of his speed. Deep inside he knew where she had been taken and headed there without delay.

Entering the room his first thought was that she was too small and delicate to be held here. She laid quietly on the gurney, eyes glassy and empty. As he moved closer he could smell the sweat and human waste that had not been cleaned from her frail body. She laid motionless, her faint heartbeat telling him that she was still alive, that they had not killed her. The room was dim and cold; the sound of dripping water could be heard in the stillness. The walls and floor were tiled in white and a drain was conveniently installed in the middle of the floor. No windows gave witness to the dying of the day. He fell to his knees; he had failed yet again to protect what was most precious. His body shivered with disgust, he had left only for a few hours and she had been taken and tortured. The room still reeked of the shock treatment so recently administered.

The distinctive sound of footsteps told him the doctor was coming. He liked to gloat over his victims claiming his devotion, his dedication to cure what was wrong. Sebastian determined he would be entering the room in a minute or so. His only question was whether or not he could save this girl, whether he could put her out of her misery or not. The thought twisted in him, his soul screamed a resounding NO to ending her life. He never allowed the damaged to suffer unnecessarily nor did he sink so low as to allow them a slow tortured death. The agony he saved for their tormentors for the defenseless he simply helped send them to the next world as painlessly as possible.

As he stood beside the beautiful young girl, no more than eighteen or twenty, her features so much like his young daughter, he found his answer. He would turn her; his venom could heal her and he could have a companion, a partner and apprentice who could help him in his quest to redeem his soul. Her words had renewed his hope. He would be seeing his family one day. He had been on the right path. He closed his eyes and a joy and peace he had not felt before in this undead life entered his being. As he looked down on her still figure he relished the thought. From now at least he would not be alone and he could teach her his way of life.

The doctor entered the room, stopping short as he saw him standing by his latest experiment.

"Sebastian?" the doctor called arrogantly. "This room is for senior hospital staff only!"

Sebastian turned, ready to pass judgment. He could smell the instant that fear began rolling off of the weaker man as he finally got a good look at his face, at the hard, handsome features and the bright red eyes. Sebastian let loose his own demon, though still tightly leashed getting him poised for attack.

"You have wasted and corrupted the gift that is your life with the torture of the weak." He spoke just above a whisper menacingly; his voice deep and filled with contempt. "I declare you unworthy of the life you have been given and I sentence you to death." He had reached the doctor before he had a chance to react, cradling the right side of his head and leaned in as if to kiss the man's neck. Instead he tore into the vain that lived there and fed, taking in the fluid that provided him his strength. Gripping him hard enough to break bone and cause as much pain as he could he took the doctors life with little satisfaction, he had planned a drawn out torture for him, but his anger at his failure was too much to wait. As the doctor died in silent agony he let the body fall to the floor. As he reined in his demon the girl stirred behind him. He waited a moment before turning not wanting to make any mistakes, wanting to be sure he was still in full control.

"He's coming!" the young girl whispered in terror "He's coming now!"

For once confused, Sebastian turned and moved towards her releasing her bindings while ignoring the smell of sweat and filth that clung to her.

"Hurry," she whispered blindly, "we don't have much time!" Terror permeated every word.

Sebastian stopped; there was no one she needed to fear. He was stronger and faster than any of her tormentors. Then he smelled it, pulled into the small room by the stale air circulating in through the transom just above the door. Vampire! There was a vampire here and he recognized the scent. It was James! How? Why was he here?

"Old man I don't take insults so easily…" As if in response to his silent query, James called "I think we need to talk this over," he continued, menace and laughter ringing in his voice. "You've hurt my feelings!"

Sebastian had talked of his life with the two young nomads, in his short time with them, of his mission, his quest and had not hidden his distaste of the way they lived their second lives. He had tried to make them see the responsibility that they held because of their strength, power and longevity. James had laughed and called him a fool. It had been a mistake to seek out his own kind, which was why he had quickly left their company saying that they would simply agree to disagree.

"Where are you old man," James continued, his voice and scent getting stronger.

Sebastian knew that the mate had to be around as well, the red headed witch, the one who had laughed as she had unashamedly groped her partner in full view of their guest, delighting in his tales of horror.

He needed to get the girl out of here and find a safe place for the transformation, far away from the approaching menace.

"Alice… Alice I'm so sorry… I… I failed you! I don't know how he found me or why," he whispered as he picked her up carefully. He swept silently through the dark corridors searching his mind for the quickest escape. As he looked into her young face, his resolve to save her strengthened. She was truly the image of his little Teiuc, though her eyes had been a different shade of brown and her skin had had a honey tone. He moved quickly wasting no movements in his determination to leave this place.

"He's going to be here soon, I just can't let him have you." His voice thick was with anxiety and fear. Fear that she would face the fate of so many other luckless humans at the hands of the two demons that now stalked him should he fail in protecting her.

As he reached the door that led to the stairwell he quickly swung it open, instantly scenting the female. Fluidly he turned back around before the door had even finished its opening swing. He headed down a connecting hallway and ran with blinding speed entering the room at the end of the hall. Doors would not protect them, he needed to get them out!"

"James, he's carrying a human," the female screeched laughingly.

"Ahh," James exclaimed equally amused, "a prize for our little game".

Carefully holding the precious life in his hands he took a chair and broke the window, not wanting to harm her by simply jumping through the glass with her in his arms. He flew quickly after, gracefully landing on the ground and immediately running through the grounds. Running with no destination in mind, he moved quickly, a blur speeding away from the two vampires who had yet to reach the window.

After a time he came into a heavily wooded area and stopped to give her the transforming bite. He laid her on the ground carefully and as chastely as possible lifted the side of her gown hoping to put the bite on her hip, but as he looked down to complete his task he stopped short. Lifting the gown completely he was horror struck, shocked at the site that greeted him. Her entire body was a patchwork of scars, no part left untouched. Resolved to finding as inconspicuous a place so as not to leave his more permanent scar in a noticeable area he bit her quickly allowing as much of his venom to flow into the wound as he felt he had time for before quickly sealing it. His bloodlust was not even present, as he tasted her just the instinct to protect flowing through him.

"I'm so sorry, little one, there is no other way…" He began to run again. "I must save you!" Lengthening his stride he shot forward holding the writhing figure in his arms for minutes... hours... days...

It had been almost three full days of running when he stopped again, he knew that he was still being pursued, but young Alice's transformation was coming to an end. Her body had writhed in agony but she had not once made a sound. Gently he placed her on the ground covering her up with leaves, though not sure why, it would not hide her scent. For the first time in his existence he was unsure of what to do, he needed to find a way to keep Alice safe. He was glad that he had fed so well at the hospital. It had allowed him to come this far. He had pushed himself beyond his limits to get her away, but now the burn in his throat was testament to his need to feed. He would do all he could to destroy the two vile creatures that hunted them and keep her safe, even if it meant his end.

"If we should part my little Alice… I hope you find joy in this new life, it is a burden and a sacrifice…" He paused not sure what to add, "but I hope it brings you more than your first has done." Quickly he turned and ran faster, than he ever had before, in the direction he had come from.

Soon enough he could hear them, they were not being careful to mask their approach. Why would they make him aware of their presence?

"Old man, you've given us quite a chase," James laughed speaking jovially, his voice never matching the horror of his intentions.

"You and your little human pet," the female cackled from the opposite direction.

"We had to stop and feed quickly, you quite ruined that meal for us," he continued, pausing as if waiting for a response.

Sebastian knew in that moment that his time had finally come. He could hear the whispers of his little family bidding him to come home, voices he had not heard in an age. Closing his eyes he hoped Alice would survive, hoped she would find meaning to this life. There was no more guilt or anger; all fear was wiped clean from him. He looked forward to finally being with his wife and daughter. He would fight of course, determined to give Alice every chance he could. His soul rejoiced for he would die as the warrior he had always been.

He turned slowly, the instincts that had been burned into him at his transformation told him of the female's intentions. She would attack first and try to hold him as James tortured and mutilated Alice. James wanted to see his pain. Alice was unimportant, simply a tool for his torture. Sebastian's plan was simple- he would run, leading them as far away from her as he could. Once the transformation was over she would be strong. Her time was close- he had felt the final rush of her body starting as he had left her. He would inflict as much damage to the two tormentors as his final act in this world.

During their escape he had whispered of his life to her, the tale of the loss of his family, his mission to salvage his soul. He talked of those few humans he had met on his journey who had seen him as savior and not demon. He told her of his one human friend Joseph who had helped him for over fifty years on his mission. He had first joined him with the purpose of avenging the family he had lost to group of marauders. He stayed with him after because of a deep respect and brotherhood they had found in each other. His friendship had taught him how to laugh again, how to remember his family with love just as Joseph did. He shared the dark time when his friend had died of old age, having been offered but not accepted transformation. He was buried near the spot where his wife and daughter rested. He had whispered softly the sacred location.

He talked of the families he had helped, who he tracked through the generations stepping in from time to time to keep them safe. He had helped thousands of families in his second life. The impact he hoped would make a difference when facing the judgment of his gods. And the last thing he whispered was his human name, Chimalli, remembered from many lifetimes ago. She never woke never spoke, simply writhed with the pain of venom transforming every part and cell of her body. But he knew that in her somewhere lived his story, maybe never to be remembered but there nonetheless, spoken at least once out loud into the world. He had lived. He had mattered. He had sacrificed and paid his price.

As he stood there waiting for the female to attack he plotted his course. The feeling of rightness washed over him once again. This was all meant to be, he was meant to save this girl. He was finally granted the means to leave this world with honor, an unexpected gift. Closing his eyes briefly he said a prayer to his gods asking for their guidance and strength, everything he needed to keep Alice alive and safe.

The wind whipped as the female attacked from behind, as he knew she would. Chimalli turned blurring as he faced her quickly he grabbed her arms jumping over her head and twisting them behind her, holding her before him he ran at his full speed. Her surprise so complete she was momentarily silent. Keeping a strong hold on both of her arms, the wind whistled past them as he pushed himself faster his momentum not allowing her to change their direction or hamper their speed. He had always been strong, always had a sixth sense to attack and strategy. Looking ahead he saw the cliff just above a rushing river.

Without missing stride, he jumped, tearing off her right arm as they fell, tossing it into the flowing river as hard and as far as he could. At the same time he changed his hold by encircling her remaining arm and torso as they fell into the water. He continued his run underwater reaching other side in seconds. Rushing between trees he did not hear James in pursuit of the female. It briefly occurred to him that he had never learned her name. It did not matter. Chimalli was sure Alice only needed a few more moments for her change to be complete but he would hold for as long as he could.

The sounds of pursuit resumed and Chimalli felt his time running out. He rounded a boulder with his screaming, writhing captive. He slammed her into the rock face with all his might as she cursed at him words he had never heard out of the mouth of a woman, further disgusting him with her lack of femininity. He shoved her onto the bolder bending her backwards in an effort to tear her in half but only managing to break her back, his strength waning. That would take some time to mend, he thought grimly. He heard James getting closer and quickly lifted the boulder dropping her in and sealing her underneath. She could free herself, but it would take some time with a broken back and a missing arm he almost smiled at that.

Turning he began to run again relishing he knew for the last time the feel of the wind whipping by him and the smell of the sun and the trees. The world he had come to appreciate in his silent moments of meditation and reflection. Then James fell on him from above pushing his face into the ground as he grabbed both his arms and pulled them back. He had found a perfect ambush in the trees.

"You turned her!" James screeched almost reaching the pitch of his female." You've taken my prize!"

He screamed. The air was filed with a sound of twisting metal as he ripped Chimalli's arms off with a brutal, hard strength. "I was only going to play with you," James lied, "but now I will destroy you!"

Chimalli closed his eyes knowing his head was next, the pain meant nothing. His thoughts rested briefly on Alice and then centered on the faces of his wife and daughter. Giving his last prayer to the world, he said his farewell and started on his passage home.

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><p><strong>So my dear readers what did you think?<strong>

**What do you think of Alice's Creator?**

**What about James and his unnamed 'mate'?**

**Let me know by giving me a review :) it would be much appreciated! And as always thank you for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2  Awake  Alice

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight or any of it's characters but so grateful that Stephenie Meyer shared them with us :)**

**Hello my fellow Twilighters, I've made quite a few changes (10/6/11) hope the've made this a better read. I hope you enjoy the latest venture into my imagination, please let me know your thoughts, any changes you feel should be made. Spelling and grammar are not my strong suit and I welcome any critical review that will help improve the story. Reviews please please please….**

**INSPIRATION: I of course wondered what Alice's waking had been like and still wanted to see how to fit in bit's and pieces of who she had been into the telling of this experience for her. I hope you like what I imagined.**

**COMING NEXT: A Southern Gentleman - Jaspers transformation, and first experience in his new life.**

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><p>Awake<p>

What was this? This pain? It felt as if I had been placed onto a burning pyre. Only two minutes had passed since I had returned to awareness, though how I could judge time I was not completely certain. I had always been able to go inside myself during these moments, but this time the sensations were exponentially worse. How could I continue to exist? Couldn't they just kill me? Please just let me die! I screamed it over and over in my mind, long to practiced in keeping my pain silent, knowing that if I put voice to my agony they only made it worse... I was in darkness though… Why was there pain in the dark? Still darkness was familiar to me, yet somehow I knew that this time if I opened my eyes there would be light.

Amidst the burning I was uncomfortably aware of that familiar sour smell and as I thought on it I began to find it growing stronger. So quickly it was becoming overwhelming as if my sense of smell were becoming a thousand times stronger, as if the hotter I burned the stronger that sense became. Still, it was something I should be used to because... but as I tried to think of the reason it went beyond my grasp my pain making thought difficult.

This pain! This pain was so much more than they had ever inflicted on me before, I had lived in a state of constant suffering for so long my mind had created ways to retreat, to keep me hidden and safe from it. What was different?

Everything seemed stronger more intense, how could this be possible? Hadn't they done enough? I wanted to shout, to scream, to beg them to stop! I wanted cry out at the top of my lungs for mercy. They had finally won. I had finally given in. Did they have to continue with this torture? They had finally taken the whole of me! I could not hide from this new pain. Couldn't they just let me go! I wanted to weep, I had held to hope for so long, that someone would come for me, save me, and now I could not hold out any longer. Why was I so close to begging? Hadn't I learned to bury myself so deep inside my mind that even pain could not reach me? My body had become only a vessel to be visited when I was left in the darkness. I had thought they had reached the limit of what they were able to inflict on me... They?... I could not remember who THEY were. I could not remember…

Trying to reach for something familiar I concentrated on the darkness, darkness usually meant no more torture, no more pain. This time it was a different, it… felt… temporary. As if I could wish it away and bring in the light. The fear that I associated with leaving the other darkness was gone. Other darkness? I reached for those memories but they kept slipping through my fingers. As I grasped at them I suddenly wondered, why? All I saw there were the faces of my tormentors, cold and uncaring men, women, all demons who had treated me as if I were something evil, something disposable. Were they right? Was I so damaged that no one could care for me, maybe even love me?

No! I was not evil! There had always been a place deep within me that that held a light, a love that held me close in my darkest moments, it had whispered it's love, had given me peace even amidst my loneliness and pain. I was blameless it had told me. I had done nothing wrong, they were evil not me! The old feelings came back to me, though faint, but these too were fading into nothing. Had they finally broken me? They always seemed to be whispering and sometimes even shouting at me of the evil they saw in me something that needed to be burned away... My heart beat faster and harder than it ever had before at that thought. Had they set me on fire? Were they finally burning me whole in hopes of killing whatever it was they saw living in me? I could not bring myself to open my eyes and bear witness to my final moments amidst the flames.

Hope still lived in me though. The faith that my next life would be better, that it would hold some peace, some happiness. I could not seem to remember very much about my old life. It was like viewing a film I saw scenes of torture, the physical agony I had endured yet… it seemed to be disappearing. Desperately wanting to hold on to at least who I was I kept reaching for myself, I wanted to at least keep that, the me I had buried deep so long ago. I found I could remember my name, it was... Alice.

I had been waiting for the pain to come again laying in a room that was shrouded, not completely dark but dim, just waiting for them to come back and turn on that machine. Then someone had entered, I had knew him, I knew he would come for me, my little voice had told me. I had turned and then... then... I was set on fire and I had felt the wind rushing as if I were flying. There was also a story, I had heard a man whispering to me about his life, no of lifetimes spent helping others but those memories too were slipping away, though this time I reached harder for them wanting to keep the face of the man who had saved me. Saved me? From what? I couldn't put a reason behind the statement as those memories too faded away. Who did I need saving from?

As I tried to look into my memories they turned to grains of sand and slipped through my fingers. Faces and voices flashing and disappearing into nothing. A sadness began to envelop me and I moved for the first time a rushing washing over my body, the fire finding its way to my heart. I felt the battle as my heart resisted pumping harder and harder, fighting to keep life. The end was near, I could feel it.

The vision began simply, taking me away from the pain of death. He was holding me again... Who was holding me? It was him... Jasper, the other half of my soul, the feel of his arms around me comforted a broken place deep inside. I needed his devotion, his love. He was so powerful, so dangerous, yet he held me as if I were made of spun glass. Every stroke of his finger on my shoulder drew out a sensual shiver down my body. He leaned in close, and I felt his sweet breath whisper over my skin as he spoke the familiar word so low only I could hear. "You are my life!" The soft southern drawl curling the words deliciously, his voice so full of love it physically touched me. I turned in his embrace gazing into his golden eyes, framed by his beautiful golden waves of hair, I moving my face closer my lips reaching for his. I wanted to drown in the passion coursing through my entire being, I wanted him to show him everything he made me feel. Then fate laughed making his image shimmer, blur and fade leaving behind a feeling of love so strong it enveloped me. I wanted to cry out my pain… Bring him back! My light, my voice of love…

My heart was failing but I did not care. I felt a scream building in my mind but before I could let it loose I heard laughter. The vision shimmered in and became solid. They were breathtakingly beautiful, pale and perfect, their eyes golden. Something about them seemed different, not quite human yet utterly familiar. I first noticed the two women, one an impossibly beautiful blond, something about her was comfortable but aggravating at the same time. The other was a gorgeous brunette, looking at her filled me with love, affection and a kind of devotion I was unfamiliar with. I had never felt anything like this before. Before?… These people, this place felt right, I felt that I belonged there with them. There were also four men but once I saw Jasper I could not look away, I lifted my hand as if I could reach out and touch him. Their laughter was different from what I remembered, friendly and familiar not cruel. Cruel? Why would I think laughter was cruel? But as I reached for the reason that too faded into nothing along with the vision.

With no pause a new vision shimmered and solidified. The landscape blurred as a couple sat in a car speeding down the road, I could not make out their features but I could hear their voices.

"Tell me why you hunt animals instead of people," The young woman asked.

"I don't want to be a monster" he responded.

Why would he hunt people? I felt a shiver at the thought. As I studied his profile I could almost feel the weight of his sadness as he looked at his companion, a look so full of longing it twisted my heart. This vision too faded from my mind and the darkness returned and with it the sound of the day and the burning of my entire being.

Birds were chirping in the trees a gentle breeze blowing through the leaves and grass, a group of ants were marching across a log. Ants? How could I hear ants? Was that possible? And as I formed the thought I realized that I could. I even heard the rush of a river that was about three miles west of where I lay. The same breeze whispered through the leaves that covered me and I decided it was time to open my eyes.

My heart lurched huskily once then twice and finally ceased. With it came relief, the pain had evaporated, it's absence leaving a feeling of relief so strong it was almost overwhelming. But why was I still here?

How was this possible? Shouldn't I be nothing but charred flesh? Was I somehow transported to the next life? At the same time I wondered... Was I outdoors? I couldn't help my excitement. I was never allowed outside the walls of my prison... My prison? Where were my memories? The references that could define my confusion?

I sat up quickly with a start. I had to be dead! I was finally free! That is when I realized that I was wearing the awful stench, the smell that had only increased in strength throughout my suffering. I was wearing a thin hospital gown that reeked of sweat and filth. With no regard to leaving myself naked I removed it quickly refusing to have something so foul that close to my skin. As I looked down at myself I realized something was not right, my skin was pale and perfect, somehow I knew it was impermeable. It was as though my personal guardian had created me stronger in this next life. My body was beautifully formed, every part of me that I could see was perfect, my breasts, my legs even my toes! Everything about me was perfect. As I continued my assessments I noted that all my scars seemed to have disappeared. And my hair was… My hair? I had hair? As I ran my hands through the wispy lengths I almost cried. They had keep my head shaved for so long, I had forgotten the feel of my own hair. As I continued I noticed my wrists no longer bore the marks of having been bound hundreds maybe thousands of times, I didn't feel any raised skin on any part of my body as I used my hands to run down my back my legs to make sure they were all gone all the physical reminders of my suffering had been erased. There was a small raised scar on my hip but it was so small it was barely there. As I touched my face I did not recognize my features. My memories were still slipping away, I did not recognize myself. Was I really dead? Had I truly died? Was I in heaven?

Then there was a burning, this was a different burning. It was localized in my throat. A thirst like none I had ever experienced before. Was I possibly in hell? Where was I, who was I?

"You are a demon sent to punish us!" A woman's voice screeched inside my own mind though I still twirled to see who it was but even before I finished the motion it faded away as it did all of my passed flashed to quickly for sense and vanished as if they had never been, leaving behind a self that had survived and had been transformed into something stronger, beautiful and before the thought could fully form, of what had been, it was gone...

Panic was setting in while the burning in my throat reached new levels of agony as if mounting with every breath that I took. In response to the thought I quickly stopped breathing. It did not lesson the discomfort, the burning continued and I quickly realized I could hold my breath with no difficulty. I did not need to breathe! But my sense of taste and smell were gone so I quickly resumed taking a breath in and out.

I was dead!... I had to be dead! How else could I hold my breath and not need the air? I put my hand to my chest hoping to feel the beat of my heart and panicked when I realized it was not there. Were there no heartbeats in this new life?

As I thought about standing I was surprised to find I was already on my feet as if my thoughts were action. Was I dreaming? Nothing about me was familiar… Though as I tried to think about it I could not remember what was supposed to be familiar. Outside of my own name I really couldn't hold a picture in my mind of what I was supposed to recognize. Why was I here, why had I been wearing that filthy gown, why had I been covered in dead leaves?

And then something in my mind shifted fogging the present and opening a window to something else.

"We are Vampires, though different than the others. We live off of the blood of animals and not humans" The handsome blond man stated calmly. A woman was crouched before him as if ready to attack. She was beautiful, pale with vivid red eyes. Her dark brown hair framed a lovely face, a familiar face. At his words she straightened looking at him with a terribly sad and worried expression. "I'm so scared, I.. I... I don't know if I can do this!" Her voice trembled out, still managing to come out clear and arresting almost mesmerizing. "I don't want to kill anyone" her voice trailed of with a delicate tremble.

"We will help you, we will keep you safe until your strong enough" the handsome blond man responded and he seemed to be making a promise with each word. Then gesturing towards the door he continued "we can teach you to hunt, it will relieve the burning your feeling right now" he carefully turned to the younger man by his side "Edward, shall we go?" the blond man asked. The younger man was equally pale and equally beautiful, and equally familiar. The vision faded and shimmered as they turned towards a door. I should know who they were! I felt it deep inside myself.

As I came back to myself I looked around cautiously, what was I supposed to do? I felt so alone and lost. I had no idea what I was, and the vision I had just witnessed scared me. Vampire? Was that what I was? Was I demon? Had I come from some sort of hell? Was I meant to kill and destroy. The thought felt so wrong, a complete opposite of who I was of who I knew I was despite my lack of memory. As the panic began again my vision shifted once more.

"We are a family you know" The same beautiful woman from my previous vision whispered to me gently, lovingly. She sat beside me, her arms tightly holding me close. She was trying to comfort, her eyes had changed to a beautiful golden hue. Their color somehow gave me a sense of hope and peace. I was so sad and lost "We fight for each other... we help each other" She stroked my hair as she spoke. "It's not always easy Alice, this life is a struggle against our thirst, It's not easy for any of us, even Carlisle" She continued rubbing my shoulder trying to make me feel her empathy. "We just need to keep working with him" leaning her head onto my shoulder she whispered "I'm so glad to have you here. Every single one of you. You and Jasper, Edward, Emmet and yes even Rosalie" she tried to lighten the mood. "All of my wonderful children" her words filled with such love, it made me feel a part of something incredible, something truly special. She turned to look directly in my eyes "I will always love each of you no matter what, always, my love for each of you is unshakable" she hugged me fiercely and the vision shimmered and faded away. Leaving behind a gift, a feeling of belonging, of knowing that somewhere out there was a destiny, one filled with family, with acceptance and most staggering with love. It filled me all my hope in this moment real and tangible like a dream I had always wanted.

Hugging myself the feeling of belonging remained as I did so I remembered, I was naked! Ok, first things first I needed to get some clothes! Just as I turned to decide on a destination the burning in my throat reminded me that apparently I needed to find a meal, an animal, I realized. I certainly didn't want to kill any humans and I certainly did not want to be a monster.

It turned out to be a very messy business. I had to laugh at my lone attempt at hunting. Thankfully I had no clothes to get dirty so I guess it wasn't a bad first attempt. I would just need to practice and practice and practice. I smiled again, I had found a purpose a plan even.

The taste of the blood had lessened the burn but only just, the taste had been bitter and not at all appetizing. I had taken as much as I could though I felt far from satisfied. This was going to take some getting used to. As I waded into the small pool I had found I luxuriated in the feel of the water in the feel of being clean which seemed so unfamiliar.

As I lay at the bottom of the pool reveling in the fact that I did not need to breathe I turned my thoughts to the future. I had found my purpose. A mission to find a love that defied all thought and reason and a family. The thought filled me with such joy it seemed like all my dreams were coming true. Though being alone felt so familiar the thought of finding the others filled me with a longing so intense I wanted to start the search right this moment. I was used to being alone, shut away. Was I? Why? And as if this was the last of the memories of my old life the feeling faded away replaced by the image of the family I was going to find, and the man whose whisper still lingered in my heart. "You are my life!"

So what did I know? Well… my name was Alice, I was a being that drank blood to survive, I had no memory of who I was or where I came from or how I got here, suddenly I realized it was unimportant. I kept getting pictures, images of people I had emotional ties to. First though I had to find Jasper, I knew somewhere deep within me that we were meant to be together and every time I thought of him I wanted to weep because he was not beside me. Pulling myself away from that sadness I decided that next we would find our family. Our family his and mine, it felt so good to think in those terms. I suddenly felt warm and happy and I realized I felt love, the love that I had for him and the love that I had for my family the feeling was overwhelming in it's intensity.

So now I just had to find them all, I smiled to myself, my future awaited and no difficulty on my journey to them seemed impossible in this new body with my determination to have that future. I shouted with joy and unthinkingly launched myself onto the tree just above the pool. I laughed, stopping the sound abruptly, was that me? How incredible! That sound came from me it sounded so foreign to my new ears. I felt amazing, strong, determined and ready to meet whatever came my way!

Though the idea of living naked held merit, the ability to hunt and not worry about getting anything dirty, I still felt 'human' enough to want to be covered. Which made me wonder, do some vampires run around naked? I giggled to myself at the thought as I jumped out of the tree landing softly and gracefully. I was good at this life, I couldn't help but giggle again.

Then the direction of the wind changed and with it came a smell that hit me with the force of a hurricane, my entire being rocked at the impact of that scent. It was sweet an enticement that was a mouthwatering aroma like nothing else I had ever experienced. I wanted it so badly my mouth filled in anticipation. A need so great filled me I was powerless against it. The force of the enticement so great It scared me in it's intensity. An instinct that was stronger than anything I knew took me over completely. I sped towards the scent blind to everything except that need. Before I reached my target, my vision shimmered again and I saw myself descending on an unsuspecting hiker his eyes wide with fear as he screamed his terror. I saw myself beautiful and terrifying, showing no mercy, no ability to stop my assault. I was tearing at his throat desperate to consume every drop of his blood. Even knowing what I was headed to did not change my course my hunger stronger than my will. I reached my victim in the midst of my bloodlust and with no thought I took his life. My mind was livid with this inhuman hunger no other thought but the need to take, the scent overwhelming taking control over who I was, what I believed in, what I wanted to be. In that moment nothing existed by this all consuming need and the pleasure that it gave me overshadowed the evil I as committing. All was dimmed to nothing, almost erased as I savagely satisfied the hunger that bloomed to life at the sweet scent of human blood.

As the haze of my need lifted I was struck by the horror of what I had done. Falling to my knees I knelt by me victim unable to put voice to the pain of what I had done as it tore through my heart and soul. I remained beside him this time not one drop of blood had been wasted so unlike my first attempt to feed. I tearlessly wept, for the monster I had become. All thoughts of joy of hope destroyed by my act. Even now I remembered my inability to control myself at the scent of this poor mans blood. I had taken a life, the truth of it twisting inside me churning, and growing with the pain of my actions. I had attacked not caring for his life only my thirst and I heaved with the sobs I could not control. The grief so great I was unable to think of anything but what I had done. Taken a life, where was my control. Why hadn't I been able to resist? As I despaired for what I had done Jaspers voice whispered in my ear "You are my life!" and Esme, her name coming to me as if I had always known it joined his "I will always love you no matter what, Always!"

I stood up, this life came with a price. And as I thought of those I had to find I knew I would do whatever it took to become stronger. To become worthy of the love I so desperately sought and the family I was going to belong to.

I could not undo what I had done. Turning to the man who I had killed, I quickly took his wallet removing only his license hoping someday to be able to do something for to the loved ones I had deprived of his presence. Not able to take anything else I quickly buried him with as much respect as I could. Promising as I finished my task that I would get stronger, I would learn to bear the responsibilities that came with this life.

The regret for what I had done still lived in me, but I would shoulder this life I would learn to live as … as Carlisle the name slipped easily into my mind as if it had been there, waiting. To live as Carlisle wanted, compassionately and humanely. standing straight I took a first step and then a second steadily falling into a run. I had a lot to do to prepare, to learn to be who I was meant to be before I could meet my destiny.

"Jasper" I whispered as the night descended and my feet took flight.

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><p><strong>So my dear readers what did you think?<strong>

**How do you feel about Alice's awakening?**

**How do you feel about the way I'm using her visions?**

**Let me know by giving me a revue :) it would be much appreciated! And as always thank you for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3  A Southern Gentleman  Jasper

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight or any of it's characters (sad sigh)**

**Hello my fellow Twilighters, sorry for the delay on this chapter but life got in the way. Hope you like what you read. Please let me know your thoughts Reviews would be greatly appreciated!**

**INSPIRATION: I wanted a look into Jasper's creation and the life that he lived. I may add more detail later but for now this is where my imagination has taken me.**

**WARNING: Lemon ahead!**

**COMING NEXT: Broken Travels - Jaspers continued dissatisfaction with being a vampire**

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><p>A Southern Gentleman<p>

There was fear in the air. I could almost… taste it. It was still a vague whisper and it seemed to float at the edges of my consciousness but over the years I'd learned to trust those feelings. Those instincts had helped me survive more times that I'd like to remember. It had always been so even as a child. I could almost feel what those around me felt and my instinctive response would be to push my own confidence out of myself, almost will any given situation to move to my satisfaction. And in my service it had proved crucial. Here I was now, an officer, a Major. Publicly the youngest ever to achieve the rank and secretly even younger than anyone would ever know. All thought me twenty-one when in reality I was only nineteen. I had lied when I had enlisted at seventeen but due to my height and the whiskers, I had been sporting then, I was not questioned. I had walked in to enlist, confident and believing my own lie.

Over the following three years I proved myself to be a good officer, keeping my men alive and winning more battles than I lost. The men I fought beside quickly found that they could respect and trust my judgment. I had a very loyal group of men, most of whom had been with me the last three years, though so many had been lost in this horrible war. The name Jasper Whitlock meant something to the fighting men on both sides of the line.

Long gone were the days that I longed for glory and honor. I sometimes desperately hoped for moments when the memories of all the horror and tragedy I had witnessed would disappear from both my waking and sleeping hours. I longed for peace, I longed for some sort of feeling of comfort. I had become disgusted with what war brought out of men. The carnage and wanton destruction I had witnessed had many times unmanned me. My eyes had been opened to the evil being dealt by both sides and I hated that though I never participated I was somehow still a part of it.

I was loyal though, loyal to the south though she made me bleed. Loyal to the promise I made to fight for her. I too would never walk away from any of my responsibilities. I was disturbed by how we all seemed to become less human in the midst of battle. I had seen so much death in so short a time and it ate at me, feeling like a gaping wound that never healed within my soul. Though I would never admit it, never say aloud my changing heart. I longed for peace!

In my weakest moment I dreamed of a woman who could wipe some of the horror that lived in me now. Though some dark part of my soul shouted that I was no longer worthy. My father had been right, in my youth and ignorance I had willingly stepped into hell. Though I had felt honor bound to join our confederate troops I now saw the wisdom in my fathers words.

"Son, I am a southerner, my heart will always beat for what it once was..." he had looked so sad as he spoke his voice rising as he continued, "our living has been corrupted! Our friends and neighbors are committing the greatest evil of our age! This will be judged! There will come a day when all those who have participated in the subjugation and abuse of an entire race of people will have to pay the price" I saw tears in his eyes as he all but shook with his strong emotion "How can you son! How can you fight for what we have come to stand for" his voice had broken, the disappointment emanating from him had staggered me.

My father hated slavery, he abhorred it. But his livelihood did not depend on it, our family had always been wealthy, our wealth did not come from the land as so many others did. For years he had begun to secretly purchase as many black men, women and even children, and freed them. Many had stayed on as hired servants. I had always been around them, I never saw the lives of slaves, not as it really was. No one ever suspected of this in our small town, of Amarillo. Justice Whitlock, my father, hated slavery, was disgusted by it. Had it not been for the safety of his family he would have voiced his disdain long ago and I know now that he felt guilt at not standing stronger, not putting voice to his thoughts, in that he held himself as guilty of the sins of our friends and neighbors. He managed to 'do his part', he always seemed to say, by continuing to buy slaves and free them sending them east to start lives as freemen, but for him it was never enough.

I was raised with those values, I believed just as he did the evil in it but at the same time I had friends who had joined the fight. Friends that I missed but mostly envied. Truth be told I wanted to be a hero and once the idea of joining took hold of me my resolve never wavered. I had been a fool. I'll admit my arrogance, thinking that the decision that was being forced upon us by a fledgling government was unjust, we as a people had to find our way out of this degradation. I was opposed to idea that they could force us to change rather that find a way to diplomatically make that change. At least that how I justified it all. I had been naive, I had not thought of the lives being destroyed by slavery, all I saw, all I wanted was the glory I was sure to find in battle and it blinded me to the reality. I regretted it now but I would keep to my promises and hope that one day I could return home to ask my fathers forgiveness.

I had been elected, despite my rank, to help in protecting those evacuating the small village of Balcones. Their destination was the remains of the ruined fort in San Antonio there was belief that the water wells were still good. I was astride my horse, as I quietly rode beside the tiered but determined group of people. I was once again struck by their tenacity. Mothers walking beyond the point of exhaustion, carrying their children in the desperate hope that they were walking towards safety. Men refusing to give up as they helped their wives and families carry what few precious belongings they could bring on this journey. Safety was uncertain in these troubling times, though the whispers said that the war was almost over. I had read the defeat in the officers I had just left, this war was coming to an end soon, and I felt it deep in my bones that the south would loose. I could still hope but the signs, the 'feeling', though never spoken out loud, was overwhelming, defeat was all around us now and in my heart I could not be sorry, not now.

Currently I was traveling with twenty of my men, all on horseback, they were escorting over seventy-five villagers. My men took turns running up and down the half mile line of people as we made our pilgrimage. Joseph, my best friend, though more like an older brother had come with me when I enlisted. He was a black man. He had joined me, well he had insisted on coming with me. He was here with me on this particular expedition since we were unsure what my orders would be once we reached our destination. I appreciated his volunteering to come with me. Joseph and I were brothers raised together on my family's estate. His mother had run our household since before I was even born. Joseph was at least ten years older and had always been like an older brother since I was a child. Joseph was a freeman, he had never lived as a slave. He and his sister had been educated right along side me by my mother growing up. When I enlisted he had not even asked, he simply packed his sack and fell in step as I left the house as my mother wept her sorrow. He had not questioned me, had not lectured me, had simply said that together we would have better luck making it back so that I could apologize. Joseph and his sister Melody were an extension of our family, we had all grown up together. I was ashamed of my decision, I know that when I had joined I'd broken Metties and Melody's heart, I'm sure all they saw in my joining was my support of slaver.

Despite my sorrow for the south I loved, I knew that the time was overdue to end the evil that was slavery. I truly had wished it was a diplomatic decision and not one forced on everyone by war. The transition I knew would not be simple. I foresaw, knowing my kinsmen, difficult times beyond these battlefields. I fought for the confederate army out of that loyalty for a south I had idealized but war had taught me the reality and it was a bitter lesson. What the south was now was evil and I was part of it's army.

I had had such a passion to be a soldier! Visions of a triumphant return to my home town to the envy of all my friends filled my every dream and waking thought. After an evening in the company of some exuberant soldiers I resolved to enlist at the first opportunity. They had reveled in tales of glory and honor on the field of battle. Each tale weaving images in my mind of myself returning home a triumphant hero. The opportunity presented itself shortly after my seventeenth birthday, defying my fathers edict I had enlisted saying I was nineteen years old and quickly after I succeeded in becoming the youngest at each new rank I achieved.

In the years since what I found was not glory or honor what I had witnessed was horror and the deepest depravity man could commit. Both sides were guilty of this. Every battle had cemented the truth of my fathers words about the futility of war. All it seemed to breed was more anger, more resentment and strongest of all hate. It was disgusting what men could justify doing to each other in the name of war. Though my men and myself kept ourselves apart from those depravities, they happened and we were powerless to stop it. I know understood the guilt my father always shouldered being a southerner and hating slavery. He did not do it but he stood by as the wickedness lived around him. Ironically despite my disillusionment I had earned quite a reputation for myself as a formidable strategist and fighter.

Coming back to the present I looked ahead just in time to make out the faint flicker of fire, a few more miles and we would reach the encampment. A few soldiers had ridden ahead to make sure all was well and to prepare the first cook pots for the weary travelers, should no danger be present. I would be lying if I did not admit to wanting to slip down from my horse and finding a quiet spot to rest, still there was much to be done before I could unfurl my bedroll.

"Major Whitlock" a worried voice called from behind. I halted my steed in order to allow the sergeant to catch up to me.

"Yes Private?" I asked calmly.

"Sir, Private Jamison swore he saw some stragglers about two miles back, he left the line to check on them" the Sergeant spoke breathlessly "Sir, I went back about twenty minutes ago and… I… I heard a scream but thought it as some wild animal… sir…" He bowed his head ashamed knowing he should not have allowed the headstrong boy this mission "Private Jamison was supposed to assess the situation and return with news… " Though he spoke in a rush of words, the privates demeanor spoke only of urgency and not of the fear that I would swear was rolling of the man. "It's been over two hours sir…" the guilt and shame were rolling off the man before me.

I felt like swearing, and probably would have had we not been in the presence of women and children. Jamison was foolhardy and rarely had enough sense to take precautions. I was also pretty sure he was no more than fifteen years old, I felt a real responsibility towards him more so than the other men due to his age. I silently prayed the young man was simply detained.

"I'll go check on him, private, ride ahead and tell Sargent Stafford the situation, tell him to put all the troops on alert just in case there is a problem" I considered quickly "I will fire some shots in the air if there is" I doused my moment panic as I breathed slowly to calm my nerves before I continued "otherwise I will return with news as quickly as I am able" I looked to the waiting officer and as I did so I felt my confidence strengthening, I could handle this situation and with luck bring the boy back safely.

"Yes, sir!" Private Hogan saluted respectfully before he rode on down the line to follow my orders.

I knew we were only a few miles from our destination and hoped no real trouble followed us. It was dark and I hoped that, if there were stragglers they were not wounded, we were not really equipped for that, but even as I thought it I knew we would make do. We had only one wagon and it was used to store munitions and food stuffs for the troops. Joseph was driving the wagon towards the back of the line and I headed in his direction with the intention of having a brief word with him. As I passed the collection of travelers I couldn't help but glance at the faces as I passed. I could not help but note the growing unease that seemed to be building. Spying the wagon just ahead I spurred my horse forward and quickly turned to pace it in order to let Joseph know the situation.

"Joseph, I need to check out a situation with a missing private" I spoke softly so that only he could hear him. I did not want to scare any of the people walking close by. Two small boys seemed to be sleeping next to him on the seat and I smiled, it was so like him to help. I had no doubt he was probably letting the children near him take turns in riding with him.

"Yes, sir" He mockingly saluted with a smile. "I sure can't wait to get there!" he added with a the same sense of anticipation I'm sure everyone around us felt.

"I'm feeling the same Joseph, if you hear three shots I will need help transporting wounded, there were some stragglers that may need help" I continued in a hushed voice. Josephs demeanor changed and all joking was put aside.

"Yes of course Jasper, I'll be waiting for any sign" his face showed his concern "Be careful kid" he finished with a worried glance.

"I'll be back as soon as I can…" I added intending to move on but feeling the need to add something else. "Joseph, if something should happen, if I should not return... Please tell my father, please let him know…" I could not finish the feeling of dread seemed to be consuming me. Quickly shaking it off determined to do my duty I gave Joseph my devil may care smile and rode of using the moon to light my way.

About half a mile on the trail I came across the privates horse. It was terrified, there were no other words to describe the site of this animal. Never in my life had I seen such a thing and I had lived around horses all of my life. It moved around jerkily as shivers seemed to run down its flanks in waves. I was not sure what to think. Had the lieutenant fallen off his mount? Had some wild animal attacked? The latter would account for the absolute terror that I saw in the shaking frame of the animal, it's eyes rolling in unmistakable fear. Looking closer I realized that there was a boot lodged in the stirrup, but there was no sign of claw marks or any kind of physical damage to the animal, there was no blood to signify any foul play. The horse was too skittish for a more thorough inspection and I decided that some safety measures would be the best course of action. Taking out my revolver I continued backtracking towards what I hoped was an embarrassed young man and not something more grim.

When I first saw them I was sure that it was a woman and two young girls, at least from a distance it looked that way. Knowing they were women it was easier to push away my sense of foreboding. I continued on ready to offer my aid should it be needed. Yet, as I got closer I couldn't help but notice how incredibly lovely they were. I was embarrassed at my body's reaction, it had obviously been too long since I had seen to those needs. They were like nothing I had ever seen before in my life. I was not sure which woman was more handsome. I felt almost mesmerized yet at the same time the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end as if sensing some unseen danger.

"Ladies, do you need my assistance?" I asked once I was closer. Hoping they could not notice my reaction to their beauty. It had been too long, I thought, since I had been with a woman. In a way it was amusing, my reaction to these three lovelies being so out of character. I had no sweetheart but was not ashamed that I did partake of some of the higher class offerings made available to the officers in some of the finer 'establishments'. I wondered if they were camp followers, easy women who followed the soldiers trading their bodies for money and companionship. It would explain why they were so far behind the villagers who would more than likely spit on them and refuse to have them so close to the innocence of wives and children. As I thought all this I finally reached them. I quickly stowed my gun and dismounted, and then became utterly speechless. They were stunning, I could not make sense of the conversation that was being shared by the enchanting ladies but my mind and body reacted strongly to their beauty. As much as I hated myself for it I hoped they were camp followers because for once I was more than willing to partake of their offerings. They were talking but the conversation made no real sense to me. The brunette was obviously the leader and as I stepped forward still at a loss for words my instincts still screaming danger all but the brunette stood before me. Suddenly I realized that I was alone with the her, her name was Maria, gleaned from the incomprehensible conversation I had dumbly witnessed. The other two had vanished almost too quickly from sight, but I had been too focuses on the curvaceous creature before me to see them depart.

Suddenly I was unsure, I was not a superstitious man, never falling for the ridiculous tales of ghosts and ghouls, but something did not feel right in the beauty that stood before me. Something was not at all human…

"What is your name soldier?" Maria asked.

"Major Jasper Whitlock, ma'am'," I stammered through my unease, knowing better than to be impolite to a female, even if she was a ghost.

The next words out of her lovely mouth filled me with the greatest need to run.

"I truly hope you survive, Jasper" her voice was gentle "I have a good feeling about you." she took a step closer and as I stood there frozen she stepped up on her toes and moved into me tilting her her lips towards me as if to kiss me.

The world burned, every thought I had was consumed by the sensation of fire, every part of my being was being scorched. This never ending torture tore apart my will to live as it held me in its grip. This pain was more than pain, was an indescribable rush of pure agony throughout every part of my body. My thoughts kept repeating what had led to this. I had been looking for a missing boy and instead found demons. For what else could they have been to put me in such torment. I was unsure of how much time had passed since I had left my post to look for… This pain made it almost impossible to keep any train of thought.

I was dying I was sure of it for how could anyone survive this indescribable anguish? I could not understand why it was taking so damn long to die! I could not staunch the constant screams that broke free from my writhing frame. At the same time I thought of my father. How would my father survive my death? On top of my suffering my heart twisted with the memory of him, of his worst fear coming to life, loosing his only son to this war. Yet I had not been in battle I had been searching for the young boy...

In between my screams of pain the demon who had poisoned me was beside me whispering into my ear. She told me of her plans of an army, her desire for me to join her to be her partner and help in her play for domination. She spoke of vampires, of how they fed of the blood of humans. Her words filled me with terror and I felt myself exploding with it. She quickly dropped my head to the ground and I heard the whisper of wind as she left me for a time. As I lay on the ground writhing in such utter misery, I felt my life slipping away, I shied away from the memories of my father and mother not wanting to think of the pain that this death would cause them, I shied away from the memories of my friends and cousins whom I'd grown up with for the same reasons. I thought instead of my duty, of my unwavering dedication to my men and my country. I briefly thought of Joseph and prayed that he would go to my father and tell him that I fought with honor, but let that thought go quickly not wanting to dwell for the pain seemed to intensify when I thought of my loved ones. I quickly realized that the pain I was feeling was moving away from every part and beginning to take root in my heart. It beat in a rhythm I knew it could not sustain. My life was finally coming to an end. At the same time i heard her, Maria, she had returned.

"You will be amazing! Jasper!" She all but squealed. "We will be unstoppable!"

As my heart gave it's last beat I sent a prayer to God that he forgive my sins and welcome me into his embrace. My heart stuttered and stopped. The pain was gone, and the relief was immediate a cold balm over what once had been covered in flames. Yet as I realized that I also realized that I was still thinking, I was still here somehow and also I was somehow something more. My mind worked at speeds I had never experienced before taking in and cataloging every sight and sound around me. I could feel every limb, and as I took in a deep breath I could taste and feel everything around me from the night air that held a hint of rain to a sweet scent that was coming closer from the east. The scent burned in my throat and my desire was to run to it to quench a thirst like no other I had ever had. I felt the power in me, I felt the strength running through every fiber of my being. As all these realizations bombarded me I could hear Maria dancing around me in utter joy. I could almost see her joy"

"Bring her Nettie" she called out to the night.

As the wind changed it hit, it felt as if a train had slammed into me as if stampeding horses had run over me. The sweet scent was coming closer and with it came the the whimpering cries of a woman who was terrified. Her terror washed over and through me. I was on fire for her I needed to taste her to devour her at the same time I was confused and unsure and these feelings unlike before seemed to have substance. I could swear I could almost see them, they seemed to shimmer in different hues around me. I felt somewhat certain that if I had wanted to I could have changed their color. Where had that thought come from? Change the color of an emotion? I suddenly could not think at all for before me lay the terrified figure of a young girl whimpering pitifully.

"Feed Jasper, feel the power their blood gives to us" Maria crooned as if to a lover.

I was all animal instinct, there was nothing human in me in that moment. I descended upon my prey with a need so great it blinded me to everything, my thoughts my feelings everything. Instinctively I went for her neck and biting into her flesh and even as I felt her horror and anguish wash through the beast that now lived in me was writhing with joy at the taste of her blood, it was better than anything I had ever experienced before. Nothing compared to the satisfaction running through my body as I fed off of her. Her cries meant nothing, though a part of me buried deep questioned and rallied against my act it was not stronger than this thirst. Instead of feeling the shame and horror of what I had done, I felt the need for more grow. I growled into the night, I wanted, no I needed to drown myself on more blood. I heard moans all around me nine in total, as if my desire to feed was shared among them. Then the wind brought the scent to me and I was off. I was running at a speed so incredible I couldn't help but relish in it. I could hear the others following me though they did not seem to be as fast as I. Sooner than I expected I saw the flickering lights ahead of me and it spurred me faster. I knew instinctively there was a feast ahead of me and as I ran I knew my thirst would be satiated. This burn would lessen and I then I thought no more... I descended upon them so quickly five were dead before any alarm rang out, by then it was too late, the others had joined me and their need seemed to be as great as my own. We decimated our prey, men, women and children all died by our hand. As my mind began to take in all I had done my soul gave bitter sorrow. What had I done? They were the very people I had been tasked with protecting and I had killed them, I had brought with me a killing force. Had Joseph survived? I scanned the carnage and could not help but be relieved at not seeing his ebony skin among the dead. Many had escaped but we had managed to kill over thirty humans in our frenzy. As I allowed the feeling of despair to wash over me Maria approached.

"Jasper, they are only food." Maria crooned coming closer to me. As she reached me I felt a sense of ownership flowing out from her, as if I belonged to her. In that moment it felt good, it felt like something to hold on to. There was also a dark desire rolling mixed in as well, a dark crimson color along the edges of blue and green. That desire hit me and distracted me and with a motion so quick it was done before my thoughts had even finished I had her in my arms and I felt my cock come to life as our bodies slammed together.

"Leave us for a while" She moaned to the others.

In that moment I wanted relief from the horror I had delivered here. Her emotions were affecting me taking my mind, my body to a dark place I had never been. I wanted her, I had the greatest desire to take her roughly to have her screaming beneath me. There was nothing in me in that moment that had the patience to even begin to to stoke her own passion I just wanted to bury myself inside her, to forget what I had wrought on so many innocent lives.

Taking her up my arms I carried her quickly away from the field of death and as quickly as I could I threw her to the ground with a snarl. She whimpered impatiently as she writhed where she had fallen an expectant gleam in her eye, she seemed to enjoy my treatment of her. Falling to my knees I quickly raised her skirt and tore at her under garments wanting desperately to reach her. Her passion filled groan perfumed the air around us spurring me faster, with a strength I did not know I had I turned her over settling her an her knees. I wanted to take her from behind. I quickly lowered my trousers and covered her as if I were some wild animal and not a man. This passion was borne of my need to forget and not so much for the actual woman receiving me. I was too rough, yet I could not find an ounce gentleness in me. she screamed as she joined my frenzy slamming her ass into me as she took me deeper. I needed to forget, if only for a moment, the evil I had done. I was beyond any reason, I took her with a savagery I did not know I was capable of, she screamed her pleasure not once giving voice to wanting my possession to end. This was sex in it's most base form. I only wanted to fuck her, to take her and even to hurt her. I had always been a considerate lover in the past and in this moment I had no wish to fulfill any of her needs, she was unimportant in this act. As I buried myself inside her I closed my eyes losing myself to the sensation roiling through my body, reveling in the feel of her tight sheath as it seemed to vibrate and squeeze me tighter. I heard her hiss as she continued to deepen our connection. Her comfort or enjoyment of this act did not move me, I simply did not care, this was about me. I did not kiss her, this was not about that, I dominated her I dove into her with a tempered strength, somehow knowing that should I want to I could crush her I could. I was glad her hands could not reach me not wanting her touch, yet I used my hands to painfully squeeze her breasts as I rutted I imagined myself pumping my anger and horror, my fear, my confusion and my regret into her very being. Too soon I felt the spasm as her very core gipped my member as if it were a vise encircling me. I felt my body tighten, I felt my cock jerk and pulse in preparation for the end as my body reached its peak and then on the last spasm I shouted my release.

It took a moment before I looked down at her, her back was arched and I felt the tremors coursing through her body. As she slipped forward and turned over onto her back I examined her beauty. It had not changed, but it did not call me, it felt empty. I knew I had been too rough, I knew that I had hurt her and in that moment I did not care it actually made me feel a semblance of justice, then just as quickly I was disgusted with myself, this creature these thoughts were not me. Yet she had done this to me of this I was certain. I raised myself and straightened my clothes. I put a hand down to help lift her up and she was smiling.

"Next time we'll play more rough, my darling" She purred as she wound her arms around my neck pressing her body to me. She kissed me and I kissed her back desperate in that moment for a connection any connection. I was a demon now, I was a vampire, and if all the whispered legends were true I now lived for blood.

Seventy-seven years later...

Seventy-seven years had passed. Seventy-seven years of living in the heart of terror and panic, of fear and pain. I was in charge of Maria's army now. I trained them and they were the best, I was proud of this. Life as a vampire was one of constant war, I many times thought that this was my hell, my payment for defying my father in my first human life. I had learned to live with this constant bombardment of panic and greed. I had learned before the end of my newborn year that I had an extra ability, I could feel and control the emotions of those around me. Though truly deep emotions were not within my power. I had learned to strengthen my skill.

Over time our territories had grown, my lover Maria was a greedy bitch who was never satisfied. We had enough territory to quietly feed at least five or six times a month which was saying a lot for an army of over twenty five vampires. My task now was unpleasant, Lucy and Nettis' jealousies were becoming to strong to control and I could feel their resolve to overthrow Maria growing stronger by the day. It was information I was loathe to share with her, her bloodthirsty character knew only one punishment for such disloyalty. As I approached her I filled myself with gratitude that I had come to such a strong coven, not wanting her to feel my now constant depression. I shuddered at the thought of the alternatives to my life with her, all those we had destroyed in the years since my creation. Peter had told me many times that he hated this life, that he wished for something different, but like me he was grateful to be on the winning side. We were careful, we never let the human world know of our existence. Maria had been very clear of the consequences should we not be meticulous in our hunting and protection of our territories.

Peter and Favian were making the rounds tonight, a scouting mission for interlopers as well as possible candidates for our army, though the final decision was always left to Maria. Three of the newborns had already passed their first year and Maria felt that they needed to be replaced as they had shown no true talent outside of their newborn strength. Peter, I thought with gratitude, had proven useful, he was a skilled fighter a good choice for my second in command. Though he disagreed with Marias' need to destroy her creations, he never argued.

I needed her, I had no wish to be a casualty of the Voltury wrath we had seen descend to often in this region. I could not survive this vampire life without her, at least if felt that way, but in the last few decades my heart possibly my soul cried with the pain of all I had wrought. She was my creator, my sometimes lover my only true connection outside of Peter in this world, I did not want be alone... but could I continue? I shook myself going back to the feelings of gratitude, the the memories of shared passion, wanting those to surround me when I touched her.

Because of Maria's strict rule, I had disposed of sixteen hundred and ninety seven immortals and countless more humans in this second life. This was proving to be harder and harder to do for as I learned to control my talent at times it controlled me. Deep and desperate emotions rocked me at the destruction of an immortal or murder of a human I felt everything that they felt, I was destroyed for those moments. These feelings seemed to store themselves in me taking root deep inside of me making every new instance of it incrementally more painful. I had tried to stop feeding for a time, much to Maria's disgust, but I had turned feral and had ended up killing an entire family in my desperate thirst. My feelings of dissatisfaction were growing, and I was aware of Maria's concern as to my loyalty. She need not have worried, I had nowhere else to go. Unlike Lucy and Netti I had no desire to destroy her. Still as I reached Maria's side and roughly kissed her neck, I knew how she hated anything gentle, I spoke.

"Lucy and Netty will become a serious problem soon" I whispered into her ear as I bit her neck not breaking her skin with my sharp teeth, knowing she would hate to be scarred, as I slid my hand to her breast and squeezed tightly I pulled her body into mine, making her aware of my need. I hoped to entice her into a rare moment of passion. I needed a release, I needed to be buried inside her to get away from the horrors surrounding me, if only for a moment. I wanted to loose myself in the mindless possession of her body.

"Well…" she paused a note of annoyance in her tone "I thought as much" she pushed my hand away, though she quickly changed her mind as she twirled and grabbing my cock painfully, I was already hard and ready. "You know what to do my love" She whispered the empty words into my mouth as she roughly kissed me stroking me through the rough fabric of my trousers. I hated myself then, I hated this need that I had for her, this need borne of loneliness of having no other options. Still, this was all I had. I was ready, I did not need her to waste time on foreplay, I just wanted to be inside her slamming myself into her and forgetting everything but the sensations that rolled through my body at our union. I slammed her against the wall of the old mission we were calling headquarters and quickly divested us of any barriers to this goal. She wrapped her legs around my waist as I savagely entered her, I wanted this to last longer than our previous interludes, I wanted a longer respite from my thoughts.

"Yes" I said thickly as I slid out of her slowly. Knowing she would balk at my pace I slammed her down on me, reveling in the feel of her pussy as it sheathed me, allowing the sensations running through my body to let my mind go blank as her juices coated me. Again I slid her out slowly concentrating on the intensity that was building between us. I slammed her down on me again and she screamed for me to go harder and faster. I knew I had no choice she was vindictive enough to leave me in a state need if I did not follow what she wanted. Without loosing unsheathing myself I threw us both to the ground and pumped my usual frustrations into her, my sadness, my horror and growing misery with this life. I slammed her into the floor with rough hard movements pinching her nipples and squeezing her breasts. She enjoyed the pain, she always enjoyed the pain.

Suddenly there it was that feeling from her that I had felt more and more lately, that feeling that she was only humoring me, that she was growing tiered of me. It spurred me to bite her neck to brand her in some way to make her need for me physically to grow into something more, into a reason for her to keep me. I knew it was unfair, I felt no such need for her other than for a place to belong, I had no true desire for her. Her familiar body simply offered me moments of respite. Fucking her gave me a mind numbing break from the world that I lived in. I thought I did a good job of hiding those feelings, I felt that my need to belong to something to belong to her would be enough for her. But as much as these moments of passion gave me some relief from myself they also left me empty at the end. Sometimes when i looked into her face I so desperately wanted to feel something more but instead felt a mild disgust that I could rut with this woman when all i wanted from her was the rough use of her body.

"Get off of me" Maria screeched. "I can tell your mind had left me, Jasper!" she all but screamed.

I moved away from her, my sex having shrunk and softened with the journey of my thoughts. "Maria, I'm sorry, I'm just more and more distracted with our growing territory and added responsibilities" I offered my excuses not caring if she believed me or not.

"Yes I know" she tried to soothe, though I saw through her. I knew she thought I could not read her well, that she seemed to think that she could hide her true intentions from me. I also knew that my need to belong was much stronger than her need of me. Changes were coming I could see it, the color that shimmered around her when she was near me had changed over the last few decades had gone from the ecstatic blues and greens to the darker blacks and grays that shouted at me of coming danger. "Please deal with Lucy and Netty, do it as far from the others as you can." She turned as if dismissing me pausing slightly before continuing. "and Jasper" she continued a wicked glint in her eye "thin the heard, Charlotte, Duncan and Gregory have met their time." she truly had no care for her creations, she thought nothing of ending their lives for a second time.

"Of course Maria" I responded as I stood and straightened my clothes. I hated this, I hated this part of our existence. Peter would be back soon, he would help as he had so many times before. I left the mission hoping to find Lucy and Netty alone and away from each other, though I knew that was unlikely. Still they had taken lovers amongst the newborns both had the same tastes as Maria when it came to their passions though their desires were more disturbing. The liked to be brutally hurt in their lovemaking, or rather fucking I thought, I had not known lovemaking in this life. As I reached a copse of mesquite trees I felt it, the shimmering orange hue of fear. I turned in its direction and saw Lucy standing not fifteen feet from me and she was alone. I stretched my senses out to see if Netty was near possibly planning an ambush but felt nothing. I moved casually towards her giving her a sense of calm as I approached.

"Lucy, what are you doing out here? Where is your shadow" I teasingly asked.

"She's with her new toy I think" she breathed in relief. I had succeeded in fooling her.

"I was wondering Lucy what it is you two do when you disappear from us" I asked in a soft voice. Her eyes snapped and all feelings of calm evaporated as I stood in front of her and ripping her head from her shoulders. I quickly tore the rest of her body apart, feeling as I did this her final torment. Those emotions dragged through me devastating me even as I finished her destruction with fire. As I turned and walked steadily towards the building no more than four miles south, I knew where Netties' newborn toy was, I knew this would never change. I would not defy Maria, not unless she gave in to her desire to be rid of me and even then I wasn't sure if I would want to stop her. I had no place to go and I had only Peter as a companion a brother of sorts.

Later in the evening Peter arrived, he was a jumble of emotions after I had told him it was time to dispose of some of our number. I gave him the names of the three and Favian was tasked with sending them to us at agreed intervals. The fire had already been built and I was ready, or as ready as I could be. I had a process and knew that I could complete this task rather quickly, my victims rarely had time to even scream anymore. As Peter approached I felt something in him though he quickly focused on his determination to complete the task at hand. He stood beside me as we waited for our first casualty.

"Jasper?" Duncan asked as he approached me eyeing the fire warily, he had been a teacher in his former life, ironically he was built like fighter and yet in his heart there was no true desire to kill. I knew this was the reason Maria saw no use in him. He fought only to feed, he was close to useless in battle. I approached him quietly and put my hands on his shoulders something I did frequently learning over the years that this time would come and the gesture would not be questioned. In a blur I removed his head and tossed it in the fire before he even had a chance to cry out. Peter and I quickly took his body apart and fed it to the flames. A time later the same was done with Gregory, and as we finished him off, I noticed Peter's agitation growing but his emotions were still undefined.

"Peter?" I asked, worried that maybe Maria had given him orders to dispose of me as well. We had grown close over the last twenty years and I could not see him doing this, he had no great love for Maria, though like me he had no place else to go.

"I'm fine Jasper!" He snapped as he turned to await our final victim. I wondered at his agitation, wanting to know what was bothering him so strongly. That's when I felt it. It was like nothing I had ever felt before. Nothing even came close to this one emotion. This was bright white, hot in its intensity, clean and pure and in this moment I felt relief from all my torments. I looked up to see where it was coming from and realized it was Peter the white light surrounded him and then arced over and met and surrounded Charlotte, it was difficult to see where it started or where it ended it just was.

"Run Charlotte" Peter shouted agony in his tone as he looked over to me. Before I knew it Peter was holding Charlotte's hand unable it seemed to let her anywhere near me.

"I'm so sorry, Jasper!" he choked out "my brother! I cannot let her die" and with that they both turned and ran. I contemplated following them, but I knew that even if I caught them, Peter would fight as would Charlotte. I don't think I could have brought myself to destroy him. That bright white light that bound them together, it was the strongest emotion I had ever experienced. It had left me with a longing, I wanted to stand in its warmth desperately! Just being in it's presence had eased the ache within me. I turned sadly to put out the fire. I loved Peter and would miss him and I could not deny him this. He was my brother in so many ways, I would let him go. If Maria destroyed me because of it at least it would end my torment.

Five years later...

I was scouting, though not sure why. Maria had changed dramatically in the last five years since I had let Peter and Charlotte escape. Her feelings towards me were becoming a deep resentment and I knew she was plotting my end. I could not bring myself to care, this life was a slow torture, the emotions of my thousands of victims had laid waste to my soul. I existed because I could not die, I fed because my thirst was stronger than my will, yet through it all I longed for that white light.

"Jasper?" A familiar voice called to me. Why would he come back? Maria would destroy him if she knew he was so near.

"Peter? Peter!" I all but shouted as I found him standing a few feet away. Without thought I rushed to him and embraced him. This was my brother! I had missed him and though I knew he could not stay the joy I felt at seeing him was a much needed relief. I could feel my love returned, in the bright amber colors that surrounded him. I think if we could produce tears we would both have been crying.

"Jasper, I've been looking for your for weeks" Peter whispered almost as if afraid to speak to loudly. Hearing a sound I looked up, Charlotte stood as if ready to defend her mate should it become necessary.

Raising my hands up in retreat I smiled. "Charlotte, I mean you no harm". I turned to Peter hoping this was not some hallucination brought on by my misery.

"Jasper, this life…" Peter spoke slowly as if trying to find the right words "this life that Maria created is not the only way!" he spoke emphatically. I was confused, what was he saying? There was a different way to live?

"There is no fighting to the North, even the East, I think…" Peter inhaled deeply "Jasper, you are my brother, I cannot leave you here" He had put a hand on my shoulder as he looked me in the eye. His voice held the love he had for me and finally I understood why he had returned. Peter had come back for me.

"There is no war for territory, we travel alone or in small groups moving from place to place, we feed inconspicuously" He rushed the words as if trying to convince me "Jasper! There is another kind of life! Please… Brother… Come with me!" Peter pleaded.

As I stood there in the presence of the light that connected my brother to his mate, I felt something I had not felt since becoming a monster. I felt hope. I knew I would go with them, I would not look back. I turned to Peter placing my hand on his shoulder and smiled. I had not smiled in over seventy years not since my first life. "Let's go brother" I choked out "Show me this new life!"

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><p><strong>So my dear readers what did you think?<strong>

**How do you feel about Jasper, how i'm depicting him as a man?**

**What do you think about his transformation and first feeding?**

**Let me know by giving me a revue :) it would be much appreciated! And as always thank you for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4  Broken Travels Jasper

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight or any of it's characters**

**Hello my fellow Twilighters, So here is a brand spanking new chapter (10/8/11), and my muse is with me so expect the next one pretty soon. Hope your , please let me know your thoughts, any changes you feel should be made. Spelling and grammar are not my strong suit and I welcome any critical review that will help improve this story.**

**INSPIRATION: At the start of this project I felt closer to Alice, I thought their love story must have been incredible, but as I'm getting to know Jasper (or rather the Jasper my imagination has created lol) I'm becoming more and more fascinated by him. This chapter seemed to flow out of me.**

**WARNING: Alluded Rape**

**COMING NEXT: Education - Alice's learning to be a 'vegetarian' vampire and also her getting to know Jasper and the Cullen family through her visions.**

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><p>Broken Travels<p>

I could hear the breeze blowing through the trees as I lay in bed, a luxury we didn't indulge in often. Two years ago we had found this old cabin hidden high up in the mountains, we had taken the time to make it comfortable and when we found ourselves in these parts we used it as a temporary home. Peter and Charlotte had disappeared a few hours ago; they could rarely keep their hands off of each other and seemed to think that they needed to leave me in order to indulge their deeper passions. If they had asked I would have been happy to leave them to the comfort of a bed, though Peter had told me once that they always ended up breaking the furniture so preferred to find their pleasure out of doors. They had a strong union, equal partners making decisions together, listening to each other. I envied them that closeness though I worked hard not to let it show. I concentrated stretching out my gift in search of the symphony of emotions they created when loving each other, sometimes it was all that kept me sane. I was no voyeur, but I was glad that they never went far, for even the faint passion of their lovemaking soothed me.

In the four years since escaping my old life I had regained some sanity, there was a quiet relief in not being surrounded by the ever-present fear and panic that had always been a part of my life with Maria. To my dismay the depression I had been fighting for decades did not go away but seemed to slowly grow with each passing day. Every time I fed some inner part of me seemed to splinter and fester. I often felt that if I breathed the wrong way I would shatter into a million pieces, I think if I were human it would be like living in a constant state of extreme anxiety.

Charlotte had suggested I choose my prey from the human waste that so often walked this earth as she and Peter did from time to time. They didn't adhere to it as a rule, more often choosing their victims from the lost and forgotten masses that wandered ignored by the general populace. I had tried it for a time, my extra sense always drawing me a map to those who exuded depravity. It had not helped, murder was murder regardless of the victim, there was always terror in each death that never failed to stun me. Over these last few years I had begun to feed less and less often.

Peter worried, often telling me that I was just thinking too hard on it, suggesting almost incessantly on how to us they were simply food. His philosophy was sound, like all of life there was a cycle and humans were simply our food source, there should be no guilt in our wanting to survive. Yet… I wanted to shout that I could not shut it off! That every single life I took stabbed deeply into me…. but I never did, I always nodded my head and buried my misery deeper within me.

How could I make him understand? In the moment of death a human exploded with their most primitive emotions. The shimmering light that only I felt around every living being became a weapon that during their dying moments burst out in waves with an energy so strong it wounded some unseen part of me. Even as the monster in me gloried in the kill, in the absolute pleasure of drinking human blood, I died alongside each of my victims. Every! Single! Time! Every life that I ended simply added to the incessant grief that almost choked me, this grief was so sharp it ripped into the very fiber of my being. Every time I gave in, every time the monster proved me powerless to my thirst, I became more the demon that I despised. Each murder I had committed was forever branded into my perfect memory. In a world with no sleep, I had no relief from the constant echo of what I had done. I was drowning in my despair….

I had moments now though, moments where peace held if only fleetingly. Peter and Charlotte's love seemed to lessen my hopelessness. In moments like these I often wove fantasies of finding what they had, someone who could ignite that white light within me. I felt certain that it would help mute the torment I lived with. I knew I was unworthy, the scars that covered my entire body were a testament to the fiend I had become but it still did not stop me from craving.

I sighed deeply. I knew I would have to part from them soon. As much as they tried to hide it my tenuous hold on my feelings were affecting them. Though Peter never voiced the growing tension between himself and his mate, I could feel it. Charlotte meant no harm, I understood perfectly the dilemma she found herself in. My emotions affected everyone around me and I was losing control of them more and more each day. Peter didn't want me to go, would never ask me to. I also knew that Charlotte would not ask either, she cared for me because of Peter, but I loved him enough not to want to share my desolation with either of them. I just couldn't do it, not yet anyway. I was afraid, a humorless smile graced my lips at that. I was a force to be reckoned with in the south, my very name stoked fear in most immortals and yet here I lay afraid of being alone. This existence was not without it's irony. I was over 80 years in this life and I was afraid to be alone. I would have laughed if there was any laughter in me.

"Peter… I love you so much" Charlotte was whispering, her passion making her voice husky. "Please just a moment longer!" she pleaded playfully.

"My love, he's up there alone, wallowing, please I just want to check on him…"Peter whispered back his indecision evident in his voice.

I could barely make out the words, so I was sure they thought I could not hear them. I concentrated and sent a wave of pure lust at them, a small gift for their patience with me. Soon I heart the soft moans that heralded my success. I put my arms behind my head as I crossed my legs closing my eyes and falling into my unnatural stillness, lost in the thoughts of what lay ahead should I part ways with my friends.

Two year later….

It had been a mistake to leave them! The thought kept repeating in my mind. The little peace had I found in the company of Peter and Charlotte was completely gone now. I had to leave, they had began arguing quietly when they thought I could not hear. Charlotte was devastated because she could not help me, she was heartbroken that her love for Peter could not temper her reactions to my constant bursts of emotion. My ability to control my self-hatred was becoming more tenuous with each passing day. I had told them that I wanted to try life on my own for a while, I had tried to sound sure, though I knew I had failed but I would not be swayed. Peter had argued, he'd said that together we would find a solution to my pain. I knew he felt that he was responsible for me despite the fact that I was older than him in so many ways. His continued affection kept me grounded, amazed that I could inspire such loyalty. Charlotte had a look of utter sorrow at my decision. I could feel her sense of guilt warring with relief at my words. I had hugged Peter, I just couldn't do it anymore, I knew now that I had to find a way to cope with this festering ache on my own or end my existence. Looking into Peters' eyes I knew he saw my resolve, his eyes mirrored Charlottes sorrow. Gathering the gratitude I genuinely felt for them I hugged Charlotte whispering in her ear that I was thankful to have had this time with them, she had hugged me back and I felt her sadness at their inability to help me… That had been three hundred and seven days ago.

Today I was going mad. I had not fed in thirty two days, it had been more a test of will than anything else. I was determined to be master of my thirst. I had not set out purposefully to do this, yet with every day that passed I felt as if I had won a battle, the voices of the dead that screamed within me seemed muted. I wondered if this was the vampire equivalent of a fast, when humans for spiritual reasons went without food to help in meditation… Still… it didn't change the fact that I was now desperate to feed…. I had purposefully stayed as far away from humans as I possibly could during this time but as I walked closer towards the city lights I knew I had finally broken. I looked at the sign ahead, not knowing really where I had been headed. The sign read 'Old Biloxi Road", interesting I had not even noticed passing from one state to the next. I had been traveling at night sticking to the forests. I kept to the road, it was dark and I had no fear of being seen as I would have in the light of day. Truth be told my hunger envisioned someone stopping in curiosity and my mouth filled with venom at the possibilities. I was that desperate in my thirst, almost shaking with it. Though this was not the longest I had gone without feeding I was unable to hold out much longer. I knew that was why I was so close to the humans now I had given up, my thirst had proved stronger once again.

As I continued walking I heard a faint sound, like a small animal whimpering in pain. As I turned towards it I realized it had to be something else the tenor of it was wrong to have come from an animal. Intrigued and hoping that I had found someone to soothe the burn in my throat. I moved to the fence and jumped over it heading deeper into the forest that hugged the road. As I walked the sounds of the night ceased as they always did, nature seemed to recognize the predator that lived in me. About seven miles into my journey I found her, a small girl, no more than five or six lay curled up on the ground shivering and crying next to a tree. My throat didn't burn and inside me my beast didn't stir. As I looked at the small figure shaking in fear I was speechless, how could I not want to feed? As if sensing me the child stopped crying and looked up with the deepest brown eyes, set in a beautiful heart shaped face, as she gazed at me she smiled. I couldn't tear my gaze from her, I began to notice her appearance. Her head had been shaved, and her gown was filthy, her face had the look of someone who had been starved. The gown she wore hung on her as if all that lay underneath was skin and bone. I was furious, I wanted to slowly tear apart whoever had done this to her.

As I stepped closer I realized there was no scent to her as if she weren't really there. Had I finally lost my mind? Never taking my eyes off of the child I realized something else, my torment was a whisper where once it had been a roar. I remembered every act and deed, but the sharpness which it usually cut me was muted, bearable. She didn't speak she simply looked up at me trustingly, I fell to my knees not six feet from her unable to utter a sound. Did she have some sort of numbing power? Did being around her turn off my own gift? As these thoughts whirled in my head she disappeared, she didn't fade, she was simply there in one moment then gone the next. The the relief I had felt in her presence had left with her yet somehow I found the strength to put a leash on my thirst. Though it still thirst raged I felt as if I were outside of it, the control felt temporary, but I reveled in it nonetheless. My mind calmed and replayed the face of that beautiful little girl looking up at me smiling.

I'm not sure how long I knelt on the ground, it could have been hours or days, I was for once uncertain about the passage of time. I didn't know what had happened to me out here but slowly I stood up and moved towards to where she had lain. There on the spot where she had been was a smooth stone with a carving in the middle of it. The symbols were familiar to me, a vampire we had met a year into my journey with Peter and Charlotte had had such a stone, though his had been hung around his neck. He had been an old vampire over six or seven hundred years old, his human life had started deep in the jungles of central america. He had told us that the stone had been given to him by his mate who had been destroyed in a battle long long ago. He carried the empty look of our kind, the look that said he existed but found no meaning or joy in it. It had been different but the same to my own tortured reality. As I turned the stone over in my hand I saw the faces of a woman and child lovingly etched into the stone. It was a breathtaking work of art, whoever had done this had done it with love. I wondered at how such a treasure could have been lost. Without a thought I put it in my pocket, not wanting to leave it lying on the ground.

Twenty three days had passed since I had left the spot where I had had the vision of the child. It could be nothing else, I still had not fed making it my longest time to have abstained. I was weak with my thirst, dangerous with it. I had continued walking deeper into the forest avoiding the small towns. I found a spot in the middle of the silence and simply sank to the ground, not really sure what I was doing. I took the stone in my hand and sat with my eyes closed unwilling to move afraid to let loose the starving monster within me. I desperately needed to master the excruciating flames that licked at my throat. Even to my cold hands the stone seemed to emanate warmth and something in it seemed to soothe the burn.

They had all been drunk. Stepping into my temporary domain here in the mountains. They were dragging a young girl, no more than fifteen years old, through the brush tearing her skin and laughing as she whimpered her pain. They had already violated and beaten her. They intended to continue her suffering before killing and disposing with her body. I had smelled her blood and my monster snarled with the desire to bite and drink deeply. I was my demon as I sprang on them, the first male I reached was dead too quickly offering no real satisfaction. The small group hadn't noticed, he had been in the back of their macabre procession. I took two more down before the last two noticed what was happening. By then they had entered a small clearing, and as we all looked at each other I was satiated enough to take stock of the situation. The last two men were as different from each other as could be possible. To my left was a smaller man, 5'5" he looked startled but unafraid. To my right was a huge man with beefy arms and my senses felt his malevolence his desires were so dark it momentarily shocked me.

My beast was calmer but I was going for more blood, these two I would savor. I knocked the smaller one out, not wanting to kill him and cool his blood before I had a chance to enjoy it. I approached the bear of the man who held the silent girl. He smiled unaware that he had no chance of besting me. Though as he got a look at my eyes his demeanor changed, his hold slackened and the slight figure slumped to the ground as he tried to turn and run. I was on him before he could even complete that movement. I growled fiercely as I tore into his neck feeding slowly letting my venom do it's work. He writhed in agony unable to make any sound as I reveled in the taste of human blood. The second man was coming around before I had finished but still did not have time to leave the clearing before I caught and consumed him.

I stood there in center of my massacre, they were all dead including the girl and though I would not have hesitated, in my frenzy, to drink her dry these evil men had succeeded in their mission. She had died silently as I attacked her last two tormentors. She lay there half naked, her eyes glassy and her blood cooled. I had gorged myself on the five men who had done this to her and my monster was finally leashed and silent. Though I knew their deaths would haunt me, in that moment as I looked into her empty eyes I couldn't help but be glad at the way they had died, willing this time to shoulder the burden of their deaths and glad that her final moments had been watching them suffer. I buried the men underneath the largest tree and then I took the girl into my arms not wanting to leave her to rot with the men who had ended her life.

I left her body covered with my jacket just outside of the nearest town. She would be found, it would all be questioned and no one would ever know that those responsible had been dealt with. I shook my head for a brief moment wanting somehow let her family know that she had been avenged. Had my family wondered so many years ago? Had they suffered in not knowing?

Without thinking of the consequences I slipped into the shadows to await her discovery. It took less than an hour for her to be found. The man who found her obviously knew her for the grief that enveloped him was so strong it felt like a physical blow. He went back to his car, an old Cabriolet at least five or six year old, and spoke quietly to the woman inside. I heard a moan and then a choking cry as she made a move as if to open her door. The man stopped her, telling her to drive into town and get the sheriff and bring them back to this place. She argued but gave up quickly, driving away slowly. The man turned and sat beside the little girl, not touching her but still seeming to hover protectively beside her. He was whispering to her words of peace, of the certainty that she was in a better place. He broke down and cried at the loss for their family, she was his niece, the daughter of his youngest brother. He promised to care for her loved ones mentioning a little brother and a baby sister the tears were thick in his voice.

His grief told the story of his loss, no word he could ever utter could tell so honestly the sadness that was swallowing him whole. He sat beside her gently humming a hymn I vaguely recognized about going home to glory.

I could hear the cars coming in the distance and new it was my time to leave yet I stayed there in the darkness unable to move away from the scene that was about to unfold.

The first car that arrived was the same one that had just left, the woman quickly stepped out of the car before the man could stop her. She dropped to the ground before him, her face a silent mask of pain, she covered her mouth with both hands as a keening sound seemed to escape her lips. She would gesture to the girl as tears fell in great streams from her eyes, she could never quite touch her so the gesture seemed to be caught in a sad loop of grief as she would bring her hand back to cover her mouth only to reach out again. The police were next to arrive. The younger officer helped the woman to her feet and gently walked her away to her car and getting her to sit in the passenger side, he closed her door as her grief became wrenching sobs. Meanwhile the older officer knelt beside the man who had first discovered her.

"Harold?" he spoke softly, a sad quality to the sound. "Harold? What happened?"

"Doris and I were looking for her, Davis and Margie went south… Stephanie didn't come home, we were all worried" Harold's voice broke with on each word His tearfilled eyes streaming. "I… I volunteered to go this way…" He shook his head as if to come back to the present. "She was just lying here… lying on the side of the road, I couldn't miss her, her hair…" He choked as if trying to stop from crying. "She was just lying here…." He continued in a low hoarse whisper. He kept repeating the phrase as the officer helped him to his feet. "She was just lying here…."

Just then a new car arrived and a man with the same shade of hair as the girl stepped out. I could hear his heart beating faster than the normal human rate. He walked around to the other side and gently helped a small woman, who's eyes matched the little girls, out of the passenger side. These must be her parents I thought the similarities were unmistakable. They walked slowly toward the scene. The older officer, as if just noticing the couple quickly walked forward to intercept them.

"Davis..." The officer's voce was deep with the pain of what he was having to witness. "Davis, I don't think it would be a good idea for Margie to see this" The officer insisted quietly.

"Frank, she is our daughter, we have a right…" Davis spoke softly yet there was steel running through each word. Officer Frank nodded and stood aside. "Frank, can we move her… or… or touch her?" Davis asked his voice getting softer as it broke.

"I'm sorry Davis, we have too… aww Hell…" Frank was gruff with his reply unable to look the father in his eyes.

"We understand" Davis replied. He led his little wife to where the broken pieces of their daughter lay. I was suddenly grateful as I watched that my jacket covered up the damage that had been done to her. As they approached I gathered myself, I sent them a sense of peace all that I could conjure. I sent them all the love that I would have wanted to give to my family had I returned to them. I flooded the area with it and I stayed there sending it out in waves throughout the night as what needed to be done was done. Before the first rays of the sun came over the horizon I left quietly glad that I had been able to do something for the girl and her family.

As I walked away the face of the my own brown eyed girl played over in my mind, she was still smiling as she gazed up into my eyes. I had half expected her to hate me considering what I had done earlier in the night. I steadily found my path deeper into the forest easily finding another quiet spot to contemplate what I would do next.

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><p><strong>So my dear readers what did you think?<strong>

**How do you feel about Jasper's struggle so far?**

**Do you think I have created a picture of his inability to control his vampire nature?**

**Did you understand my need to end it on the note that I did?**

**Let me know by giving me a revue :) it would be much appreciated! And as always thank you for reading**


	5. Chapter 5  Education Alice

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight or any of it's characters**

**Authors Note: Ok, so what you are about to read is total fluff, I'm so, so sorry but it had to happen, I'm going to come back to it after the next chapter which practically wrote itself to give it more meat but for now here you go **

**INSPIRATION: ****I needed to see how Alice was doing, but she knows it all of course, her visions made her transition to 'vegetarian' as painless as was possible but of course there was almost a 28 year gap between when she was created and when she and Jasper finally met.**

**WARNING: Total Fluff**

**COMING NEXT: ****Going Home – Jasper coming to terms with his human past.**

Education

Love. This. Life! I have nothing to compare it to of course but sometimes I just cant stop myself from jumping up and down because i'm brimming over with happiness. My visions have been giving me such a clear picture of the man I am meant to be with and the family we are going to be a part of it's just overwhelming. There is so much to look forward to. I'm incredibly excited about my life! The journey to today has not been an easy one. I have faced so many difficulties but with the help of my family and 'practicing patience' I've over come most of them. Through it all I can't help that i'm giddy with excitement and the fact that... I. Love! This. Life!

I had been a vampire for almost twenty-seven years. The first six years had been spent hidden in the deepest parts of the forest learning to hunt. I never allowed myself to be anywhere near civilization during those early years. My first encounter with a human taught me that I was not strong enough. I had faith that in time I would be. My visions, my special talent, had saved me. Quite by accident I had learned how to guide my gift. I learned that if I made a definite decision do do something I would quickly see the consequences of it. So I started a list of things I needed to know and resolved I would ask specific members of my family.

Though I had never met them, in my heart, the Cullens were very much my family. My list was made of questions related to things I needed to know about this life I was starting as a vampire an sometimes it they were simple curiosity. I would then 'ask' whoever I thought was the best authority. The 'Learning List', as I called it, grew with every passing year. I was thankful for my vampire mind, I could remember everything so easily and knew when the time came all I would have to do is pull out my lists. I have several now and they each have been categorized by person. I have a list of questions for each member of my family, even Rosalie. I can't help but rolling my eyes at that, my list for her has had to be revised several times, due to the extremes of too much or to too little information. The visions I had as a result it all were my 'education'.

Besides Jasper, Esme was the first to truly find a place in my heart. Over those first year she truly became my mother. I loved my conversations with her. She was always ready with a kind word or hug, offering just the right kind of comfort at every turn. We talked about everything, from sex to what would be the best birthday gifts. Esme loved architecture and art and we sometimes got lost in discussing her creations. If Esme was my comfort Carlisle was my conscience. We had discussions that ranged from the deeply philosophical to the practical aspects of this life as a 'vegetarian' vampire. My brother Edward was the best authority on what was the best kind of hunting, he had definite opinions on what would taste the best, and most times he was right. However, I found I disagreed on his opinion of mountain lions, his favorite, a bit too spicy for my taste. I preferred leopards, I had gotten lucky on a few occasions and had been able to savor the deep rich flavor of that particular animal, a definite favorite for me. Then of course there was Emmet, he was all things fun, though he tended to go to far with his joking though quickly learned not to get on my bad side. Rosalie and I had a special connection though it had taken years to develop, we both fluently spoke the languages of Versace, Chanel and Prada, among others many others.

Carlisle, my father, was amazing. His soul was so pure it shined, at least when I thought of him that is what I saw. I already loved him so much, when I had visions of him I knew he was talking to me in my present, he knew that it was not that it was not actually the future me but the past me asking the questions. My father taught me how to hunt, along with my brothers, the actual mechanics of what needed to be done. We had a many detailed conversations about our need to always be careful when deciding where to hunt and precautions that had to be taken before actually starting that hunt. He emphasized the importance of being as far away from humans as possible. I understood this, I knew that in the midst of my frenzy my mind was taken over by instincts alone and my conscious was powerless against it. I knew the importance of not making any mistakes, my first and only one had cost a man his life and had devastated me. I never wanted to go through that again. He also taught me compassion, he was the only one among us who had never fed off of a human and knowing the call of their blood made my respect for him that much stronger. He wasn't superior about it and despite his own clean slate he always included himself when mentioning that ever-present weakness. I doubted that he could not have resisted though since he worked in a hospital proving that he had somehow moved above us all when it came to restraint.

"Alice, its our nature that is our true weakness, our instincts can take us over so completely if we don't learn to master them" his eyes were kind as he held my hand gazing at me with so much trust and faith. We were sitting in his study on the, oh so comfortable, love seat by his towering bookshelves filled with row upon row of medical texts. "You are as capable of succeeding in this life, it's not easy I assure you, even for me" he smiled. "We must always be vigilant, always plan ahead to make sure that we never allow ourselves the possibility of a mistake" he paused as we sat in this silence for a long moment "our mistakes cost lives…" he paused again as if finding it hard to continue. "Every life, human and immortal has value, I know this, I believe this" he turned to look out the window of his office. Esme had installed a beautiful stained glass masterpiece that caught the light in amazing ways making the room look like a shimmering rainbow at certain times of the day. "My greatest sin is that I will always love my family more… more than our 'mistakes'" he closed his eyes at his words. "These moments are an unfortunate part of this existence. In truth, I would never give any of you up, for any reason" he spoke with the same proprietary fierceness that I had begun to associate with Esme. "I will always pray for the souls of the dead that I am responsible." He held his hand up before I could argue with him, "I am responsible, Alice, it's part of my role as head of this family" He shook his head sadly then looked down at our linked hands. "I find that time does not lessen the sting of that pain. I pray every night for the families that we have impacted because of who we are" He looked up at me suddenly a light shining out of his eyes. "Alice, even knowing this, I would not change having any of you here. I know in my heart that we were meant to be a family and somehow we all have a purpose to fulfill." He looked at me then, a smile on his face lightening the mood by degrees "so, my dear, dear girl we must be doubly careful to do all we can to eliminated any chance of failure!" He leaned forward and gave me a hug filled with all the love I could ever want from my father. I disagreed vehemently that he was responsible for the lives our families 'mistakes' had destroyed, most especially for those he had directly created. But I couldn't mistake the truth in his words when he had said that he loved us more than those mistakes and with that thought the vision had faded away stored forever in my heart.

Esme, my mother, was an absolute treasure. Though I knew my heart, body and soul belonged to Jasper I was scared. I had formulated my questions originally for Rosalie, but learned after my first vision that this conversation evoked her 'too much information' response. Esme was the better choice I decided quickly. I had no experience with men no knowledge of how to give or receive pleasure. When I thought of Jasper my entire body burned with sensations I was unfamiliar with but so very curious to explore. My questions were very personal borne out of my nervousness of not being enough for a man of his experience.

"Oh Alice!" Esme giggled. "What a question! You and Jasper have been together for years what could I possibly tell you that you don't already know" she laughed as she ruffled my hair.

"Oh Esme… Please!" this was so embarrassing, having to ask your mother about something so intimate "This is so important to me please!" I pleaded, this was something that I needed to know!

"Well.." she sat and patted the cushion next to her gesturing for me take a seat. "There's really not much I can tell you other than the obvious" she smiled affectionately. "Jasper Whitlock loves you more than anything in the world! A blind man could see how much he adores you" she couldn't help but giggle. Then stopped and looked serious "Please don't be mad, my darling, but truthfully you really will know what to do when the time comes." Her voice was soft and thoughtful. "It's instinct you know… how you feel when you think about him or when he's near you." Her eyes turning soft as she continued. "it's like an electric current that runs over your entire body and you can't seem to get close enough to him, the object of your desire..." If she could have blushed I think her face would have been three shades of red. "I can tell you that for myself, I mostly get filled with the need to simply touch and taste every single part of Carlisle, it's like… hmmm…." She stopped as if trying to find the right words "it's like being warm again. Giving yourself to him and finding such exquisite pleasure in each others arms... is.. is like..." she stopped a look I couldn't describe had settled over her features. "Well, it's incredibly powerful" she closed her eyes and took a deep breath before going on. To be honest I would have blushed if I was capable. I could only imagine what she was remembering. She took my chin in her hand and looked directly into my eyes. "You will find that as you get to know each other you will naturally begin to react in ways that will fulfill every desire. Nothing I can tell you will ever prove to be as erotic as what will come naturally to you when your in each others arms." Her eyes glowed as she continued "In time, my dear daughter, you will find ways of brining him so much pleasure that he will look at you as if you hung the moon and stars just for him." She laughed, as she gently let my face go. I knew she was remembering something private. "I think Alice, that when this does, or did" she couldn't help but giggle again "happen for you, you will find that there is no instruction manual that can guide you in the 'right' way to make love, you will find that it's something as natural as breathing." We both laughed at that, I was beginning to see what she meant. "Now let me show you to some books that I found, they certainly gave me plenty of ideas on how to keep things interesting between myself and Carlisle…." The vision shimmered and faded leaving me with a smile. Esme is the best mom ever!

Edward was like having a twin, we had a special communication that brought us close very quickly…. I felt especially connected to him. I was sad for him though, Edward was alone amidst all of our pairs. Even with us he felt as if he were always outside of us all. The rest of us had our soul mates the someone else that brought something extra that completed who we were. There were times that I would try to look ahead to see if he had someone waiting for him, someone special. But my talent had no direction and all I got was blurry images I could not really understand. I couldn't find any answers for him though I desperately wanted to. He was aimless, no real joy outside of a few distractions that he had cultivated over time. The one we would eventually share would be cars, and the speed in which we would drive them, though outside of Carlisle and Esme we all found a distinct pleasure in that. Ohhh! I was almost jumping out of my skin waiting for that, but sadly cars fast enough to enjoy had yet to be invented…. Ahh well patience was a virtue I was trying really hard to learn.

Emmet was a joy to be around. He was rarely ever serious and our conversations consisted mostly of practical jokes for Edward, our attempts at cheering him up. He was of course always begging me to give him some information that would help him win some new bet with Jasper. As if I ever would!

Rosalie, well... Rosalie was something else. My first vision of meeting her had given me the distinct impression that she would rather tear me apart than welcome me. If it had not been for Jasper she probably would have tried. He stood beside me covered in scars, from head to foot, looking adorably protective. He was every bit the fierce warrior. But I had become a bit of a fashionista, in my time preparing to meet them all, she quickly warmed up to me. She was excited about finally having someone to talk to about the 'important things' and the possibility of finally having an ally to bully Esme into caring about the latest trends. Despite her many character flaws, Rosalie absolutely adored Esme, just for that I loved her.

The majority of my thoughts revolved around Jasper, my heart absolutely ached with missing him. It was odd really, missing someone you hadn't met yet. In my heart I know him, better than I know myself! Just as I resolved my lists of questions for my other family members, I had my own for him, this list was longer and more involved. I got to know him through the many visions that came to me without prompting. These visions were filled with death and despair and almost always left me shaken and crying. I still had questions though, the answers I needed to hear from his lips. The most important were the questions about his past, that particular vision had left me weeping and feeling broken for months. I had wanted to take him into my arms and sooth away all of his pain and yet there I was far away unable to be there for him.

"Tell me please Jasper… Please!" I begged him softly leaning looking up into his eyes "I want to know everything about you, everything!"

"Alice..." he drawled ending my name in a sad sigh, his sweet breath doing amazing things to me. "it's not a fairy tale with a happy ending and a prince" he turned to look at me his eyes bright with some deep emotion. "I… I guess I don't want to loose you over what I was… what I still struggle against being…" He sounded desolate. I would have rolled my eyes if he hadn't looked so serious. As if anything he could ever say would turn me away. I gathered everything I felt for him and hugged it around him. I heard him catch his breath and he leaned down to take possession of my lips, I melted into him as his tongue slipped into my mouth dancing with mine, gently creating intricate movements that drove my passion. He almost distracted me with that. I could never get enough of kissing him. I poured into him everything that he inspired me, all the love, and desire, the respect and awe, everything that had grown in me in the years I had waited for him. I showed him that I would endure anything for him, would gladly share in his struggle, to be the man I knew he was! All I ever wanted was to be with him, to always be able to touch him to love him, to be what he needed.

"Jasper, my love, you can never loose me!" I said thickly as I pushed him back into the couch quickly straddling him and winding my arms around his neck. Leaving barely an inch between our faces I bent down to kiss each scar on his neck and even the ones on his shoulders through the thin cotton of his shirt having memorized, after our first night together, the position of every single one. I finished by lightly kissing each edge of his mouth before looking deeply into his changing eyes. His eyes were loosing the ruby red glow but ever so slowly, this life was truly a struggle for him. He caught my head in his hands and gently kissed me just underneath my left ear before rearranging my position on his lap. He was cradling me now, my resting on his shoulder. His voice was barely a whisper as he began his story.

He told me of what he remembered of his creation, the pain of his transformation, his first feeding and all the horrors that had ensued. He told me of the bitch, also known as Maria and his relationship to her. I was glad he could not see my eyes, and even more that I could not shed tears I simply fed him all my love as he continued. I wasn't jealous of his having been with her, well… that's a lie, it did hurt me but mostly I was sad at what had driven him to do so. Their union had not been one of love, for him it had been an escape the sensations he got from bing with with her took him away if only briefly from the constant bombardment of the chaos that he lived in.

He described every battle in painful detail. I stroked his arm and kissed his neck from time to time, and when I felt his sadness peaking I simply responded with my unwavering love and affection. Every vision I had of him showed me just how deeply he loved me nothing was a mystery it simply confirmed that we were meant to be. His love felt like the brightest flame, just like Esme had told me, it was like being warm. He always hesitated when it came to his moments with his creator, Maria. I could feel how much he did not want to hurt me with those memories. He still respected me enough not to hold anything back.

I was devastated that I had not been there with him, that I had not been given the opportunity to fight for him to wrap my love around him and protect him from the misery that had been his life without me. The bitch had made him eliminate those in her 'army' she deemed useless. I could only imagine what that had done to him especially with his gift. I was not a violent person or rather vampire, but I had wanted to rip her head off of her body for that alone. I have darker thoughts regarding her but I'm dealing with those. He described every being he had to slaughter and showed me with his emotions how it had affected him. He recounted every time he had failed at trying to control his thirst and how the consequences always shattered him. I continued to lightly kiss his neck and hold him tighter letting my feelings of acceptance and love for him flow out of me.

I clung to him harder as his story continued. Maria had wanted to kill him but Peter had come back to take him away. He had traveled with them for almost five years before leaving them unable to control his gift and refusing to torture his friends with his violent emotions.

He sobbed into my ear how he knew he did not deserve me, tightening his hold on me as if ready for me to shriek in horror and run away. He whispered brokenly about wishing he were strong enough to let me go and find a someone who was worthy of my love but warning me that it was too late and though he would never hurt me he would tear apart anyone who ever stood between us. This didn't scare me, I felt just as strongly about him I would happily obliterate anyone who tried to take him from me.

The time flew by quickly and I hadn't realized just how much until a vision of Carlyle giving me advise on how to integrate with humans before I realize I was ready to start. This was the most painful part of my education and it took over ten years to gain the control I needed to be around them enough not to want to kill them. I started by degrees. I chose random small town around the state of Nebraska. I would basically get closer and closer to the humans living there but never farther than I thought I could handle. I always overfed not wanting to leave anything to chance. Slowly over the next ten years I built my tolerance.

Next I began exploring my interests. With my gift I found I was very good at making money investing first in small ventures, that turned quickly successful. I built on each success becoming quite wealthy within only a few years. I began to travel, to see a bit of the world. I knew because of a vision that had been with me from the beginning of this life when and where I would meet Jasper, well not the exact when but I had whittled it down to a year at least. Every time I had tried to find him sooner it always failed, so again practicing patience I decided to do the best with time I had before we could be together.

I went to Parsons, in Paris, to study fashion. Of course! I affected the look of a sophisticated eccentric, always covered from head to toe with scarves, sunglasses and gloves. All of my professors' were given the impression that I had a debilitating allergy to sunlight and were kind enough not to insist on my going anywhere near it during classes. My talent may have played a larger hand in their consideration. All of the inconveniences were worth it! The world of fashion was an absolute joy for me to live in. I learned French, I walked the city at night and I told Jasper all about it in the journal I had started for him three years into my new life. I had made a habit of writing down every experience I had that meant something. Wanting to share the moments I had to endure before finding him. I looked forward to the day I could sit with him and read them all to him. I had collected thirty over the years.

I began to plan and design my wedding during those six wonderful years, the last two years were spent as an assistant to an incredible designer who for some reason I ordered a wedding dress not even close to my measurements but that seemed to be of the utmost importance. I designed my own wedding dress and of course what every member of my family would wear as well. Even though we did not eat food I still designed the cake, I wanted those pictures for the album I planned to create. I went so far as actually make the clothes that for everyone and sent it to storage in the U.S. I had everything ready for when the time came. I loved thinking about my wedding, of standing before Jasper and promising to be his forever and his doing the same. Sometimes I missed him so much it hurt.

The Cullens were proving to be just as elusive, as if whoever or whatever controlled my visions had some preordained order to the way certain things had to go. I was willing to wait, I wanted to be with Jasper first, as much as I loved my family I knew he had to be the first one that I found. I had visions of him in his life and some were hard to see but at least I got to see him, to cry for him, to want to put my arms around him and comfort him. He still did not know I existed, that I was waiting for him. So I wrote, I wrote about my love for him, all the things that I was learning through my visions of our time together. I poured my love, my impatience and my growing desire for him on every page.

I would think of him often, I was almost finished with my classes and was actually looking forward to going back. I had already booked my flight and was looking forward to beginning my journey to Jasper. If my heart could beat I would probably have had a heart attack I couldn't have contained my excitement!

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><p><strong>So my dear readers what did you think?<strong>

**How do you feel about Alice's education?**

**What do you think about her trip to Paris?**

**How do you feel about her planning her wedding?**

**Her excitement and impatience at finding Jasper?**

**Let me know by giving me a revue :) it would be much appreciated! And as always thank you for reading!**


	6. Chapter 6 Going Home Jasper

**should he not return **

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight or any of it's characters**

**So here is a brand spanking new chapter (10/11/11), and my muse hasn't left me yet so I'm moving on to the next.**

**INSPIRATION: I wanted Jasper to make some sort of peace with his past and this part of the story was borne from that.**

**COMING NEXT: Philadelphia – I'm going to be doing this chapter in alternating POV's this is of course when Alice and Jasper meet. Expect some lemons.**

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><p>Going Home<p>

Since that moment by the side of the road, four year ago, where I had left a family with some little peace I began realizing maybe for the first time that there was some humanity left in me. It was as if some deep and secret part of me had believed that there was nothing left of the self that had been human. Over the decades, I realized that I had been battling my thirst, my vampire nature and when time and time again it proved more powerful I greatly feared that I had turned into a tortured demon. I had never wanted to be a that. When becoming a vampire I lost my family, my hopes and dreams of the future… I felt I had lost my honor. Though memories fade there is an essence to us all, a core that survives the transformation. I had never wanted to be this, this creature that fed off the very beings I once was. Suddenly I felt an overwhelming urge to reach for the memories of that life, I wanted to find something that would help me remember who I was.

I fed sporadically, the pain of experiencing my victims deaths had become too excruciating I gradually found the will to fight my thirst for longer periods of time. I was beginning to desire the end of my suffering. My victims were the homeless masses so easily found in the dark corners of most cities, their number growing since some difficult economic times had taken ahold of the country. As the months turned into years the face of the little girl would be a constant visitor in my thoughts, something about her kept me from taking the steps that would lead to my destruction. I had pondered the idea of returning to Maria, almost hoping she still had the desire to have me destroyed, and as always when my thoughts went in that direction the small face of my brown eyed girl would revisit me.

Without real thought I realized I was traveling towards Houston, TX. Suddenly I was hit with the urge to see if any vestige of my human life remained. I only had dim memories of my father and mother, of my brother Joseph. I walked into town just after the sun had given its final farewell. The changes devastated me, I knew that it had been decades since I had been here that change was inevitable but somehow in my mind it had always remained the same. The few memories I had of my human life were the only vestiges left to me, and as I looked around I felt a deep sorrow fill me. I knew I had hoped to find some sign of my human life, some proof that it had been real, that I had not always been this fiend. As I walked down what had once been familiar streets my heart ached at the wreckage of my past. The estate that I had grown up in was gone, only the house remained a sign in the window offering a room for rent. My childhood home was crowded in by houses to closely built together. The fields surrounding it where I had played as a child were gone. I had prepared for this journey having fed well only two days before. I wore some tinted glasses in order to hide my eyes as I gazed up at the house that had once been my home. I couldn't stop myself from walking up the steps to the door. As I knocked I almost fell over in shock as it was opened, standing there before me was Joseph and oddly enough he looked younger than I remembered him.

"Yes sir" the young boy spoke.

"I was wondering if the room was still available?" I couldn't help but ask. The shock of seeing Joseph alive more that 80 years later looking no older than a teenager was impossible, then I realized this must be a descendant.

"Come on in, I'll get my mama" the boy replied as he gestured me in with a smile. He did not seem to have the normal reaction that most humans had at my presence.

As I walked in the door I saw that few things had been changed. The child walked down the hall and into what had once been the kitchen. I noted that the oil lamps that had once lit the halls had been updated, the carpets had been changed and some of the family portraits had been replaced with those of a new family. As I turned to the right and stepped into the parlor I realized that a lot of the furniture that I had grown up with was still there. My memories though hazy seemed to have grown in number since stepping through the door. My mothers chair that I had scuffed with new spurs was still in the corner next to her knitting basket. The huge mirror my father had ordered from Philadelphia for my mothers birthday still hung over the fireplace, my mother had been from that 'grand city' as she liked to call it. As I stepped further inside I gasped, there opposite my mothers chair was the last portrait my father had commissioned of me. I had not even been there to see it's completion having already enlisted and gone by then. I had been about to turn seventeen years old, my hair had not changed in all these decades, still shoulder length and wavy blond, the artist had managed to capture the different shades of gold that made up it's color. The portrait showed my blue eyes filled with the anticipation of wanting to join the war. I had forgotten the color of my eyes and as I looked at the smiling face of my human self my grief at that lost life was overwhelming. I was careful not to breath for fear of becoming dangerous to the humans here having succumbed to my deep emotions. Willing myself to calm I continued cataloging what had changed and what had stayed the same in the room.

"Sir?" A woman's voice called from the entryway. She was beautiful, tall and slender, her skin was naturally tan and she bore a strong resemblance to Melody, a name I had just remembered. Melody had been Josephs sister, my own sister. We had watched over her together, Joseph and I. The woman was smiling at me in a friendly manner, like her son she seemed oblivious to the danger that most humans sensed in my presence. I could also feel a gentle curiosity, she thought I looked familiar but couldn't quite place where she knew me. "my son says your lookin' for a room?" she continued, her kind eyes looking at me softly.

I nodded not wanting to breath in her scent, grateful for once that I had fed so well before coming here, it was still difficult but I was in control.

"Well, as it happens my fathers study has been converted to a bedroom, it's small but it's comfortable" she replied with a smile. "Follow me."

"Mighty grateful ma'am" I answered with the last of my breath. I following her as she walked out of the parlor and made a right in the front hallway. As she walked she told the tale of how her family had lived in this house since before the civil war. Her grandmother had cared for the original owners Mr. and Mrs. Justice Whitlock. "In truth they were like family" she said a smile in her voice. After their death, the house, property and wealth had all been left to her grandmother and her two children. Joseph had been her father! Just as she came to that part we had reached the room.

"Well young man, this house has been preserved in the memory of Justice Whitlock, he saved many lives, before, during and even after the civil war. You are welcome to make yourself comfortable" she smiled as she spoke. "All I ask is that you take great care with anything you use." she dropped the key into my hand looking at me intently before smiling deeply and turning an walking out of the room. She finally recognized the resemblance and was touched by the coincidence.

I knew the room well, I had played here as a child. This had been Josephs bedroom. My memories seemed to be surfacing, they were blurry and out of focus but there. As I looked around I noticed the bed had changed, the bookshelf had been moved and a larger desk had been added and the smaller one removed. As I turned to face the door I had passed through I saw that the entire wall was covered in pictures and drawings an incredible collection that spanned years leaving hardly any of the green silk wall covering showing through. There was a crude drawing of Joseph looking as if he were plotting some mischief, I had drawn that I remembered startled, I had enjoyed a certain talent with sketching a long time ago. As I began to study each picture I began to see the years passing in each frame. Joseph had lived! Joseph had lived and thrived! My mind kept repeating it, like a soothing song, a pain that I had not realized I had been carrying lifted inside of me and I felt a sharp relief in it's absence. I studied the photographs as they told the story of his life, his marriage and three children, An older boy two girls and the youngest a small smiling boy. The youngest was only in a few more pictures before he disappeared entirely, something about that made me sad. There were pictures of our parents and Melody. She had been so young when we had left, only twelve the memory spoke to me. I stepped towards the bookshelf curious to see what Joseph left behind when I remembered our special hiding place. Wondering if after all these years it was still there I dropped to the floor and found the notch in the board, almost in the middle of the room, where we had hidden our most special treasures as children. It had not been lifted in years the contents inside the hiding place were caked in dust. But I noticed, wrapped in plastic a familiar, leather book the edges now slightly curled and yellowed with age.

Carefully I lifted the contents one by one from the dark little space. There were tin soldiers, old candy wrappers, cards with naked ladies on them. I surprisingly remembered that my mother had caught us with our first set and set them on fire. The memory flashed through me and I couldn't help a smile. There were other things, some I remembered others I didn't though I felt certain they should have been familiar. Last I took out the book removing it from its wrapping and carefully opened it to the first page.

What lay between the pages was both a blessing and a curse. I experienced the war through Josephs eyes. Where once my support of the cause had been a disagreement of the power of the government, through his eyes I realized how truly wrong I had been. I listened to the words on the page, it was as if I could hear Josephs voice through the words.

Joseph had recorded all of our experience during my service. He told of the hardship, the sadness and his frustration at being on the wrong side of the lines. He recounted the first glimpse we had of the true evil man was capable of. Through each word I could feel his pain as he recorded the horror we had witness when coming upon a homestead just outside of Del Rio, the family there had been obviously brutalized before they had been slaughtered. We had never known which side had committed that atrocity and over the years he realized it didn't matter. It had happened and regardless of the culprits, it was wrong. He spoke of the officers who's callous manners had allowed their men the freedom to become monsters. Then he let me see myself through his eyes. He had admired and respected me during this time together. He wrote about my ability to bring calm to numerous situations. My refusal to stomach any of the deviant violence that other officers turned a blind eye to. He described my moments of valor and decency on the field of battle.

I remembered then, a night spent at a local pub, listening to such stories and reveling in the idea that they were about me. As I read the praise in Josephs hand all I could feel was a deep sadness at all that I had lost because of a vain boys wish to play hero. Through each accounting I could see his wisdom and patience. He had thought me dutiful and noble and to the end he had been proud to see that in my service I had served a greater purpose he would have never have foreseen. I had lost those memories… but reading his words was a consolation, making me grateful that there had been good in me as a human. Much to soon I came to the final pages. I read this particular entry several times though I had memorized it in the first reading.

October 17, 1963

It has been six months and I know in my heart that Jasper is gone. I am completely unmanned by my failure. I had not been strong enough to fulfill his fathers plea to keep him safe, to bring him home. Justice had known that he could not stop his son. Weeks before Jasper went to enlist he had called me into his study. Justice Whitlock is a tall man with deep russet hair his blue eyes were a perfect match to those of his son. They were replicas of one another outside of the hair, which Jasper inherited from his mother. Justice is a strong man, a good man! He did not deserve this.

He took my family in, gave us a home even knowing my father was injured and would be unable to earn his keep. He had never treated us like slaves and even gave us our freedom soon after bringing us to his estate, stating that it was not his to give that no one had a right to label us that way to begin with. My father had been unable to travel and we had decided to stay and serve his household. He accepted my mothers offer to run his home and went so far as to get a doctor to see to my fathers comfort. They became great friends, he and my father, enjoying long conversations that I did not understand as a child. I was six years old at the time and though I was not given a job I was given chores. Justice could not hold out against my mother when she was determined about something. He had never asked for anything of us. Never made us feel as if we owed him for saving our lives. He treated us all like family even went so far to educate me, though in private. He had stood by me, hand on my shoulder, on the day my father died silently comforting me with that gesture.

On that day that he asked me to join him in his office and I saw the look on his face, I knew. He needed me and what he needed me to do. He did not have to ask I could see the shame on his face as he sat beside me clenching and unclenching his hands. I looked at him and promised. I looked him in the eye and promised to watch over his son. I could see the relief mixed with the shame for needing to ask. I'm sorry Joseph, I'm sorry to ask this of you he had said quietly.

After everything that Justice Whitlock had done for us, I had failed in fulfilling the only request he ever made of me. He never blamed me, I heard the sincerity in his voice when he said so. Yet the ache of his loss will live with me for the rest of my days.

That final night when Jasper rode away with that familiar smile so certain that there was no danger, or maybe… that's wrong, he must have felt something. Sometimes I can almost convince myself that he knew that something was out there. I know I had felt something in the air and I was never as sensitive to things like he was.

Jasper left asking me for a promise, he wanted me to tell his father that he had fought with honor should he not return. I would have done so regardless it was the God's honest truth. He had been so confident as he disappeared into the distance. That confidence had blinded me to the danger that I had felt, in my very bones. I should have stopped him! I should have called him back! It's to late now, I cannot change the past no matter how much I wish it.

This is now a house in mourning, Justice has been devastated by this loss and Beth just sits in her chair and stares at Jaspers portrait weeping silently. Justice knew, he knew the moment he saw me coming up the drive alone, leading Jaspers horse. He had taken a few steps towards me before falling to his knees and crying out his agony. The entire household had descended quickly after, the women wailing in grief when they realized what news I had brought with me. I had been unable to speak for hours after my arrival, simply sitting in the parlor, looking at the floor, my throat closed on the truth I had to share.

How could I tell him, what words could I use to let these parents know that their only child was gone? Killed by monsters… Even now as I sit at this desk surrounded by light I still hold the fear of those nights in my very soul they are as real to me now as the quill I'm holding in my hand.

The officers had refused to go look for him, I knew in my bones something was not right when he had not returned by first light. Then there were the screams that came at us for almost three days with little relief, screams of agony so fierce I could almost swear we could feel his pain and terror wash through us all. It was Jasper, I know it in my heart it was him. Though I will never tell Justice, Beth or the rest of my family.

I wanted to run out there, I wanted to turn back the clock and change the events that led to this. I bow my head with the shame of my cowardice, I could not bring myself to go look for him those first two nights. We were all so frightened, even the soldiers who had fought next to him, respected him could not bring themselves to venture out to investigate.

Sister Magdalena, had refused to stay, she had taken the fifteen orphans that she had rescued and bundled them up for the journey, three other families agreed to go with her they felt the evil in the air. She had been given the use of the wagon and assigned eleven soldiers to keep them safe on their way to Austin.

I can't help but regret not having tried to stop him… Nothing I do now can change the past. My sorrows are just echoes of my torment of the devastating decisions I made that night. I will have to live with this guilt for the rest of my days.

I admit now that I hated the fact that he insisted on joining, I hated that he refused to see what he was truly fighting for. As I sat in the kitchen with my mother knowing full well where he was headed, I was of two minds. I wanted to beat the tar out of him for being so blind but at the same time I was just as afraid as Justice. Afraid that he would go off and die and we would never know what happened to him. We had grown up together Jasper and I. I had taught him how to fish and with his father we had taught him to ride his first horse. We had gotten in to so much mischief as children it was a wonder either of us had survived.

I had been his protector for so long I never questioned that role. To be around Jasper when he was happy was to be happy, his joy would enfold us all. There was nothing like it, every positive emotion that he felt he seemed able to share with everyone around him. It was so easy to love him, my little brother despite the difference in the color of our skin. In a household made up of mostly women he had been a welcome addition. Justice and Beth always treated us all like family, we are still a family despite this tragedy. My mother takes care of Beth with great gentleness, Beth is no longer the carefree woman she once was, none of us are.

My mother somehow knew that I would be going even though I had not said a word to her. She had packed a sack of food and told me to be safe. There were tears in her eyes, but as I gazed at her that day I could also see pride. She was hurt with what Jasper was doing, but she knew there was no stopping him. I waited for him to come out from the makeshift barracks before approaching him and asking him where we were headed to first. That was the first time I think I had ever seen Jasper Whitlock at a loss for words!

In the three years that we lived the lives of soldiers he showed just how much he was his fathers son. He never stepped down when there was a need to defend the weak and helpless. More times than I can count he managed to diffuse situations that had been poised to explode saving countless lives in the process. Once he achieved rank, which happened quickly, he refused to stomach any of the depravity that so many other officers allowed, severely punishing the guilty. So much like his father, I finally saw why the good Lord had given him the passion to be where he was. He was helping my people by tempering the evil that lived on this side of the war. He would send messages to his father through some of the more abused black men and boys knowing what his father would do. Justice has told me since how proud he had been, finally understanding why his son had to do what he did. Jasper had been fulfilling his purpose.

On the night that he went to look for that ridiculous child, I knew in my gut once he had mentioned wounded that something was wrong. I had wanted to call him back but he had his duty and as an honorable man I knew he could do nothing but follow it through. Jasper took his responsibilities very seriously. Two nights after he disappeared I managed to gather my courage, I was determined to find him, even if all that was left to find was his body. I left them then, five families, eighteen men, twelve women and five children, and the dozen or so soldiers who guarded them. I headed back in the direction that he had gone. Something, invisible to my eyes, spooked my horse and before I knew it we were galloping away in the wrong direction, not wanting to loose my mount I hung on for dear life.

I'm not sure how long that wild ride lasted but I ended up thrown and knocked senseless a few miles south of the half ridge. By the time I had gained my wits and found my horse I was not sure how much time had passed. The sun was barely breaking over the horizon but I wasn't sure if I had lost a few hours or possibly a full day. As I gathered my bearings, I began to recognize some of the landmarks finding them quickly because my horse's tracks were deep enough to follow back. I decided to check on the encampment before heading back in the direction I had last seen Jasper heading.

What I found was a massacre, almost everyone was dead. Those that had survived the attack were terrified, unable to speak as they quietly dug the graves. I helped bury the bodies, afraid every time they brought a man over that it would be Jasper. Truthfully in my heart I knew that he was not here.

Javier, the old drunk, had approached me when I first arrived swearing that Jasper was still alive, that he had been one of the monsters that had committed this atrocity. I'm not proud of it but I beat the man within an inch of his life, I had to be pulled off of him.

All I know now is that those screams we heard, those screams of torture have never left me. I know that if it was Jasper he suffered greatly at the hands of his captors. I also know that whatever happened he was a good man who saved many lives, who was deeply loved by his family, every single one of us.

I searched for him for over five months, finding several bodies along the way. The first was of a young girl, no more than sixteen years old. She had been lying on the ground, her face a mask of terror, her eyes glassy and her skin as white as a ghost. It had scared me, but I had been unable to leave her to the animals. I buried her, leaving a large red and orange hued stone as her only marker. I also found the body of the young private that had started this all, his face also held that look of terror, I buried him as well, though I took his few belongings to hand over to his regimen. I found eight other bodies in similar states as the first two. I had found Jasper's horse a few days in simply leading him with me, wondering if he would be carrying Jasper's body home with me. I would not bury him anonymously in this wasteland. I found nothing. Near the girl I thought I'd felt his presence, that familiar whisper of feeling that I always seemed to surround him, but I'm sure now that it was all simply wishful thinking.

I know till the day I die I will be grateful to have called him brother. In my darker moments, I'll admit to wishing that it was him, despite all the dead, I would rather he be alive no matter what he became. I also hope that there is peace for him wherever he is.

He had signed his name, Joseph Whitlock, after the final line. As I looked through the rest of the book I found only blank pages and felt saddened. Reading his words had been like having him right in front of me. When I reached the end of his writing I felt as if I had lost my brother all over again. My human self had been loved, it hurt to think of it but oddly enough I didn't feel quiet so alone. As I sat there on the floor covered in dust a soft knock came to the door and it slowly opened.

"Hello, Jasper" a familiar lilting voice called me.

I looked up and gazed into the eyes of my past. There in the doorway stood Melody, she was an old woman now, tall and beautiful. Her white hair seemed to be the only indication of her age.

"I knew it was you!" she said as her eyes seemed to take me in. "Joseph spoke of you so often, sometimes when he was really sad he said he hoped you were still alive" she chuckled. "We would always nod, if you had been alive you would have come home long ago" She didn't step into the room though I could feel her desire to do so. "I know you are dangerous, and I know that you will probably leave us before we wake…." she looked at me searchingly "hopefully you will leave us alive" she said it almost in a whisper. "We are your family Jasper whether you claim us or not" she spoke my name slowly. I startled at the sound of it passing her lips. There was a long silence before she said anything else. "Tell me something…"she spoke quietly "Was it you? Was it you they were torturing?" she asked tears in her eyes.

"Yes" I whispered "And my torment has not yet ended" I stood up wishing for the first time that I could remember, that was capable of hugging this woman without hurting her, that I could sob out my grief at what I had become.

"I think he knew that" she choked out "he always felt guilty for not going to you right away" she looked so sad for something that had happened so long ago.

"I'm glad he didn't" I replied "I would have killed him with what I had become" there was shame in my voice. She made a movement as if to come closer but stopped.

"Please don't, your right you know, I am not safe" I said this sadly. I looked up then looking into her eyes. "I loved you all, and I deeply regret what I did. it's been so long and I had thought I had lost these memories." I was filled with regret so thick it almost chocked me. Regret that my life had ended before I could make things right, regret that so many had suffered in my almost century of my second life.

She folded her self to the floor and leaned on the doorjamb before she spoke. "You know, Jasper, your parents, my mother all of us really could not understand why you did what you did. But as that first year passed I can tell you with certainty that that changed…" she was thoughtful and spoke in almost a whisper. "Your father was so proud of you, and your mother though of course worried felt the same. They did mourn you Jasper, and you were always in their hearts but they accepted that you had been meant to do what you did." She stopped as if unable to find the right words. "Every message that you and Joseph sent was a chronicle of the good you were able to do in a time and place of great evil, you saved so many lives" she finished in a fierce whisper.

"I've destroyed even more!" I responded, sadness thick in my voice.

"Oh Jasper! I feel your pain, you have not changed in that" her gaze became unfocused as she pulled out a memory. "You were always so much fun to be around" she smiled "it was like… I don't know, like walking into happiness when being around you." She suddenly looked serious. "I'm so glad you are here" there was trust in her eyes, like somehow she knew that I was not here to harm them, I hoped she was right. "Joseph came home a broken man" her voice hitched as she spoke "he was no longer the laughing prankster, he would sit quietly and simply stare at the floor or walls" She shook her head sadly. "He found some measure of happiness when he met Clara, his wife, and he showered us all with his love and affection. It was hard to miss that inside himself he still felt responsible for having let you go. Justice would sometimes sit with him, asking him for the stories of your life as a soldier." She had a sad smile on her face "I would listen in sometimes, when they did no know I was there. Beth would sometimes sit beside me, and we would hug each other as we heard about all the good you had done, and even some of the trouble that you caused, you were both to much the practical jokers to be serious all the time" Her smile brightened a bit "I remember that most… about you and my brother" She looked serious again as she spoke "Jasper, they always missed you and their grief stayed with them to their deaths, but you should know we brought them some measure of happiness as our family grew." There were tears in her eyes as she lapsed into silence.

As I stood there shaking, taking in all that she had told me, she stood up and came forward placing a gentle hand on my arm. I could not hug her I was afraid to even touch her but that gesture, that comfort was my undoing. I turned carefully and put my arms around her not breathing as I gently took her in my arms. For the first time in over eighty years I felt my past come forward and tenderly hold me. For the first time in my new life someone was touching me with love exuding such a mix of sadness, respect and happiness that the feeling alone kept me grounded. For that moment I felt connected, I did not feel like a leaf caught in the wind unable to control my own destination. I gave her the love I had buried deep inside myself for my family, I let her know in my silence how grateful I was for her gift. I stepped back slowly after what seemed like forever but had only been a few seconds. With my hands on her shoulders, I looked deeply into her eyes, not daring to breathe but wanting her to know how much peace she had given me. I quickly bent down and took Josephs journal and handed it to her. I looked into her eyes hoping she could read my intentions. I would never come back, I could never put my family in the danger my very presence caused. I would take no mementoes, those were safe in my heart. She nodded as if understanding my silent words and I turned and walked out of the door. I went into the parlor one last time, Melody's mixture of love and sadness following me as I kneeled before my mothers chair. I'm not sure what I was hoping to find, some small hint of her. I prayed in that position, something I had not done in this life. I prayed that she was somewhere peaceful with my father, with Mettie and Joseph. And then I left catching my reflection in my mothers mirror as I walked to the door and out of the house.

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><p><strong>So my dear readers what did you think?<strong>

**How do you feel about Jasper's struggle so far?**

**What do you think about his reaching out to revisit his past?**

**Let me know by giving me a revue :) it would be much appreciated! And as always thank you for reading!**


	7. Chapter 7 Philadelphia

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight or any of it's characters**

**AUTORS NOTE: Sorry it took so long guys, we had a family emergency and well as things go life just got in the way. Hope you like what I've brought you**

**INSPIRATION: I wanted to see what the moment of their meeting was like, taking into consideration Alice had been waiting for Jasper for almost thirty years, getting to know him through her visions but never getting to see or touch him, imagine all that pent up need! And well Jasper with his gift, how did he react to everything pouring out of Alice. What comes next is what came out of my wondering hope you enjoy!**

**WARNING: LEMONS! Almost all LEMONS!**

**COMING NEXT: New Life – Jasper and Alice getting to know each other and Jaspers first steps into his new life as a 'vegetarian' vampire.**

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><p>Philadelphia<p>

December 1947

Alice

I could hear the drip, drip, drip of the coffee machine. That horrible, horrible machine! Vampires should never ever drink coffee! Ever! A lesson I learned the hard way. I absolutely refuse to do anything like that again! Never ever! Not only did I drink coffee but I had a piece of pie! I will never! Ever! Do that again! Just the memory of the experience made me feel wrong. The lengths that I had to go through to get that horrible gloppy substance out of my body was forever branded in my mind as the one of the worst moments of my life.

For the past five months I have sat at this same red cushioned stool just one of the many that lined the white formica lunch counter. There were booths lining the opposite wall each sporting the same, fake red leather upholstery as my stool. The diner was small run by a mumbling man named Duncan and two waitresses Daniela and Madison. This place had come to represent both my heaven and hell. Daniela felt sorry for me I knew, over the last five months she often whispered to Madison trying to figure out my story. She had gone from long lost love to meeting some random family member. She seemed to notice how sad I always seemed and made it a point to be extra friendly to me. I simply could no longer hide how I felt every day felt like torture, if it were possible I missed and ached for Jasper more and more every day. I was constantly in a state of anxiety which left me indecisive and as a result my visions were an incomprehensible hazy blur leaving me relatively blind. Aghhhh! I felt, well... normal...

I have become so accustomed to being able to 'see' my way to the next step that this turn of events left me nervous and uncertain. I always wore something different, one of my own creations. I couldn't even make a decision about that, I never wore the same thing twice, wanting every day to look perfect for him. Today was a soft green dress with little straps that held up the fitted top, the skirt was was long and danced around me whenever I moved or stood up.

This place was the one variable that never changed, this place with it's worn linoleum floor and straight forward menu written in chalk on the wall was the same in every iteration of my vision. I had always known that this is where I would meet Jasper. I closed my eyes and pictured his face, his hard handsome features, shoulder length wavy locks in varying shades of honey and gold and his eyes! Oh! I bit my lip just thinking about it. I could drown in his eyes. I longed for him, every part of me was in a state of nervousness, excitement, panic and most of all impatience. I could always picture his perfect face, the line of his jaw, his full lips, his solid shoulders and comforting arms. It was times like these when I really wished I could shed tears, I wished that I could express the torment that defined this waiting. Almost thirty years of biding my time waiting for him. And yet here I was knowing that soon I would finally be able to see him to touch him and my patience was out the window. I ached to breathe in his scent, to memorize his face with my hands to kiss his lips and hold him in my arms.

I was practically jumping out of my skin just knowing that soon he would walk through that door. Still, it seemed as if it would never happen. Time was proving to be my enemy, it simply could not move fast enough! I had flown in on Aéropostale in December landing in New York City. I knew that he would not be in Philadelphia till April or May of the next year. I could not stop myself from heading in this direction even knowing I would have to wait. I walked, It took me a little over a week because I traveled only at night and took every opportunity to feed. Though I could not concentrate enough during this times to get any clear visions. Even as 'blind' as I found myself I knew that there were some difficult times ahead. Jasper was not a 'vegitarian' but I knew in my heart that this was the life he needed in order to find peace.

Aghhh! That infernal drip! I couldn't help turning to glare at the machine. I clenched my hands in my lap, stopping myself from screaming out my frustration. I wanted to jump over the counter and smash the machine to dust. But I stayed in my seat pretended to eat the blueberry pie and drink my second cup of coffee. The coffee was easy to get rid of, I would pretend to drink and when an opportunity arose I would pour it down the sink on the other side of the counter. The pie I lobbed intermittently into the trash bin across from me when no one was looking. I waited. I looked at the clock and waited. I twirled in my seat and waited. I would stay for only an hour after 'the time' and then get up wave my goodbyes and head out the door. I would go to the edge of the city and then run out my frustrations as I looked for prey. I fed almost daily in order to help me stay safe around the humans in the small diner, though sometimes I just raced into the night trying desperately to outrun my misery and attempt to regain some patience.

Jasper

I left Texas behind, unwilling to stay within it's borders after my journey into the past. Part of me was healed or at least on it's way to being healed. I was still reeling from everything I had learned there. It still astounded me. I had been loved, I had meant something to my family, I had done some good in my human life. It was hard to bear knowing that I was not safe around them but that did not diminish my joy in knowing that there was an honorable legacy to my family name. I had no destination in mind, all my thoughts were stuck on an endless loop replaying my visit home. The wonderful gift of regaining some lost memories was a balm to me. The faces of my family were a blurry reminder of what I had once had. It was not as painful anymore.

My resolve was strengthening to finally put an end to my existence. My brown eyed girl still kept me company when my mind wandered to those dark thoughts. Everyday it seemed I would pull out the old weathered stone and rub it gently between my fingers when I was beginning to feel overwhelmed that simple action seemed to give me peace. I spent weeks simply moving from place to place feeding only so as not to become a greater menace. I did all I could not to cause my victims too much suffering. Nothing lessened my anguish at each murder and my time was running out, I could feel my will to survive fading with each kill.

I had not paid much mind to my wanderings, not really knowing where exactly I was headed. I was once again walking down a deserted road and as I saw a sign just up ahead I was surprised to see that I was fifteen miles outside of Philadelphia. It felt right all of a sudden I knew I had been heading this way the whole time, it seemed to be the last piece to my human life. I had not fed in over two weeks and I knew it was only a matter of time but I was determined not to kill here. As I took each step closer to the city I found myself going through what options I had open to me. I wondered if I should head back to Maria, or find a rogue vampire who would be willing to tear me apart and burn away all of my suffering.

As I passed the city limits the skies opened up and I found myself soaked through. It was not uncomfortable but decided that I needed some shelter to dry off my clothes. I looked up to see the fading sign of an old diner and decided I had found what I needed.

I opened the door and stepped through the threshold and I found myself almost completely blinded. With just one glance my existence was forever changed.

Alice

I was on my first cup of coffe when I heard the bell ring. I looked up, disbelief permeating my entire being. He was here! After years of longing and months of waiting in this very spot he was here! I stood up and realized I was shaking, I was nervous and excited and all I wanted to do was touch him. I had stopped breathing and quickly tried to act as 'human' as possible. My instinct was to fly into his arms but I had to be careful not to move to quickly and scare the few people who shared the small space with us. I couldn't help it when my love for him exploded out of me, my need to be near him nearly overwhelmed me as I found myself standing before him. I raised my hand and gently traced the contour of his jaw as I looked up unable to control my need to touch him. Looking into his, deep dark eyes, so black with thirst, I could see he was suffering. I had the sudden urge to envelope him in my arms and was nearly weeping with the relief of having him standing here, in front of me solid. I could finally touch him!

"You've kept me waiting long enough!" I whispered passionately, wonder in my voice at seeing him standing so solid before me.

"I'm sorry ma'am" He responded a look I could not define playing across his features.

I had to keep reminding myself that he did not know me, to tread with care when all I wanted to do was weep in his arms with the relief of finally having him here. Without thought I took his hand walking us out of that place it's purpose in our lives fulfilled. Not willing to let go of my connection to him I led us away in silence away from the diner, from the city, away from any sign of human life. We walked in silence as the darkness got deeper, I led him further into the forest where we could loose ourselves and be together. I had had no visions of what was next and to be honest I was unsure of what he was feeling which confused me. In my visions I could always know what he was feeling and there was now was a blankness that seemed unfamiliar and unsettling. Though his grip was just as strong as my own so it gave me some hope that he was just as unwilling to let me go.

Jasper

I was stunned, left completely speechless. Not even the love that Peter and Charlotte shared could compare to the bright white light of emotion that radiated out of the vision that walked beside me. When I had entered the small diner I had only the intention of drying off, I had been holding my control not wanting to attack anyone with my thirst being so strong. The burn in my throat had quickly been forgotten when she stood before me in all her glory. The moment the door had opened I felt her presence, it was like nothing I had ever experienced before. The emotions radiating from her were staggering. It was the strongest combination of love, desire, impatience, hope and so many other hues swirling together that I had lost count of them all. The miracle of it all was that it was all directed at me.

The light had arced the distance and completely enveloped me. These shared emotions were at the same time calming and exciting. In that moment everything but her slipped into the background of my very being. She was the center of all that was real. She was absolutely exquisite, petite and slender. She wore a shimmery gold strapless dress that looked as if it had been made with only her in mind. The material delicately flowed over her breasts and gathered just underneath before gently flowing out into the skirt that ended just above her knees yet as she moved the material seemed to caress her skin with each step. When she finally stood before me and gently touched my face I was hard pressed not to gather her into my arms and take her there in front of all the humans who seemed oblivious to what was unfolding in their midst.

When she took my hand in hers and lead me out, I was unable to do anything but follow her, unwilling to brake even that, too small, contact. She was the definition of loveliness. She was absolute perfection! Everything about her combined into a woman that absolutely and completely shook me to my very core. My inner suffering was muted almost silent, I felt a peace I had not felt since I had become a vampire. As I held her hand I fought the urge to drag her into my arms and claim her, to show her that she had no escape that she belonged to me and only me. A possessiveness overtook me something that I had never dreamed I was capable of. I held all this inside of me not wanting to frighten her. I kept my breaths even, I stopped myself from speaking words of possession or of my mounting obsession. My life in one instant had been forever altered and I knew that I would never let her go. I basked in the absolute love and devotion that emanated from her. I was willing to walk any distance, suffer anything just to be with her.

I breathed in her scent letting it flow into me memorizing it's perfume. She was leading so I walked slightly behind her and was able to take in her small frame. The mesmerizing sway of her hips and the effortless grace of each step. Her face was burned into my very being I would never forget my first sight of her. She had short silky black hair and golden eyes that seemed to see into the deepest part of me. Her small pert nose and perfect features made me ache to touch and taste each one of them. She had a small willowy body, a tiny waist that flared slightly into enticing hips and legs that I wanted to wrap around myself. I stopped the thought, I did not want to scare her I had to stop my mind from giving into the desires that were brewing just below the surface. I was having an internal battle with my desperate need to claim her, to make her understand that she was forever mine. I clenched my free hand desperate to contain my baser instincts.

As we came into a clearing she finally came to a stop every move she made was graceful and delicate. She turned to face me, looking deeply into my eyes silently calming me as she stepped up on her tiptoes and brushed a kiss on the exposed flesh of my neck before stepping slightly back from me, but not breaking her hold on my hand. Before I could relax the fist that I held she took my clenched hand in her own tiny grasp and brought it to her soft lips. Gently she kissed away the tension that I held there. She continued to look into my eyes and what I saw there humbled me.

How could she feel so strongly about me? Her feelings were deep and mature. The sense of them were aged as if she had developed them over time. I had the strangest feeling that she knew me that she had always been a part of me. Being near her was pure pleasure, waking passions in me that had not existed before she stepped into my life. She pushed me down on my knees before her, the gesture was not of dominance, I could feel a purpose behind what she was doing. Everything she did was coated in her sweet and pure love for me. I stayed there unmoving, wondering at her intentions as she slowly removed my shirt, every movement careful and soft.

I held tightly to my tenuous control desperate not to ruin what she was so anxious to do for me I never broke her gaze staying as still as my shaking body would allow. Despite the frantic energy emanating from her each touch was light and caressing. The feel of her skin touching mine caused me to briefly close my eyes and groan with pleasure. She stopped touching me for a moment and I couldn't stop the growl that escaped my lips as I looked to her face for an explanation. She smiled as she stood before me taking her small hands and tracing the contours of my face with her delicate fingers. I closed my eyes not wanting to let her see the violent emotions that her simple touch awoke in me. I felt the whisper of movement as she leaned into me and kissed my neck. I stopped breathing afraid that I would not be able to control myself if I looked at her or broke my control.

"It's Ok Jasper" she said softly against my lips as she gave me a whisper of a kiss. Not enough! I wanted to shout into the night. I was desperate to pull her against me, to drink deeply from her lips but I held knowing she had some mysterious ritual she wanted to complete.

Overwhelmed with her scent and all the emotions of the bright white light that cocooned us I lost a measure of my control, I gave into the hot need that rushed through me. Kneeling before her I gathered her slight form into my arms burying my face between her breasts. Breathing hard as everything she felt surrounded me caressing me in ways that brought out both my need to protect her and at the same time my need to brand her as mine. I poured my gratitude, my blossoming love, my utter addiction to her as I pulled her face down for a deep kiss. She whimpered as I laid her down on the damp earth moving over her wanting to feel her body against my own. I was trapped in her gaze as I once again took possession of her lips. My body was alive in ways it had never been before. Everything in me was shouting for me to claim her to take her, but a softer part of me a part I did not know had existed tempered those raging needs with the my determination not to scare her. I pulled back, she gave out a small moan that almost undid my resolve.

"Who are you?" I asked my voice deep with my yearning, unable to stop myself from peppering her beautiful face with light kisses.

"mmm" she hummed lightly the sound ringing with the same hunger that was flowing through me. "I've been waiting for you for a very long time!" she sighed huskily. I had reached her neck and continued to kiss and lick my way down the column of her neck.

"What?" Confused I pulled away wanting to look directly into her eyes. "How?"

She sat up quickly making me pull back onto my knees again. I finally began to register how different she was from me. Her scent was clean and floral it lacked the earthier musky smell I had come to associate with our kind. Her eyes were golden a color I had never seen on a vampire before and she was most definitely a vampire. Her pale glowing skin and perfect features were enough evidence to convince me of that. I could not break my contact with her, I had to keep physically connected to her at all times.

Suddenly she pushed me back laying me flat on the gras as she quickly straddled me. Taking me completely by surprise, I had not seen this coming. She seemed so shy and timid before but something had awoken in her and she was certainly taking charge in a more aggressive manner.

"Do you trust me?" she asked in a husky voice that made my body react with a force I that left me wanting.

"Yes!" I all but shouted as my cock strained against her ass practically begging for entrance.

"My name is Alice…" she said with an adoring smile. Her eyes stared deeply into mine and somehow I felt that I knew that, her name seemed so familiar to me, so right. She straightened and quickly slipped her dress over her head throwing it to the side. She was sitting on me naked and glorious, pure female perfection. My mouth filled as I took in the sight of her. From her perfect breasts and tiny waist my gaze wandered down the path to her abdomen I could both feel her wet and ready, just above where my cock strained for a more intimate connection to her. I could see the patch of dark silk that would lead to the part of her I desperately wanted to plunge into.

"I'm your soul-mate" she went on momentarily stopping my lustful thoughts. "We are meant to be together forever." The truth in what she was saying reverberated through my entire body.

She glowed with the sincerity of her words. She was like a bright star brought down just for me. As her words echoed through my mind the only thing that I could grasp was that she was mine! She… Is! Mine! I would not have to give her up. Not that I would but she was mine willingly and that made all the difference. I looked at her and I let loose all I was feeling for her my love, my desire, my possessiveness everything that I had ever wanted to give my fantasy mate. This was the one I had fantasized about but never believed that I could have. She was my salvation, my angel and as I gazed into her eyes I poured out all that I had wished and dreamed of giving her.

She gasped as she took in everything I was feeling. She rolled her hips on me and I had to bite my lip and fist my hands in to the grass to stop myself from flipping her onto her back and sinking deep into her. Just the thought got me harder and I was practically vibrating with the intensity of my need.

"I can see the future" her husky voice continued the sound of it wrapping around me. She bent forward her breasts brushing my chest as she began kissing, licking and nipping her way to my ear. All the while her pelvis was rubbing me in delicious ways. I kept myself still curious to see what she had in mind to do to me. "I've seen your face and our lives together since I woke into this life" she said slowly as she sucked my earlobe, biting gently. Abruptly she sat up on me causing another jolt of pleasure with her movement. I was struggling not to take over, I wanted to touch every part of her to caress and taste every inch of her skin but each time I tried to make a move to do so she would shake her head gently a sad smile playing across her lips.

"Please Jasper, I've waited for you so long" she whispered as she leaned in to kiss my lips gently breaking the contact when I tried to deepen it. "I need to do this… for you… for me" she looked at me quietly, a mixture of a love and awe. I felt every iteration of love and affection and care flowing out of her and it calmed and soothed me yet my desire still burned making it difficult to think too clearly.

There was no shame as I lay there completely vulnerable to her. She leaned forward gently traced each of the scars on my neck and chest. She following each caress with a soft kiss. Taking my hands she pulled me into a sitting position and she slid off of my lap. I growled at that not wanting to loose the intimate contact with her. I suddenly realized that her ministrations were healing I felt peace begin to take hold of the darker places that lived in me as she meticulously paid homage to every scar that marred my skin. She touched and kissed every part of me whispering her love, her absolute devotion to me. At some point she gently removed my trousers, socks and shoes. She was on her knees behind me and I felt her tracing each and every scar that riddled my back ending each again with a gentle kiss. I closed my eyes reveling in the feel of her attention to the evidence of my violent past. She did this to my entire body not allowing one scar to be forgotten, with touch I felt myself torn in half, on one hand I was felt a gentle peace and acceptance and the other I was hot and volatile and desperate to bring her pleasure and then my own.

She was kneeling between my legs as I lay on my back. She bent to kiss the final scar that had lived on my inner thigh for decades, I realized that never in my whole existence did I ever think I would be so grateful for that particular injury. As she bent in to kiss this last of my wounds her hair brushed lightly against my cock and I could take no more. I sat up suddenly which brought her lips in contact with the head of my need. Whith a gasp I felt her tongue caress the tip of my member, causing my whole body to buck with the pleasure of it driving me deeper into her mouth. She licked and sucked with a force that had me shouting her name into the night. She was driving me insane as she took me deeper into her mouth, laving her tongue and creating a delicious suction as she drove me to distraction. I leaned back onto my elbows throwing my head back as I enjoyed the sensations running through my entire body. I was unable to stop her, it felt too damn good! I had never experienced the pleasure rolling through me. Every stroke of her tongue brought me closer to release than anything ever had before. Everything with her was stronger more powerful nothing in either life compared to this.

I felt my release but I held it back wanting to be inside her, needing to feel her body wrapped around me. I pulled her up and kissed her roughly and deeply, rolling her over onto her back I couldn't help but caress her body, promising her in frenzied whispers that the next time would be slower and I would pay more attention to every part of her. I molded and pinching her breasts, as I rubbed our lower bodies together wishing desperately that I were not so close to exploding, wanting to bring her as much pleasure as she was brining me.

I was too close to release and I had to act more quickly than I wanted to. I lay between her spread thighs and gazed into her eyes seeing everything there, myself our lives our commitment, something that had been cemented in the years that I had fought and lived in torment not knowing that she was out there waiting for me. In that moment as I felt the throbbing part of me twitch and harden impossibly more I knew, I would do it all again. I would suffer a thousand times more if it meant I would have her in the end. Just as those emotions poured out of me I slowly pushed into her, she was so tight and wet and ready for me just the feel of her juices coating me almost made me cum. Her body was a perfect fit I savored the tight slick feel of pushing into her.

I moved slowly, wanting her to feel every part of me, needing her to see just what she did to me. She was moaning my name, causing me to almost lose the last shreds of my control. Still, I was determined to help her to find her own pleasure, this would all mean nothing if she did not find her own release with me. I pushed in deeper burying myself inside her completely, claiming her mouth again kissing her with all the passion inside of me.

Cradling her head with one hand I moved my other slipping it between us pinching and rolling her clit with my fingertips. I felt it then, the shudders beginning to course through her body, the hitching of her breath as she suddenly grabbed hold of my shoulders with her tiny hands scratching and desperately trying to get closer to me. I had not moved since sinking deep into her but feeling those tremors course through her peeled away the last of my control. I pumped into her shouting her name, telling her that I could never let her go, growling that she was mine till the end of time.

She screamed my name and her love for me promising me in turn that she would never leave me that we were meant to be together. Then staring into her eyes we exploded together our bodies bucking in tandem as we let go, the sensations so powerful they overtook me as I continued to slam into her feeling every part of her stretch welcoming me home.

Alice

I saw stars, I did not want to move. I never in all of my fantasies, there had been many, even come close to what this reality was. He was everything, my fears that he would doubt me that he would turn me away had always been there in the periphery. My visions were not always right so many variables could change an outcome. I had known that eventually we would be together but I had always been a little afraid that it would take time to convince him that we were meant to be. He was laying on top of me his body still intimately connected to mine and brazenly I wanted more. I had tasted him and shuddered at the pleasure that had given me. I moved my hips slowly hoping to awaken more of his passion and felt him harden again, he moved as if to get off of me and I growled.

"Don't leave me!" I demanded, unable to control my response to his movement.

"I wouldn't think of it little lady" He chuckled. "I just don't want to crush you" he whispered into my ear, kissing my neck gently. "I have a strong need to worship you right now" he continued as he kissed, licked and nipped his way across my jaw to my mouth. "I don't think we'll be leaving this place anytime soon… love"

He was looking me in the eyes as he said the last. Love and adoration radiating from him as he held my gaze.

"I love you!" I cried brokenly, before I could stop myself. I took his head in my hands and pulled him down for a kiss. It was deep and passionate, our tongue's dueled, we tasted each other and as we got lost in the sensations created by the flavor of one another our hands began desperately trying to touch and feel. Jasper broke away with a growl and sank back in order to have better access to my breasts. He proceeded to kneed and massage them before dipping down and licking each tip, seeming unable to decide on which one to concentrate on first. He sucked my right tit hard and I felt him harden more inside of me. I rolled my hips wanting to pull him in deeper. I heard his sharp intake of breath as he stilled.

"Darlin, I want to go slower this time" he spoke slowly his voice strained. "Your movements may cause me to forget that I need to taste every part of you before I take you to the stars again." He was smiling his face radiant with absolute joy as he looked back down.

"Jasper…" I looked at him. I gently moved a strand of his hair and tucked it behind his ear. "Your mine now!" I stated emphatically. "I won't share you" I looked into his eyes wanting him to understand what I was saying.

"Neither will I" He growled huskily as he pulled out slowly then pushed into me with the same measured pace. I could not control my moan of pleasure at the feel of him sliding tightly into me. "I will never give you up!" He was looking at me as he sped up slamming down into me, I poured out my need feeding both our desires. "You are mine!" He continued in his deep growl. "Say it!" he demanded.

"I'm yours!" I cried out to him. "I'm completely and utterly yours". I continued meeting each thrust needing to get closer. "Take me harder Jasper! Please I need to get closer to you" The need to have him bury himself deeper into me was excruciating. "I'm not close enough" I whispered brokenly, liquid heat was rolling through me, my body shuddered with the intense need to be closer still to this man. My man!

"Oh, darlin' I can't stop now" he breathed harshly as he kneaded my breasts roughly and pumped himself into me again and again. "What do you do to me?" He looked at me confusion in his eyes.

"I need to be on top!" I all but shouted at him. In a movement so fast I was lost for a moment I found myself in my desired position still connected and then I began undulating as I slammed down onto him. Needing desperately to hit just the right spot inside of me with all of him. I could hear his short breaths and the curses that he tried to shout.

"Alice, Fuck your going to kill me!" He was chocking out. His hands were everywhere, kneading my breasts moving lower to touch me in just the right place that had me practically screaming his name.

"Say my name Alice!" He growled at me as if reading my mind.

"Jasper!" I screamed "Ohhhhh… Ohhhh" I moaned out.

"Say my name Alice!" He growled at me looking into my eyes, the feel of his possession rolled through me.

"Jasper!" I screamed as I continued to undulated and crash down onto him. I was using all my strength to bring him in as deeply as was possible. Just then he touched me right in that magic spot as I came down on him and everything exploded into white light.

Jasper

We have been unable to keep our hands off of each other. Even as the sun rose we continued our mutual worship. I knew the touch and taste of every part of her body. I had learned what made her whimper with need and what had her screaming my name. I would never get enough of her, she was absolutely perfect. Everything about her called to me. We had been so busy loving one another we had not really talked. As much as I wanted to continue with our current state of affairs I could feel her need to talk. I found that I wanted to give her whatever she wanted even if it meant having to hold my own needs at bay.

"Alice?" I called her name as a question. "How did you find me? How did you even know about me?" My own curiosity coming out.

"It's a long story…" she responded a smile in her voice.

"Well, darlin' since I'm never leaving your side I suggest you get started. I laughed easily, I had never felt this free. I knew my thirst was there , I could feel it's burn in my throat but this woman was so much stronger than it.

"Well…" she started moving away from me. I growled and pulled her back to me. "Jasper! I was just going to get dressed." She laughed. "We seem to get distracted easily when we're naked"

"Not just then" I told her looking her in the eyes. "It took all my strength not to take you in that diner in front of all those humans" I finished my need for her rising up again.

"Oh no! Oh no…" she cried putting her hand out as if to stop me. "Jasper! Stop right there! As much as I want to keep going we do need to talk…" She looked so cute sitting there naked in the grass trying to stop me from jumping her again.

I felt my body protest but I jumped up to my feet and quickly donned my trousers. I knew we would end up naked soon so refused to put anything else on. She quickly slipped the dress over her head giving me one last glimpse of her glorious body before settling back down on the ground. I sat in front of her reaching for her hands. I could not loose contact with her, it kept me calm and grounded. She smiled up at me as if she understood the importance of my need to touch her. The thought of touching her elicited a myriad of other more intimate touching and tasting.

Suddenly I heard her moan my name before she launched herself at me. I hadn't realized I was projecting so strongly. I was on my back and she was undoing my trousers she didn't even bother to remove her dress before I felt myself inside her and I bit back the growl as she moved like something out of my most erotic fantasies. I needed to feel her skin against mine and quickly ripped her dress away. Not wanting to loose our connection I left the trousers, I poured all my desire for her out of me and felt her quicken she slammed down on me again and again making my cock harden and my balls tighten. I swore, she was moving in such a way that was undoing all of my control making me cum to quickly, just being inside her was a sweet torture. I knew she was not close so despite the pain of the separation I unsheathed myself and laid her down on the soft ground. She hissed at me her eyes were wild with passion and I bent lower, needing to taste her. I felt her hands dig through my hair as I took my first lick of her folds, it was like nectar. I had never tasted anything so sweet, I bit her clit lightly before licking and sucking my way to her core. I was lost in my desperate enjoyment before I realized she was screaming my name. I rose up above her holding her gaze as I once again plunged into her wanting to watch her as she came undone in my arms. She was beauty as her body exploded with the power of her orgasm, her sheath clutched me tightly wringing out my own release.

"Good Lord Jasper! That's eight times already!" She gasped as the tremors in her body faded. "We have got to stop!" She looked at me half jokingly.

"Never!" I told her taking her face between my hands and gently kissing her. "but… we do need to talk, I will do what I can to keep from…." I could not find the words.

"Attacking me again?" Alice whispered laughter in her voice.

"Well… technically darlin'" I looked at her meaningfully. "That one was all you…" I couldn't help but smile.

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><p><strong>So my dear readers what did you think?<strong>

**What do you think of Jaspers reaction to Alice?**

**How do you think Alice did?**

**Let me know by giving me a revue :) it would be much appreciated and help spur the next chapter much more quickly.**


	8. Chapter 8 New Life

**UPDATED: 11/3/11**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not ownTwilight or any of it's characters**

**AUTORS NOTE: Reviews would be so welcome, it's always good to hear some communication from those who read my work. So please take a moment to give me an idea of your impression of the story so far…**

**INSPIRATION: Jasper has had a hard life as a vampire and I wantedto explore what his journey with Alice was like in changing his 'lifestyle'**

**WARNING: A hint of lemons**

**COMINGNEXT:ForgottenPlaces – Jasper and Alice explore some mysterious places before going to find the Cullens.**

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><p><strong>New Life<strong>

**Jasper**

The relentless pain of my existence was over. Though the memories of what I had wrought, on this world, still lived in me. Alice made all the difference her presence made it all endurable. She was my perfect match in every way, her spirit soothed me like nothing ever had before, her body called to me so strongly it left me humbled.

Everything about her was absolutely perfect, I was filled with the need to protect her and at the same time totally possess her. In the two weeks since I first laid eyes on her we had proved insatiable. It was impossible to stop from touching and tasting each other for more that just brief moments. Several times we had made the attempt but one of us would explode with passion and we would immediately seek each others arms.

Every emotion that poured out of her filled me with a potent mixture of lust, love and most healing her acceptance. Though I doubted she truly understood the evil that lived in me. I was constantly overwhelmed with thoughts of losing her. My wayward mind created disturbing scenarios that kept putting me on alert. These relentless thoughts filled my imagination with the fear of someone more deserving taking her from me. I was not good enough for her, I was very aware of this. She should have so much more than what I could give her. There was a small part of me that wanted someone better for her, a very small part. In this moment I could not fathom freeing her could not contemplate speaking any words that would send her from my side. Her absence from my life would destroy me, there would be no surviving that.

We had willingly indulged in a world of sensual pleasure. Nothing short of my now raging thirst could have distracted me. I beat back my frustration at my weakness. Once again this hunger was stronger than my will forcing me to leave her. It would only be a short while but I could not fathom leaving her side for even seconds let alone a few hours.

I knew I had to feed soon I was becoming too aggressive and seriously feared hurting her. As I took in the vision that lay beside me I realized that this was the first time since we had first come together that we had been able to pull away for any length of time.

"Alice…" I whispered ignoring the temptation to run my fingers down her spine. She lay beside me looking at me with so much love I felt it's physical touch down in the deepest parts of me. She was on her stomach her arms crossed under her head, her face turned towards me as she hid her breasts and secret places from me. It didn't help, my desire for her was greedy and the gentle slope of her back and legs was more than enough to ignite my passions. I wondered with a smile if it would always be this way, this overpowering desire I have for her, a mere touch set me on fire.

She was a healing fountain of crystal clear emotions, a perfect harmony of delicate hues that coalesced into a bright white light that touched every part of my being. I felt myself relaxed in a way I had never experienced in this life. I was now understood something about love. Love was a combination of emotions that mixed together into something so powerful it was almost blinding.

Not once had she ever felt a touch of uncertainty, her absolute belief in our shared destiny could not help but feed the hope growing inside of me. My desire for her was stronger than anything I had ever felt second only to my thirst for human blood. Her presence had not only made my existence bearable but I had killed any desire to destroy myself. Every part of me was unwilling to part from her.

"We need to feed" I told her calmly her own eyes had grown darker with each passing day.

"Oh, Jasper!" she smiled sweetly her calm washing over me with her steady gaze. "There is so much I need to tell you!" she made a move as if to sit up but quickly changed her mind. "Ok mister, I need your shirt!" her voice was playful.

"Alice!" I growled immediately hating the idea of losing my view of her naked body. "I don't think so" I leaned in to kiss her only to have her pull away with a soft giggle.

"Jasper Whitlock!" She chided rising up slowly covering her breasts with one arm as she held out the other to stop my advances. "Please! We really need to talk…" her eyes begged me and with a shake of my head I reluctantly handed her my shirt. She slipped it on and buttoned it quickly before taking my hand and pulling us both back down to the ground. We laid down facing each other, gazing into each others eyes.

I propped my head with one arm as I placed my hand on her hip, not caressing her that would be too much, just needing to touch her. She had become my everything and I would do anything for her... to her. I stopped the thought. Using what little control I could muster I moved my thoughts away from my intimate wanderings. I knew that she really wanted us to talk. I held in my need inside of me promising myself that soon I would indulge in all the fantasies trying to break to the surface.

**Alice**

Jasper in reality was beyond anything my visions had ever shown me. Everything he felt for me would wrap itself around me making it feel like he had intimately touched me on every part of my body. The combination of his emotions and his actual touch was mind blowing. It was a perfect mixture of excitement, faith and love. Each feeling so strong they intensified my need to touch him... to taste him. I closed my eyes carefully, tamping down the desire that was shooting through me. I did not want to start it all over again, well I did but we really needed to talk. I strongly reminding myself that this was too important to put off any longer. We needed to talk about some specifics about life together, instinctively I knew that this conversation was going to be difficult.

"Love…" I whispered softly trapped in his unwavering gaze. I lifted my hand to his cheek. "Our lives are going to be very different from what you have known." I closed my eyes briefly at the sudden pain of not having been able to be there for him, it stunned me with the intensity.

He slid his hand up from my hip over my shoulder finally placing it over my own. Kissing my palm he wordlessly comforted me. His love washed over me as I felt his tongue delicately trace the lines on my palm. "There is so much more out there waiting for us. Finding each other is only our first step…" I paused wishing that any one of the hundreds of rehearsed speeches I had formulated over the years would fit into this moment yet nothing seemed to fit.

"We have a family out there, and they need us... we need them…" I wasn't sure how to explain it the right way. He was so used to a different kind of life that what I was going to be offering him, some of my doubts and insecurities almost overwhelmed me. How could I tell him about our brothers and sister, our mother and father out there unknowingly waiting for us to complete their family.

I cursed the indecision that made my visions weak and hazy. I breathed him in deciding to start with what I knew he would find the most difficult.

"We don't hunt humans..." my voice coming out as a whisper. "We live off of the blood of animals." I looked beyond him unable to meet his gaze, worried of his reaction.

He went absolutely still, his hand dropping its hold on mine and falling between us. He was absolutely silent not even breathing as he took in what I had just said. I looked up finding myself uneasy with his silence, feeling nothing coming from him. My eyes searched his face finding his gaze quickly a sad smile playing across his lips. Lifting his hand he caressing my face slowly, tracing the contours of my brow and cheek before slowly tracing my lips his eyes following the his fingers as the moved across my face.

"Darlin'…" he spoke his voice low and husky with worry. "I'm not sure that… that I can…" he pulled his hand away looking down. Shame pouring out of him flooding our small clearing. He rolled onto his back and looked up into the night sky. "I don't deserve you!" He choked out as he closed his eyes, his arms rigid by his side.

"I've tried for so long... I've tried... but... I can't... I haven't been able to control... my thirst is stronger than… It's stronger than me!" He covered his face with both hands as if trying to erase the images that lived inside of him. "I have never been able to control... every time... so much worse!" he slid his hands down his face before turning to look at me. "I've done.. I've... so many... destroyed so many..." closing his eyes again, he suddenly opened them as he brought a hand to my cheek, cupping my face a look of apology crossing his beautiful features. "It will always control me..." He finished slowly his voice a soft whisper pain lacing each and every word.

"Jasper!" I exclaimed, an unexpected anger filling me. He seemed unwilling to even try this new life. How could he not see that he was not alone, that I was with him every single step of the way. Out of all the reactions I had been anticipating this was one I had not even fathomed. I sat up quickly all thoughts of intimacy were wiped away… well almost all. "Jasper, look at me" I almost screamed. "Jasper! You look at me right now!" my irritation weaving its way into my tone.

He looked up somewhat startled at the fury he sensed and heard emanating from me. Quickly he sat up reaching form me then wrapping his arms around me holding me close as he laid his head on my shoulder.

"Alice! Don't... You can't leave me!" his voice wild and desperate. "I will not let you leave me!" his voice lowing to a fervent murmur in my ear, anxiety coloring his words. "I can't… I don't…. I don't have it in me to let you go sweetheart..." He pulled back and cupped my face in his hands as his eyes begged for me to look at him. "From the moment I saw you... felt you... loved you... It's was to late… much to late to let you go free." He tilted his face closer moving his lips close to mine breathing in deeply before kissing me. This kiss spoke of his possession, branding me in a way I had only dreamed of.

I tried to pull away needing him understand that I was not leaving him, could never leave him. He responded by deepening our kiss refusing to let me go. Without words he showed that I belonged to him. I couldn't help but respond. I fed him my devotion. I let him feel my own possessiveness. I freed my unwavering faith in what I knew we would someday be together. I shared all the things that had grown in me over the years before slowly pulling away to catch his eyes with my own.

"Jasper" my voice low and commanding. "Jasper, I will never leave you!" I cradled his face in my hands softly tracing his features with my thumbs. "There is nothing! Absolutely nothing that could ever make me leave your side" I smiled into his eyes. "You will never be alone again!" My was voice filled with confidence.

I closed my eyes as I rested my forehead on his "All I ask..." my voice barely there as I whispered to him. "What I need… What I need from you is your commitment to this. That you never give up!" I pulled back to look at him. "No matter what you will stay with me and fight for this life that I want for us." I could feel my sadness slipping from me pouring out of me as I held him close.

"Alice?" He whispered as he gently ran both hands through my hair letting loose a deep sigh. "How could I not? Of course I will try… I give you my word!" he pulled forward leaning our foreheads together once again. "I would do anything for you…" He paused as if looking for the right words.

"I just need... I need you to understand… to know that…" He pulled back slowly once again looking deeply into my eyes, his own blazing with the strength of what he was about to say. "I'm a selfish bastard..." his voice hard. "This life you want… this life you need is going to be a struggle…" he shook his head sensing my need to speak.

"Alice! Please! Let me finish... It will be… I have lived a very different life than you" he took in a deep breath as he continued. "As much as I hate the killing that comes with my... with my hunger… You really need to understand, you need to recognize that despite all of the torment that comes with feeding…" he shook his head as if trying to rid his mind of those dark desires. "The taste of human blood is more powerful than anything! I have never been able to master this need in me." He had shifted dropping his hands and leaning away from me his hands clenched into fists by his side. I could feel the shame that coursed through him.

"Baby, I'm never leaving you!" I smiled suddenly remembering something from a long ago vision. "You need to know, YOU need to understand and recognize that I love you" I cradled his face and brought his lips to mine gently kissing him.

"I love you more than any mistake or failure that we will have to face." I sighed letting my commitment to him flow out of me. "Oh, Jasper! You are mine, from the moment I saw you in my vision we were forever connected, when you suffer so do I" I continued kissing each side of his mouth. "How can you not see what we are? How can you not see that my love my loyalty is permanent? You are the center of my everything!" He looked at me hope in his eyes. He felt it, I knew he finally understood. I was holding nothing back as I poured out all my years of yearning for him.

"Alice?" he called me in a chocked whisper. "I…" he kissed me then, not a passionate kiss but a sweet, soft kiss that held all the hope I had for us and our lives together. He gently took his hand and placed it on the back of my neck as he pulled me closer feeding me his own fragile hope.

**Jasper**

I was overwhelmed there was no more doubt in me, no more fear that she would someday run from me screaming. She saw me! She saw me and knew what I was and still she lay beside me loving me. Each emotion pouring from her showed me that she saw the real me she came to me with eyes wide open and she refused to leave my side.

Knowing what I was, knowing what I was capable she pushed her sadness aside letting me know without words that she was no more able to leave my side than I was hers. In that moment the realization hit me. This feeling was stronger than my thirst stronger than anything in my entire existence. She would never leave me! I had felt it before but now there was conviction behind the thought. All doubt had been washed away by the onslaught of all that she felt for me.

"So… I guess your going to have to teach me how to… hunt…" I responded trying my best to show some enthusiasm for the coming experience.

She looked at me a question in her eyes before smiling at me. She stood up my shirt barely reaching her mid thigh. I quickly centered my thoughts on the task at hand, determined to show her that I was committed to this new life with her.

"Ok… so, first you need to learn to hunt 'vegetarian' style" she laughed nervously a grin playing across her lips as she emphasizing the word vegetarian. In less than a second she wheeled around and ran joy exploding out of her as she leapt forward. Quickly I gained on her even now I was unable to be to far from her. I had to admit my own curiosity and I truly hoped that I could be what she needed me to be. Though I knew we were now one, I couldn't help but worry about the times ahead that I was certain would bring her disappointment. I was weak and eventually that would hurt her… For now I concentrated on the hope on her absolute faith in the life we had waiting for us.

We ran a short distance before I smelled them. A heard of deer were about half a mile west of us. Thinking to impress her I made a move to follow the acrid scent.

"No, Jasper…" she whispered, "you need a carnivore. Your transition is going to be difficult enough without starting with the least appetizing of our menu choices." She was smiling as she said this, I could feel her sheer determination to make this transition as painless as possible.

"You're the boss!" A answered her with my own smile. I took her hand as I ran on looking for a richer scent to cross our path.

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><p><strong>Two Months Later<strong>

**Alice**

I was devastated; I felt a complete and utter failure. My heart screamed with my love for him amidst all the pain! All my efforts had proved useless. He was growing more and more frustrated and he refused to allow me to help. My heart was breaking he was not far from me but we might as well have been in different states.

The last eight weeks had been a succession of failures, he fed but he hated it, finding no satisfaction in the blood he consumed. Every attempt to adjust to his new diet was dividing us and the toll it was taking on us both was evident in the distance we now put between us. His eyes had already lost the bright red tint though they were still nowhere near my own amber.

He's been closing himself of to me by degrees and though I know it's to spare me his emotional distance hurts me nonetheless. His growing irritation with what he considers his weaknesses have turned him sullen and cold. He refuses to even touch me nor will he allow me to touch him. This has been happening for the last ten days.

I can't help it as I drop my head into my hands temporarily giving into the misery that I'm feeling. I know we will move past this but in this very moment I can't help but drown in the agony of his pain.

He will not look me in the eye and I'm at a loss as to how to help him. To make matters worse I'm caught in a cycle of indecision making it impossible to choose a course of action, any action, to help get us past this moment. I look up again seeing him on the other side of our clearing, his back to me. His shoulders held stiffly his arms clenched by his side. Locking everything inside and not allowing me to share, to help with what he is suffering. I know he hates the taste of our new food. I know he secretly longs for the fulfillment that only human blood can bring and that very desire is what keeps him locked in his despair.

"Jasper" I whisper his name, filling it with all the longing inside of me. This physical separation from him has become too painful to bear. "I love you, I miss you! Please…" I can't help the pain that weaves itself into each word.

Without a sound he tenses and then holds himself still again, not answering me. It hurts me that he will not even turn to look at me. Abruptly I'm flooded with his pain, with his fear that his weakness would end up destroying me. I understand the root of his grief, he knew that I could not stomach the death of a human, he was still agonizing over the inevitable mistakes that he was so close to making and what it would ultimately do to me. Suddenly as if fate felt the need to illustrate the point our meadow was suddenly flooded with the scent of humans coming near. Before I could even react he was gone and I knew as I looked into the future that I would be too late. It did not stop me from following him. It did not stop the sobs that broke through in waves over my body. But as Carlisle had told me so long ago it did not change how I felt about him. In this moment I understood the depth of what he felt for us. I loved Jasper, I loved him more than myself, I loved him more than any mistake he could ever make. I would always stand by him and nothing could ever change that fate. I gathered my grief and sadness; I pulled it into me and flooded myself with the faith I had lived with for almost thirty-years as I ran faster towards the man that was my future.

**Jasper**

I felt her grief, and it ripped at me. I was filled with animal blood but still felt starved, there was no satisfaction. I was weak with holding all my emotions in and trying desperately not to give in to the need to touch her knowing that if I broke down and did so I could not hold back the vicious emotions running through me. My body was filled but not fulfilled, I was angry not at her but myself, had I really thought my love for her was stronger. Here I stood so far from her, hurting her with every action as I failed to tame the beast within me. I was like an addict unable to turn off the memories of the taste and pleasure of consuming human blood. Every time I closed my eyes I would remember the absolute gratification that I felt as it passed from my victims and into my body.

I knew that if I could not learn to control this part of me I would kill her. I knew that she would never leave me where before it had brought me comfort now it brought me nothing but agony. As much as loosing her would destroy me, the thought of killing her slowly with my shortcomings was becoming its own hell. She was calling me, weakening my resolve to stay away from her and for a moment I couldn't hold myself in any longer and my emotions burst out of me and surrounded us both. I heard her gasp, I heard her take it in and release it back to me with her unwavering compassion. She could never leave me and I realized in that moment that this was a different kind of torment because I held the one person I found most precious prisoner. I was just as unable to let her go now as in the beginning but in doing so I was tearing her apart with my own selfishness.

I felt the change in the wind and my demon took over, I was powerless as he lunged for the prey it desired so desperately. Even knowing the love of my life lay in the opposite direction of where I ran I could not stop myself. I heard the sound of hikers and as I descended upon them I felt myself ripped apart once again as I indulged in the feast before me.

**Alice**

I found him on the path before me sitting back on his knees sobs shaking his body. Not a drop of blood to show for the massacre that surrounded him. I stood there unable to understand where I had failed. It was a family, a man of at least sixty years and his wife and three grown children, the features all so similar that it announced their relationship. I had thought I would be enough, that my love for him would be what would help temper the call of their blood. I fell to my hands and knees as I cried out wracking sobs breaking the stillness of my body. I crawled forward my misery consuming me as I made my way into his arms refusing to allow him to turn me away.

His embrace was fierce as he sobbed into my hair. I felt nothing coming from him other than the shaking of his body as he physically showed me his pain. He was holding all he was feeling tightly inside of himself. We cried together for hours as the sun made its final descent. Slowly I looked up and took his face in my hands looking him straight in the eye.

"I. Will. Always. Love! You! More!" My voice was firm and strong I was unwavering as I gazed into his eyes. Intertwined with my grief at the death that surrounded us was my unchanging love for him and in that love was the hope of the peace we would someday find.

His eyes widened before he hugged me to him more tightly. I moved my hands into his hair as I held onto him just as fiercely. I poured out everything I felt for him, everything I had always and would always feel for him. I had no regrets about being with him. I did feel the sadness at the reality of just how difficult this journey would be for us. I had come to terms with this long before I had met him, and I knew no circumstance would ever move me from his side willingly. I let him know this as I held him close whispering my love to him.

By silent agreement we stood and buried the dead before moving from that place. As we approached our clearing I resolved what needed to be said and for the first time in over two months my vision was clear. As we passed to our favorite spot I turned to him and holding both his hands I looked up determined to have my say.

"Jasper…" I whispered determination-giving strength to my words. "I am yours, wholly and completely." I had to pause, trying to rein in my hurt before continuing. "You wound me by shutting me out and not sharing what you feel with me." My voice stuttered at the remembered pain of our separation. "You need to let me in, to let me be with you at every step of this journey together. I need to be your equal partner…" I looked down at our linked hands before continuing. "Or… you will slowly kill me by shutting me out…" I finished and looked up at him letting him know with all that I was that I was with him every step of this journey.

It started slowly as I had looked back up, the feelings washing out of him and surrounding us. I felt his grief, his humiliation, all the pain that was a part of who he was. I felt his overwhelming need for me, not just for the sexual fulfillment we found in each other's arms but his need for me to belong to him body and soul. I felt his possessiveness his unwillingness to let me go no matter how much he felt he hurt me. That alone was overflowing with even more searing hurt and mortification.

He suddenly let loose all the love that he had saved up for me. In his quiet moments he had wished for me, had conjured a fantasy of what he would give me if he ever found me, thoughts that had danced in the edge's of his mind way before he had even known I existed. I took it all in and sent him back everything I had, all my love, my awe and respect, my need for him emotionally and physically. I closed my eyes as I recalled every moment of my time waiting for the day that I could be in his arms. I shared each individual moment every thought of him, wanting him, crying for him, my sadness at not being able to stand beside him in his darkest hours. My impatience at being with him if only to hold his hand and comfort him. I showed him that I just needed him, I needed the man he was and anything that came with him was worth the price of being his.

I felt his lips softly kiss my own and I opened my eyes and his emotions began to transform as my own overwhelmed his and something inside us both moved closer and fused together. Our kiss deepened becoming more a dance of tongues as we breathed each other in. My arms reached up and wove around his neck and into his hair as I pulled him down needing him closer. I was exploding with the joy of being in his arms, of finally having him as a real and tangible part of my life. I felt his arms around me as our kiss deepened and the night gave way to first light, the gentle rays of the sun sparkled its way across our skin and I sighed. I would pray for the dead and I would never forget but I had set my course long ago and it was forward with him by my side. I suddenly heard an unfamiliar voice whisper in my mind. "This life is a burden and a sacrifice..." and as I registered the words I could not help but agree. As I felt our kiss become more I accepted it the sacrifice, I accepted the unfairness that went hand in hand with this life then I filled myself with only hope for our future determined to do the best refusing to give in to dispair.


	9. Chapter 9 Forgotten Places

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight or any of it's characters**

**Hello my fellow Twilighters, I've done some clean up, and this is it i'm moving on the next two chapters. Hope you enjoy, please let me know your thoughts, any changes you feel should be made. Spelling and grammer are not my strong suit and I welcome any critical review that will help improve this story.**

**INSPIRATION: I wanted to put some closure to the past, to help fathom what would bring them closer together. I may revisit this chapter, it feels somewhat unfinished to me.**

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><p>Forgotten Places<p>

Jasper

In the last six months, as if by unspoken agreement we kept to the remotest parts of North America and were steadily making our way south. I knew this complete separation from the human world was difficult for Alice. She had grown used to interacting with humans and I could feel that she was worried that she would have to repeat the process of acclimating to them. She had told me how hard it had been for her and I felt a wrenching guilt at having to make her suffer through that experience again. Lately I've caught her falling into pensive moods with an alarming regularity and though I truly want to know the exact reason behind her quite distance I was confident that she would tell me when she was ready.

We only traveled when we were certain that we would go unnoticed always careful to stay as far away from any humans as possible. I enjoyed when we traveled during the day, it allowed me to look upon her radiant skin in the sunlight, as always she was stunning. More often than not we would find ourselves running hand in hand through whatever terrain we were passing, sometimes making a game of finding the best prey and trying to outdo one another. It felt as if she had always been there with me, the horrors of my past becoming distant memories, they were now a dull and bearable pain.

My body had grown accustomed to the hum that ran through it whenever Alice was near. Pure liquid pleasure traveled through me filling my empty spaces with her essence.

As difficult as I was finding this new lifestyle I cherished every moment. I was grateful for each opportunity to get know this amazing woman. She was sweet and loving and completely devoted to me yet still managed to challenge me at every turn. She took great pains to see to my comfort absolutely firm on making this time as painless for me as possible. She was not always successful but despite every failure she stood by me consoling and loving me till I was strong enough to walk away from my disgrace.

I was more and more aware of an unfamiliar joy that had begun to fill me taking root in my heart and soul. She brought new dimensions to my life, moments of frivolity and fun. We spent countless hours indulging in erotic pleasures that I had not even dreamed of. She made me feel liberated when sharing in childish games of hide and seek and even tag, twenty questions which most of the time she shouted the answers for me before I had even opened my mouth. She reintroduced me to the pleasures of simple games of fun of how incredible allowing myself to simple by in the moment.

I was still dangerous; my transition to this life was quickly becoming my greatest challenge. It was difficult to wholly embrace this new diet I couldn't help but find the taste of animal blood a poor alternative, but for her I was willing to continue the struggle.

An unintentional whiff of her scent or an unguarded glance in her direction still left me trembling with my physical need for her. We were better able to direct our passions now, mostly due to my gift. Every day our need for one another grew stronger but my gift allowed us to explore our love in an entirely unique way.

Over time we found that my ability allowed us to indulge in a less physical outlet for our passion. I could envelope us both with the pure emotions that poured out of us. The experience was deeply erotic and wholly satisfying. With a simple touch we could share what we felt and wanted from one another, the best description would be that each emotion converted into an invisible caress that touched our bodies and minds in indescribably sensual ways. There were times where we just sat gazing into each others eyes sharing all that we felt for one another only needing small touches to feel even more of the power of what surrounded us. With each passing day my addiction to her grew and I was finding my world now revolved completely around her.

We had only one significant argument and that was just outside of Albuquerque, NM it lasted three days. Arguing with Alice was frustrating; she always answered my concerns before they were even voiced. She refused to see my point of view, determined to have her way but just as determined to keep me away from temptation. As much as she loved me and was mine, she also had an independent nature borne out of the years she had to endure as she made her way to me. I hated that I had not been there to protect her to have had those years to know her.

Despite every argument I could think up she was unwavering in her resolve to go into town by herself. Declaring that she 'just had to retrieve some important 'supplies'. Things I felt were completely unnecessary. What did we as vampires need from the human world outside of the obvious?

I tried to wrap my mind around the fact that Alice had learned to live with certain creature comforts and I really tried to come to terms with the fact that she refused to give them up. Trying to and actually doing were worlds apart for me in this instance. It frustrated me to no end that she was being so stubborn about this. She was adamant about retrieving some clothes and miscellaneous items and I had been too mystified to pay any attention to the reasons as to why this was so important to her. I was lost in my own thoughts ignoring everything after she had stated "I need some clothes and so do you…" I was unwilling to see how any human contrivance could be worth the risk to her safety.

One thing I had become very aware of was that Alice did not like to wear anything that had a hint of wear and all beware if it got soiled, which with our explosive passions happened quite often. I was often uncaring of what state I left our clothes in. She had stashes of supplies for both of us throughout the country and yet in this instance she was determined to go into a city! On her own! To retrieve yet another set of clothes, everything so far had been hidden in places well away from any humans. I just couldn't understand why this was so important to her.

Her stubborn determination made me realize that something about these particular 'supplies' had to be different. I refused to even contemplate the idea of her going on her own. I wasn't worried about the humans I had rolled my eyes at that argument. I was worried about our own kind they represented a serious threat and I refused to let her out of my site and into possible danger. She was my life now! I would not tolerate even a hint of risk, and having her away from me constituted a very big one. I had to grit my teeth to hold back my biting remarks at how absurd I found her insistence.

Our disagreement ended abruptly at the end of the third day. I finally just grabbed her and kissed her with all my pent up fear and worry.

"The danger is real to me!" I broke the kiss and growled into her neck, raggedly breathing her in. She slid her slender arms up my arms and into my hair as she closed her eyes and leaned into my embrace.

"Ok…" she whispered simply and stepped back weaving her fingers through my own as she led us towards the city.

It had been absolute torture but I had managed to follow her and not attack any of the humans nearby, focusing only on keeping her safe and getting in and out as quickly as possible. We walked in the deepest shadows through the worst part of town heading towards an abandoned building. She owned the building she casually informed me. She mumbled distractedly about how someday in the far future this piece of land was going to be worth a lot of money she had made many such investments over the years. Having lived in a world that had no need of any currency the idea that she could be wealthy did not phase me as I imagined it would have had I still been human.

We quickly proceeded up to the top floor where we found what she had been so determined to retrieve. She had two backpacks filled with clothes and identification. The identification threw me, how in the world had she gotten a picture of me? As I looked closer I realized she had drawn it, human eyes would have been unable to detect what was almost to subtle for my own eyes but she had taken my features and reproduced them here and I was once again amazed with the confirmation of her patience and preparation for me. She held up a large suitcase and I looked at her puzzled.

"I kept journals of my time waiting for you…" she looked embarrassed as she dropped my gaze and looked around the dusty room. "It's something… I wanted to… I don't know it seems silly now…" her voice hitched as she continued. "I want to share my time without you... with you..." She brought her gaze back to me and I could feel her uncertainty as she unconsciously shifted her feet. She was so good at passing for human, I realized then, it was much more than just the ability to fight the call of human blood but also the skill to appear human with all the habits and idiosyncrasies that came with the role.

I walked towards her my pack already secured to my back. Her head was bowed as her beautiful hair glimmered in the moonlight. I was once again filled with awe at the beauty that belonged to me.

"Darlin?" I reached and took her chin with my hand looking her in they eye as I gently tipped her face up towards mine. I smiled and let her feel my deep curiosity and excitement at what I would find written on those pages. "I'm honored and lookin' forward to sharing this with you" I bent down and kissed her softly before taking the case from her and linking our fingers together as we headed out of the building and away from civilization once again.

We stopped when we found ourselves well away from the human world. Finding another quiet clearing. This place was fragrant with sweet smelling flowers the cool air rustled the leaves and grass around us. The clearing was much smaller than our first secret place the terrain and trees so very different but I felt it was the right place to stop and read about her life waiting for me.

"Jasper, I need you to close your eyes so that I can change and not worry about you attacking me!" She giggled as she moved her fingertips over my eyes. I closed them with her gesture but inhaled deeply as her wrist passed over my face. I heard the rustling of clothes and realized my imagination was drawing a picture for me of what she was doing and what it looked like. I groaned as the images played in my mind, seeing her bend over to slip into a pair of trousers, I clenched my fists as it progressed to her beautiful breasts as they were kissed by moonlight. I pictured the slope of her waist as it curved into her hip and her hands as they smoothed the fabric over her body.

"Alice!" I croaked as I fought the urge to open my eyes. "Babe, you need to hurry!"

"All done" she whispered only centimeters from my face. I opened my eyes to see her standing before me in a pair of sturdy blue trousers and what appeared to be a button down shirt made of a light airy material that shimmered in the dull light. She was feminine and delicate all things desirable.

"What are you wearing?" I whispered into her mouth as I gently kissed her lips.

"Their called blue-jeans" she laughed lightly. "They've been around forever!" she looked at me as not able to understand how I could look so confused.

"Darlin, I've been around for a long time and I don't remember these " I stated frankly as I appreciated how the material hugged her gentle curves and left my mind to wonder how quickly I could remove them.

"Jasper! I want to go through the journals with you…" Her eyes looked so hopeful as she looked up at me. "Please…" she finished in a husky whisper.

"How about…" I spoke softly gently running my fingers through her hair as I started kissing my way down the slope of her neck. "We take a much needed brake from our little quest" I bit her shoulder as I trailed my hands down her back pulling her into me needing her to fell just how much I wanted her. It had been to long since our bodies had communed. "I need to be in you darlin" I not so gently pushed her to the ground as my breathing became harsher, my need to possess her pushing all other thoughts from my mind. I laid her more gently onto her back as I unbuttoned the unconventional garment that she had just slipped into. She moaned as she dug her fingers into my hair and arched her body into me. I closed my eyes and thanked all the gods for the woman in my arms.

Much later we were both dressed and ready to start reading her life in words, her life without me, a thought that made me both sad and grateful for somewhere in me I knew she had needed that time to be ready for what I was. I leaned into a tree as she rested nestled in my arms, the first of the many thin volumes in her hands. Even in stillness she hummed with energy, she was like a fairy from the old folktales or a pixie from the legends passed around campfires in my other life. She handed me the dark leather bound book and snuggled into me as I opened to the first page.

Alice

He read in silence his emotions a mixture of curiosity, awe, respect and gratitude. His emotions rolled thickly off of him flowing through us both. I leaned my head back into his chest as I watched his fingers lovingly turn each page. I had felt his love for me but it was new and mine had grown over time, it had matured much like wine flowering from something fresh to something deep and complex. As I sat with him gathered in his arms I felt his love changing as if each word intensified and deepened what he already felt. I had left very little out of my journals chronicling almost every part of my life away from him. The only things I had left out were the visions I had of him in his old life. First some were to painful to put to paper, his times with his maker Maria. As unfair as it was the thought of his being with her wounded me.

At times he would lean down and kiss my head or whisper how much he loved me and my entire body sang as I felt his gratitude and love whisper through me. I had worried that reading about my first and only failure would make things difficult for him but all he did was gather me closer and whisper how proud and happy he was that I was in his world. He read about every experience, how much I missed him and how much I looked forward to being with him someday. He also read about our family the one that unknowingly waited for us in the not to distant future. He seemed amused and somewhat disbelieving that they would ever really be a family to him. Those moments made me sad and he turned me in his arms and softly said that he would do whatever it took to make me happy for that moment it was enough.

It took four weeks to read through everything only because he did it at human speed as if by taking his time in digesting each word he could somehow be there with me in that time. I loved him all the more for taking such care with what I had poured my heart and soul into for him. There were times when we would stop and make love having been so moved by the words I had cobbled together trying to convey all I was feeling for him, but always we returned to where he had stopped and continue the journey into my past at least the only past I could remember. Other times we would leave to go and feed working hard to continue to keep our distance from any human population.

We would return to our spot and continue reading. He seemed more upset than I that I could not remember my human life. It did not matter to me in the least because it did not include him or our family making that past unimportant. We sat and loved each other in that little clearing while he read and I listened to the subtle movements of his body and immersed myself in all he felt as he took in each word each phrase.

As he closed the last book the sun was above us and our bodies sparkled and gleamed as the daylight poured over us. I felt him lean his chin on my head and I closed my eyes enjoying everything he was feeling for us. There were stronger traces of hope and happiness as he inhaled deeply burying his nose in my hair. I closed my eyes and hummed happily at where I was. After waiting for so long I was finally where I wanted to be, in his arms, it had all been worth it. I thought of the first moment I remembered looking at my new body and the feeling of freedom, the vague wondering of how I had gotten to such a place. As I leaned forward to get up I felt my body slip away as my mind phased into another place.

I was in different clearing yet this place felt old there were trees and plants I had never seen before and before me stood the oldest tree I had ever seen, so tall it seemed to block out the very sky. At its base growing wild were flowers with petals that from the base of each petal flowed the deepest red that diluted into the brightest white I had ever seen. Looking at the flowers made me feel the deepest kind of sadness, I knew I was missing something important but I could not puzzle out what it was. The flowers were splashed closely to the tree except for an errant patch a few feet away where they seemed to find the soil to their liking. We needed to go there to that place and as I looked up the breeze blew large leaves of the trees giving me a glance at the stars in the night sky and I knew which direction we would need to head in.

Jasper

"Alice!" her eyes were blank as she sat before me, she did not seem to hear me at all. Her body was limp and unresponsive and my mind was racing with terror unable to grasp at any solution. "Alice… Babe… please come back!" I wanted to scream to shout but my terror was too strong making my words barely a whisper.

I held her for hours as I waited unwilling to do anything but stay by her side. Slowly I felt her body gain tension as she blinked and looked at me with the most radiant smile I had ever seen. Before she could speak I attacked her lips, the relief at having her back so strong it left me speechless.

"Wow! Jasper you've got the most amazing lips" she giggled as I trailed kisses onto her cheeks, gently kissing her eyes and ears and every part of her face.

"Darlin' you scared the life out of me!" I joked as I buried the terror I had endured in her absence, not wanting to have her suffer my black emotions.

"I know where we need to go next…" she said casually as she trailed her fingers down my neck making my skin explode with relief and desire. She stood up suddenly and twirled in her 'blue-jeans' and silky shirt. "We need to hunt first…" she looked at me as I sat on the ground looking at her knowing she could feel my confusion. "Race you!" she laughed as she took off faster than light.

Alice

I was impatient to get to the place I had seen in my vision. I had felt connected to that place and I was impatient to get there. We had fed well just inside of the North American border and were headed into the low lying canyons that divided North from South. Jasper was indulging my eccentricity and willingly walked beside me without question as to where we were headed.

We managed to stay away from the small villages that dotted this new landscape and found richer and wilder game than we had been accustomed to. Hunting here was easier though the inhabitants were much more rural and tended to stray far from their home grounds. Still we continued on looking for that place who's call grew stronger with each step that we took.

Jasper

As the terrain changed from mountains to jungles my mind wandered as it often did to the four failures I had fallen into since that day in our first field. Each instance ripped a new sorrow through Alice yet she never ceased to amaze me with her unwavering loyalty and love. It was no hardship to trust that she needed to go somewhere without really knowing why. We had traveled well out of what was familiar going deeper into the primitive lands in South America. I had needlessly worried that we were traveling too close to Maria's territory but Alice had a built in radar that led us safely through that territory. I had asked her many times if she had some destination in mind but she would simply smile and say it just 'felt' like the right way.

I followed, willingly, happy to just be by her side despite the growing curiosity of what our destination would be. This place was old in a way that our own land seemed young it shimmered with the feel of time having dug deep here. The stone I had taken to carrying in my pocket grew warmer by degrees as we journeyed further into this unfamiliar world.

Alice abruptly came to a stop a look of absolute wonder playing across her features as she caressed a crumbling stone structure before us.

"They were here" her voice suddenly warm and filled with love. She was talking about the Cullens, I locked my jealousy inside not wanting her to feel the resentment at the knowledge that there were others who held a part of her heart. I often wondered how I would be able to live as she hoped, sharing her with them, as the days passed I kept a weak prayer that she would change her mind and want to be only with me. I disliked that her voice always filled with longing and love when she spoke of them and she spoke of them often.

"Exactly who darlin?" I asked as casually as I could.

"Edward, Carlisle and Esme…" she smiled slightly gently running her hands over the crumbling stone. "I saw them here a long time ago, they were laughing about Edwards fastidious eating habits" she closed her eyes and sighed before turning into my arms and holding me close. As always I gathered her close and inhaled her delicate scent. "You will learn to love them too!" she whispered fervently. "I promise you! You will love them as much as I do!"

Alice

We were almost there excitement was skipping across my skin as I broke through the dense greenery that choked everything around it. Jasper was slightly ahead of me playing the part of bodyguard. There were scents here that were completely unfamiliar to us, not human but not quite vampire something that slipped through the cracks in my vision.

"Alice, I think this is it!" Jasper exclaimed just as excited about the discovery as I was. "Fuck!" He shouted as he threw the small stone he carried out of his pocked into to the flowers lying at the base of the familiar tree just ahead of him.

"What was that?" I asked urgently as I rushed to his side.

"The stone, it was blazing" He responded confusion evident in both the emotions surrounding him and the looks crossing swiftly across his features.

I took a moment to look around and gasped. There was something at the edges of my memory but as much as I grasped it was like vapor disappearing but teasing with it's hint of substance. I dropped to my knees looking at the flowers that had elicited such a strong emotional reaction in me.

My body twisted with sorrow, as I looked into the heart of the delicate flower just inches from my face. The color at the base of each petal was blood red but as it progressed up the delicate surface it gradually lost strength till finally washing into the brightest white. The scent was intoxicating a mixture of light sunny days and deep dark nights. Jaspers stone lay in the center of the heart shaped patch and as I looked it sank into the rich earth as if the roots of the flowers claimed it for its own.

A voice echoed in my mind deep and rich and familiar though I could swear I had never heard it before.

"If we should part my little Alice… I hope you find joy in this new life, it is a burden and sacrifice but I hope it brings you more than your first has done."

Jasper

I knelt beside Alice and took her hand needing the physical connection to her. Something lived here and it was powerful, more powerful that any vampire could ever hope to be. I felt it in my very bones. There were deep emotions yet I could not place the source. At my first steps into the clearing it was a jumble of pain and loss and as I reached into my pocket as I had done so many times before and grabbed the stone without a thought before flinging it out of my hand in surprise at finding it unbearably hot. As soon as the stone touched the soil the emotions changed around us changed everything blazed bright white, the tree that stood before me glowed with it, the flowers that had overtaken it base shimmered and danced. Somehow that stone had come home, it had been meant to come here. I was dumbfounded, how hade fate twisted our lives to where I would come across this stone in my weakest moment brought me to my mate and found a way to bring it home? There was so much I was only beginning to realize that we just did no know, there were powerful forces in this world that we would maybe never truly understand.

As I pulled Alice to her feet I felt a change in the tenor of the feelings surrounding us, gratitude, thanks and closure.

"It's time to go Darlin'" I whispered as she looked up to me her face showing the deepest sorrow. "It's ok hon, whatever brought you here it's been done, it rests now." She smiled then getting to her feet slowly she moved instinctively into my embrace.

"Jasper it's time to go home" she whispered. I knew what she meant, our wanderings were coming to an end. She was ready to be with her family and I loved her enough to want it for her. Taking a steadying breath I nodded unable to speak for fear of betraying my unease at what tomorrow could bring.

They left that place unaware that in a few hours time the entire clearing would be covered in the blooms of the flower borne of sorrow in a time long before they had even existed. A time where humans understood the power of the mind and held a magic in their hands that had been long forgotten. Pure love had entered the clearing and had helped reunite three hearts freeing them to move onto the next world together. Freed and now able to come together and be transformed.

Fate had no hand as Jasper had mused but there was a power, a trinity, that had guided them there it was one older than time itself, it had helped create all that was real and would exist long after all was gone… Something so strong death could not destroy, so simple hate could not take away something so beautiful time could never dim… it had given birth to what was and what would be and it waited as it always did for nothing lives alone and it lived in everything…

"And now these three will forever remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

Please, Please review :)

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><p><strong>So my dear readers what did you think?<strong>

**What do you think of their journey?**

**What about that last place that they journey to?**

**Reviews would be greatly appreciated **


	10. Chapter 10

DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer, I am just letting my imagination loose on them for a bit

Hello all I know it's been a while and I have wanted to continue this story but found that I had no words filling up my brain as it did with the first chapters in this story. I'm going to attempt to keep this going so show me some love and review so that inspiration will keep on flowin'!

As always thank you to all who are taking the time to read my work, I love putting it out there and sharing it with you guys.

Enjoy!

HOMECOMING

Jasper

Our time alone together was coming to an end getting shorter with each step forward. I had managed to postpone the 'family reunion' for a month by asking to visit with Peter and Charlotte.

Peter was beside himself with joy at seeing my change in circumstance. He had thought me destroyed long ago. Charlotte could not hide her relief and was able to let go a huge burden of guilt she had been carrying because of my departure. I realized in that visit that I did have a family of sorts. Peter for all intent and purposes was a brother to me, and through him Charlotte was part of that relationship.

Alice was happy to meet them both and was even happier to recount 'our story' or rather a constantly interrupted version. She tended to go into incredible detail and there were certain… intimate things I did not feel we needed to share. She would roll her eyes at me but comply with my wishes. We visited for only a few weeks at which time we parted ways. Peter had made a disastrous attempt to hunt with us but was unable to stomach the taste of animal blood. Privately he shared that he wasn't sure how I could do this, I assured him it was simply an acquired taste though I myself had yet to acquire it.

We were 'moments' away from meeting the Cullens, according to Alice. I was doing my best to contain my mixed bag of emotions for her sake. I was a jumble of jealousy, worry and plain ol' confusion. I understood her need for these strangers and a more rational part of me wanted the support she would get from them, but a selfish part of me wanted her all to myself with no others to influence her. My long life had taught me that nothing ever really is forever not even our lives and as certain as she was now of our love time had a way of corrupting everything.

We walked up what had started as a wild and over grown trail that was quickly turning into a well manicured path leading us to what Alice believed would be our new home. That word alone seemed so foreign to me. Home. What vampire had a home? Headquarters maybe… for a time… but a home? All of my doubts and fears threatened to break the surface of my outward calm every fear of loosing her to this unknown coven. Why couldn't I be enough! Why was I so weak! I felt her little hand taking mine and immediately felt the relief I always found at her touch.

I reminded myself that she already loved these people and that she had been waiting a long time to get to them. I was suddenly grateful that she had sought me out first, that I had been more important for her to find, it gave me the feeling of prior ownership… I shook my head in disgust. I did not own her, I certainly could not control her… But I needed her, without her I would not survive. Therein lay the root of all my misgivings. She loved them too… and if worse came to worse would she choose me over them…

"Every time my love" Alice whispered to me knowing my thoughts as always… I could never keep anything from her. Squeezing her hand gently I resolved to bury my selfish desires and let her have her 'family', however bizarre I found it to be.

The path opened up to what turned into a beautiful garden. Just as suddenly I was bombarded with a cacophony of warring emotions, the strongest was a the need to protect, to destroy and remove any possible threat, these were distinctly feminine emotions. The other two were simply different degrees of curious and they held no hostility towards us. We were now facing a two level home made up almost entirely of glass, I could see three distinct figures beyond the closed front door.

The warrior female wanted to incapacitate us first and ask questions later. This one had to be Rosalie, Alice described her as strong willed and a bit self serving though she had a softer side that would show itself in time. From the tenor of her emotions I wondered if Alice was being entirely too optimistic.

I tensed as I heard movement towards the door, hearing it Alice tried to dance past me practically vibrating in her excitement. I caught her at put her behind me unwilling to have her anywhere near these strangers before I could assess any possible dangers, the female I knew could present a problem. Just as I was about to step forward the door opened slowly and carefully almost at a human speed.

Only since my meeting with Alice have I ever felt something this powerful. Carlisle Cullen! Words dessert me at this first encounter. This vampire was the antithesis of everything I had come to know of our kind. Each and every one of us was at all times tinged with the hunger that came with being one of us. Yet here before me stood a being bathed in a color out of the spectrum of human understanding! There was no underlying hunger anywhere in his aura, it was fresh and clean.

I felt his eternal hope, I could see the sincerity of his soul ringing through the spiraling blades of color that hugged his entire being. He would never try to take my Alice, this man was all that was good in this world. His essence was faith, elation it was wisdom beyond any understanding. It eased my fears and rage at having to share my precious Alice. As soon as I began to relax I was pummeled with the warrior woman's absolute fear and her need to protect, I could almost taste it. I reacted without thought crouching before my love ready to defend her against any attack.

Just as I moved I heard a hiss from within, a female voice saying how she told them, that they were too trusting, too naive. Then in less time than the thought could form she stood before us crouched and ready for attack. Rosalie! It could have been no other, her beauty all that Alice had said it would be, though it did not touch me. She had moved instantly out the door and placed herself between Alice, myself and Carlisle.

"I will rip you apart before you lay a hand on him" she snarled at me. Her eyes showing the truth of her conviction. My mind had already found more than a dozen ways of incapacitating her before she got within a yard of my Alice.

"Stop it! Jasper! Rosalie!" Alice chirped from behind me finally visible to the two startled vampires before us. "We mean you no harm, I promise… Jasper's just… very protective, you'll get used to it I promise." She finished her voice brimming with her joy at finally coming home. She quickly danced to my side hands clasped before her a blinding smile shining from her face.

"Carlisle! Oh Carlise! ..and Esme…" she tried to see past the two knowing her surrogate mother was somewhere within. She couldn't seem to contain herself as she jumped up and down squealing with excitement her utter bliss at seeing them overwhelming almost every one of my senses, I looked at her in awe, she had been holding back, I had sensed her need to come here but not this depth. There was no turning back now. As I glanced back up to Carlisle I saw the incredulous smile on his face.

"Well, it seems we have quite a bit to talk about?" Carlisle smiled as he motioned us inside.

"Alice!" Alice responded "and Jasper. It's Alice and Jasper." She took my hand and pulled up the front steps of the wrap around porch. We moved past the seething beauty who did not allow us to displace her from protecting her leader. It was an interesting procession to my mind. As we all made our way through the threshold, we finally saw Esme, her light was tinged in mellow pinks and blues with deep dark currents of white light that strengthened and expanded as she looked upon the members of her coven.

"Where are Emmet and Edward" Alice asked innocently. Rosalie bristled at their names and made a move to intimidate her. But I growled low, warning her to keep her distance. In that instance she took a better look at me and involuntarily stepped back, a gasp escaping her lips. She had finally noticed, it was unusual not to have my battle scars be the first thing anyone saw of me, my kind had learned long ago there was much to fear from me. Still, she had been in her red haze, prepared for battle and ignoring anything else. She was foolish in not assessing a danger before reacting and I smirked at her thoughtlessness.

"What…" Rosalie spoke in a softer tone seeming to understand just what stood in her midst. "Who… What do you want with us?" Her determination to protect had not lessened, yet she now seemed to understand that she was not enough and her frustration was clear in the nervous glances she kept darting to all in the room as if now trying to see who she could protect best and finding the answer unsatisfactory.

Alice who had finally had enough made a move towards Esme wanting desperately to embrace her. Rosalie's reaction was swift and beyond my expectation. I was caught completely off guard. As Alice stepped in Esme's direction Rosalie moved in between them pushing Alice away straight into my arms with a strength that almost staggered me.

"Do not touch my mother!" she roared. Her face was a beautiful picture of fury and fear. Esme had come forward as soon as she had seen the tearful expression on Alice's face, instinctively knowing she needed some sort of comfort.

"Rosalie! Enough! Please! Let's all be seated… we should sort out what we have before you decide to treat them as the enemy." Carlisle's voice was firm and ringing with absolute authority. That is all it took, Rosalie moved quickly to Esme's side and put her arms around the smaller female unwilling to leave her unprotected. She kept sending worried glances towards her maker as he took a seat near us.

So it began, we all sat tense and expectant as Alice took the lead. She explained what she could of her beginning, of her visions telling them of times that she had seen them. Of her preparation to be one of them. She left all but our inimate moments out, recounting every single part of her journey to me and then our journey to them. She threw longing glances at Esme and Carlisle as she told them that they basically helped raise her in this new life through her visions. Esme sat forward as if now needing to take Alice into her arms, her love already growing right before my yees.

Their faces were a mixture of shock and amazement, even Rosalie seemed to finally see that we were not here to harm and relaxed her stance towards Esme.

Carlisle was beaming right alongside Esme, just as she had with me the white light that was Alice brimmed over and enveloped them joining with Esme's own maternal light. Carlisle was exuding a strong wave of accepatance as if officially taking his place as her father his feeling twords me as yet undetermined. It was clear he was delighted to see his small family grow. He already claimed Alice as his own as did Esme, I could see it shining out of the both of them. I offered nothing simply sat sentinel holding Alice's hand waiting for the final verdict.

"Alice, you are a marvel" Carlisle stood abruptly and opened his arms to her. She flew at him and I could hear her dry sobs as she fell into his embrace. "I guess you knew I would say that" he laughed his voice filled with awe. He had accepted her words without doubt. Esme moved to them and gave Alice her own welcoming hug.

I stood alone watching them come together, fearful that her need for me would dim over time before fading away into nothing leaving me to my doom. I stood there knowing I would never let her go and in the end it could destroy her. I tore my gaze away unable witness what I felt was the end of how things were with Alice.

In less time than it took for me to shift my sight Esme stood before me gently taking my hand in hers. I looked down that that small connection, lost to all emotion but my own. Suddenly I felt a warmth seep from her to me, her chaotic emotional light was light but strong, filled with faith and hope. She wanted me to be her son, she wanted to take the role as a mother. As I stood there looking at her small delicate hand, I had the sudden thought that I did not need her care, that I all I needed was Alice. Yet, when she spoke my heart so recently resurrected cried out for yet another link to a life filled with peace rather than war. For a moment I saw a picture clear in my mind of what could be, of what this could be not just for Alice but for me as well.

"Jasper?" She said my name as a question waiting quietly for my response.

"Yes, ma'am?" I replied still unable to look at her. So afraid that despite the utter calm I sensed that by looking at her she would truly see the monster that I was and turn away.

"Jasper? May I hug you to welcome you into our family?" She whispered.

"Yes ma'am!" I whispered back, hope taking root. Here I stood a warrior, feared by all who knew me being welcomed into a family by a wisp of a woman who wanted me to call her mother. How strange this existence. I wasn't quite ready by any stretch, to be her son but I felt my mind open to the possibility. I saw that this life could be possible… with the help of these odd vampires.

I took the small fragile woman into my arms taking in every shred of hope and care she sent to me and began to slowly understand a very real truth. Alice wanted the Cullens she didn't need them. She was strong and in another world where they did not exist she would survive and still be the amazing woman she is. As I took in all that was Carlisle and Esme I finally understood! It was me! I needed them, with all of their help I had a chance at becoming better than what I was. I turned to Alice as I felt her incomparable joy. She took my hand as I continued to hug her mother and I felt her love, stronger than ever brighter than the sun and that, right there gave me the peace I needed to let go of the last of my anger. I could share her with these people and it would be ok. Alice kissed my palm as I let Esme go filling me with her love and joy at my willingness to accept this.

Carlisle clasped my shoulder filling me with his acceptance and patient understanding. "It is an honor Jasper…" Carlise whispered to me looking me straight in the eye "…welcome home, Jasper, welcome home!" And as I met his gaze I could swear he knew how much I wanted to change not just for Alice but for myself as well.

"So…" Alice finaly broke the silence. "Can everyone help me move Edwards stuff to the Garage?" A smile playing across her lips.

"Let me show you the way" Rosalie replied as she jumped up from the couch laughing for the first time. She eyed Alice critically, taking in the designer clothes and shoes. "I think Alice, we are going to get along just fine…. And maybe you can help me with Emse she is thus far a total loss in the world of fashion."

Next: MEETING MY BROTHERS (Alice POV)


	11. MEETING MY BROTHERS

DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer, I'm just letting my imagination loose on them for a bit….

It's been a while, I fully intend to be better about updating. My laptop blew up on me, broke my heart! Rewriting the two chapters I had already completed was tough, major writers block. I've re-read all the books to put me back in the right frame of mind as well as some wonderful work by other fan fiction authors who have written each story from Edwards point of view. So without further ado… Here is

MEETING MY BROTHERS

Alice

We had finished moving all of Edward's things to the garage, a task that seemed to leave Rosalie in fits of pleasure. She didn't help as much as direct the rest of us in the removal of all of his belongings. I had of course been careful with all of his things refusing to follow Rosalie's suggestion of just throwing everything out of the windows. I had planned ahead and all of our things were waiting for us in a truck by the road near the head of the trail that led to our new home. Carlisle and Jasper had gone to get it as Rosalie and I sat around the dining table discussing a shopping trip that we had both bullied Esme into going to in the morning.

I was happy, completely and utterly happy, this was the third beginning of my life. The first had been waking to this wondrous life and the second had been of course finding Jasper. We ware currently close to Port Orford, Oregon near the Rogue River-Siskiyou National Forest that was currently suffering from an over population of black bears. Something that we could certainly help with. Carlisle was working the night shift at Curry General Hospital while Esme renovated our current home. Rosalie and Edward were going by the name of McCarty while Emmett, Carlisle and Esme were going by Masen. I would be going by Whitlock. The plan was to stay in the area for three years and move on to Canada to stay with the Denali family until new plans could be made. At which point everyone had looked at me to see if I knew what was coming next. I then explained that until definite decisions were made the future was a kaliadascope of possibility.

Edward, Emmett and Rosalie were going to be starting at Pacific High in two weeks, Emmett & Rosalie as Jr's and Edward and now myself as Sophomores. By unspoken agreement Jasper would not be joining us in this tradition until he felt he could handle the situation. He did not seem happy about the upcoming separation but thankfully he seemed to understand my need to participate. Not that we expected to be asked and my looking into the future showed that we would not need to but we layed out all the groundwork for Esme 'homeschooling' Jasper, just in case anything changed as things tended to do.

Hearing the truck, Esme and I stood up to go and help bring in the pieces that would go into Jasper's and my room. Rosalie stayed seated looking through the magazine that we had been going over earlier. It took us less than half an hour to situate everything to my satisfaction. After which Rosalie and I bonded over my wardrobe and vast shoe collection.

I was home and I knew my joy was overflowing. We needed our family to make it. Jasper needed all of us to make his life better and I was looking forward finally starting this part of our adventure.

Edward and Emmett had gone hunting, Rosalie had refused to go because as much as she loved Emmett she hated how playful he was with his food and had opted to go with Carlisle and Esme. Though Carlisle would never say so, both he and Esme had hoped to get some private time during this hunting trip. I quickly stepped in and suggested that once Edward and Emmett returned that Rosalie join Jasper and myself to which she reluctantly agreed.

Soon everyone was busy concentrating on their individual interests as I sat on the front steps waiting to meet my brothers. Jasper sat beside me quietly playing with my hair as he hummed. I had suggested several times that he take some time to talk to Carlisle but he had refused not wanting to leave me to meet the two vampires that were due to arrive at any minute. I knew that he would have no issue with Emmett who already had a mate but rather Edward who was for all intent and purpose alone and to his mind posed a threat. He had refused to listen to all my assurances that he was only a brother to me but he had muttered that he trusted me but not the unknown Edward.

So we sat and waited as I concentrated trying to pinpoint the moment that he would be able to hear my mind. Just as Jasper leaned in to kiss my neck I felt my extra sense stretch out to alert me, now was the time. "Hello Edward" I thought "Welcome home dear brother" I put a smile into the thought. I could hear their steps quicken as they caught our scents on the trail in. Jasper sat up straight beside me catching their emotions as they got closer. Something in them seemed to put him on alert.

As they came into the front garden they stopped abruptly catching site of us. I could hear everyone inside moving quickly to the front door. Edward stopped a look of utter confusion on his face as he looked at me. I was sharing all that had happened since our arrival through my thoughts and I could see him trying to make sense of them.

"Rosie!" Emmett called out "Babe, what's going on?" though he sensed no danger he needed confirmation that she was ok. Rose ran out the front door and launched herself into his arms. Jasper tightened his hold on my arm as he felt what I was sure was a firestorm, of erotic emotions, coming from the happy couple who were now doing some things better not done in public.

"Rose and Emmett take it inside please" Esme called out exasperated as she preceded Carlisle out the door. I could hear her quiet amusement.

Emmett looked up as Rosalie continued to attack his neck smiling. "I guess introductions will have to wait" he laughingly responded as he carried Rose to the side of the house where once out of sight the sounds they were making became even more intimate.

"Well, I'm sure it will come to no surprise but you will have to get used to that sooner rather than later." Carlisle said breaking the silence. "They get worse if you make it an issue." He added as if an afterthought. Esme shuddered at his side as if recalling something.

"They have gone through four houses so far" Esme explained "there are times when I simply cannon have them under the same roof." Though the words seemed harsh I could hear that smile in her voice. Jasper seemed too still as I looked at him I realized he had never shifted his gaze from Edward as if he also was having his own private conversation with him.

"So… I'm guessing we have two new additions to the family" He spoke softly. He did not smile but his words were welcoming. I could see it then the slight lessoning in the faint lines of bitterness and sadness that were part of his face. This was the brother of my heart, and though the visions were undefined I knew that something good would be happening for him. If I knew more I would tell him but as yet it was to obscure to make sense of.

He looked at me then, hearing my wishful thoughts and smiled for the first time since arriving.

"Welcome Alice… Jasper" He stepped forward slowly sensing the that moving to quickly would be dangerous around Jasper. I knew it was to soon, but I was willing to wait for us to become the brother and sister that we were meant to be. I would bring him some peace to an existence he found long and colorless.

"Shall we step inside and get to know each other better?" Carlisle said in a voice that was more a gentle order rather than a request.

Jasper

He looked younger than I had anticipated, he looked as if he had been turned at 17 or 18 no more than 19 would be my guess. Alice had told me of his gift and I had been prepared. I could feel the expectant excitement radiating out of Alice as she sat beside me but as much as I wanted to I could not kill the jealousy at the relationship she had spoken of with a special warmth. I needed him to understand my claim on her.

As he stopped no more that eight yards from us I could feel his concern, his need to make sure that his family was safe. His need to protect caught me off guard. As he finally looked at Alice all I could feel from him was curiosity but no heat, no attraction. I could not understand how any unattached male could not want her but then I realized she was my mate as such my reaction to her was singular.

At Carlisle's insistence we went back inside to sit comfortably in the living room. Edward simply stared at us listening to our thoughts saying nothing. Alice beamed at him as he slowly gave her another smile seeming to understand her need for it. I realized suddenly that I was not so much jealous but concerned that he would not be kind to her. I knew that when I had first encountered Alice, my reaction to her was instantaneous I had trusted everything she said to me and believed it as the truth it was. I had not realized that a part of me had worried that these strangers now family would not welcome her as she needed to be welcomed. I had worried that the love she had nurtured over the years for these bizarre vampires may not be returned. As I looked at each face around us I chuckled realizing how blind I had been. How could they not love her? She was perfection.

Esme

My family was growing! I could not contain my joy. I now had a new daughter and in time I felt confident I would have a new son. I knew that Jasper was uncomfortable but I could also see that he wanted to belong here. I could tell that this life would be especially hard for him. Alice had told me in hushed whispers of her concern. I knew the sacrifice it was to live against our nature and I vowed to do all I could to make his transition to our way as easy as possible but also to stand just as strong should he fail along the way.

I looked at my love as he spoke gently to Alice, detailing our current plans for our time here. He was so happy, I could see it in the sparkle in his eyes, dark now with his thirst. We would have to go soon and I smiled to myself thinking that maybe the good Dr. Cullen had a few surprises waiting form him in the forest.

Edward my darling boy was speechless as he sat taking in the newest additions to our family. He had grown more listless in the last ten years and my worry had grown wondering what we could possibly do to alleviate some of his suffering. Alice and Jasper had renewed my hope, this was possible, out there somewhere there was someone special for my beautiful son, someone extraordinary that would complete him and take away the growing darkness in him.

"Esme" Carlisle called me "time to feed my dear" He spoke softly knowing as he always did that I desperately needed to feed. His strength was my strength and I looked forward to our private time together. I quickly got to my feet and moved to Alice hugging her and touching Jasper's shoulder before heading out the door with the love of my existance.

"Be back soon kiddo's" I called with a laugh unable to contain my happiness "Please leave the house in one piece!" I added as an afterthought.


	12. Chapter 12 - WHAT IS FAMILY

FAMILY RELATIONSHPS

4 YEARS LATER

Alice

The search for the missing hiker had started only four hours ago, a hiker that would never be found. Everyone was tense and waiting, unsure of what the next step was, making my gift all but useless. That didn't stop the occasional looks from everyone who expected some sort of guidance. It frustrated me at times how much importance they laid on my sight when any whim could change most outcomes, these circumstances serving as the perfect example.

Jasper was standing rigidly by the door as if ready to take flight while Esme sat next to me desperate to go to him and try to alleviate his pain. She also knew he wouldn't welcome her comfort, he never did, from anyone, at times like this. Carlisle was due home any moment at which point decisions would have to be made.

Every once in a while the sound of something crashing and breaking would sound throughout the house. Rosalie was upstairs breaking everything she could get her hands on, hopefully only in her room, at least we all hoped she would stop there. She was angry though no one was quite sure exactly the reason. It was a toss up over whether we would have to move before we even had a chance to settle or because Emmett had sided with Edward over tracking down the 'possible' witnesses…

Edward had tried to console Jasper, all to no avail. I knew he was in pain, it was my pain as well, he was my soul-mate the other half of me and yet at these times when I knew he needed me the most he pulled away and isolated himself. I was hurt and angry that after all our years together he still refused to share these moments, I so desperately needed to help him yet he turned me away locking away everything he was thinking and feeling.

My heart hurt for everyone involved in this tragedy. Everything was chaos, a lost life, hurt loved ones, suffering and devastation all around, both in the human world and our own little family.

He had finally asked everyone to leave him to his thoughts, after we had all made our own individual attempts to reach him. His pulling away made me want to hold on tighter yet I didn't, unsure of what to do when he was so closed to me. I did what I could to send him my love, to make him understand that I was still his, that I would never leave him. But my anger kept bubbling up and getting in the way. He continued to stand apart from us looking out the window at things I could not even fathom.

The day had started innocently enough, Jasper and I had planned on going deep into the forest to hunt while Edward and Emmett had been heading back from picking up our new ID's and paperwork we would need in our new incarnations. Normally this would have been taken care of beforehand but our local source for all things 'illegal' had suddenly been arrested, by some twist of luck he had time to destroy anything incriminating for us but would still be going away for a good long while. This left us with no other option but to contact Arthur Jenks out of Seattle and though we had rushed our order we still needed to move to our new home before everything had been ready. That had been three days ago.

Carlisle had left early for his first day of work wishing us all a happy day. Emmett and Edward were due to arrive in a few hours. Then Rosalie as if possessed decided that she just had to go shopping and wanting some company simply told me I would be going with her, I hadn't foreseen any problems with Jasper going hunting with Esme and agreed to join her. Yet a series of last minute decisions made by to many people to count had led to this tragic drama we now found ourselves in.

Looking at my love my heart ached with his pain, he stood alone refusing to acknowledge us, to acknowledge me. We'd had several near misses over the years but Emmett and Edward had always been there to prevent any real harm, it seems we had gotten too complacent and now a lot of people would be paying the price.

I looked at him longingly still feeling nothing coming from him he wasn't projecting as he usually did simply still and silent as a statue. I felt cut away from him and my anger and hurt was bubbling slowly to the surface.

I shook my head sadly at what fate had written out for us this day. A group of friends suddenly decided to go hiking and through the usual male testosterone induced jibing and daring they had gone deeper into the forest than most would have thought prudent. One of them was to be married at the end of the week, the others friends he had grown up with. Good men for the most part all young and excited about their futures.

Jasper had been in a hunting frenzy when he had caught their scent, the groom having fallen and drawn blood. In an instant I could see what was about to unfold but was to far from him to step between him and his victim. Esme had been no match for his speed and had only been able to save the others by distracting Jasper and getting him to follow her.

Jasper had quickly grabbed the young man and run ripping into him and killing him almost instantly. He had not been seen but the mans' screams had been heard by his entire party and the rest… Well, the rest was to be determined. The friends had searched frantically but eventually they had gone for help. The body would never be found, Esme had held her breath and directed Jasper away from everything and everyone and they had buried the body deep in the heart of the forest.

It had not taken Jasper long to come back to himself and realized what he had done, and the devastation had completed its circle. He had begged Esme to simply leave him behind but she would not hear of it. They had made their way home where all but Carlisle waited for their return.

"Jasper, man it happens" Emmett's voice was unusually soft, " You have to accept it and move on…" He looked at Jasper as if expecting some response. "We have all been where you are."

"Not all of us you ass!" Rosalie screamed from above another crash punctuating her words.

"Most of us" Edward whispered from his place by the mantle. "Most of us know what your going through Jasper… You are not alone in this!" Edwards voice rising as he looked up directly at Jasper. Edward, outside of Jasper, had killed the most humans though none of us really wanted to keep a count, one was already too many.

We heard the door open as Carlisle stepped into the room, his face grim but determined. He made his way over to Esme hugging her briefly before turning to face in Jasper's direction.

"Really?" Jaspers voice was cold and dripping with venom as he turned towards us. "I'm not alone? Tell me Edward… have you killed an innocent? Have you ripped entire families into bloody pieces because you tried but failed to control your thirst?" He looked at each of us, self loathing flowing out from him in powerful waves. "Have you trained countless of newborns for battle only to destroy them when they have outgrown their usefulness.?" His body shook with the rage he was projecting his voice growing stronger and louder. "Do you live with the memories of the feelings of all those you have killed, eating at you breaking you down piece by piece?" His hands curled into fists as he moved into the room. "Do you destroy the one you love because of your weaknesses?" He was looking directly at me then his face a picture of sorrow and remorse.

"He did not want to die!" He roared at us suddenly. "I felt his sorrow for the loss of his life, not for himself but for those he loved!" He ran his fingers through his hair violently, his eyes wild with grief. "He was a good man, he had a love and he had wanted desperately to live!" His voice had gotten louder with each word. He stepped further into the room his gaze darting to each of our faces as his body vibrated with his wrath. "I have destroyed thousands of lives!" He fell to his knees his arms reaching for me.

I sat frozen as I gazed at him wondering if I had done the wrong thing trying to bring him into this life. Was I torturing him in my own way, forcing him to an existence he found unbearable?

Agony ripped through us all, his control crumbling making us all share in what he was feeling. He was devastated that I had not gone to him right away. "I am the definition of a monster, I have no regard for the lives I destroy!" He looked at me his entire being filled with disgust and fear. Silently he mouthed 'I still can't let you go.'

I stood then and walked to him slowly reaching him he put his arms around my waist and buried his face in my stomach weeping out his pain.

"I don't deserve to exist… I should have been destroyed long ago…" He whispered brokenly as he held me closer.

I thought about that for a moment and considered yet again. Could I live in a world without him? My entire being shied away from that thought unable to even picture the possibility. I would go wherever he went. I could no more exist apart from him than he could from me.

Calmly I moved back breaking his hold before going to my own knees before him and taking his hands in mine slowly kissing the back of each hand. "Oh my darling, darling man…" I looked up studying his agonized features. "I will join you if this existence is too much…" I brought his right hand to my lips again and looked at him deeply, letting go of all my sadness and grief and allowing my love for him to flow out of me. I had no judgment in me I was sincere in my words. "If this life is to much for you to bear… I will join you for whatever comes next… I will not exist without you… I will stand beside you in the fire and let this life go…" I saw as shock and anger crossed his features and quickly caressed his face. "Our time together has been full… You cannot go anywhere without me even death… I will always follow you, always be beside you" Our gazes locked and he pulled me into his embrace breathing raggedly into my neck.

The room was silent and I did not need Jaspers gift in order to feel the disbelief and horror that now surrounded us. I could hear Esme's sobs and Edwards teeth grinding. Emmett had stood up as if readying himself to prevent any action on our part.

"Are you insane!" Rosalie screamed as she ran down the stairs leaping over Emmett and landing only inches from where we were. "Jasper, grow a set!" She seethed as she ran a frustrated hand through her perfect hair gesturing to us wildly, she began to pace her every movement one of utter irritation. "Would you destroy our family so thoroughly? We have accepted you! Do you take that so lightly? You! Are! One! Of! Us!" She looked at Esme then, seeing her pain. If anything riled Rosalie it was anything that affected her mother. "We have all accepted this life and all that it entails." She turned then looking at Jasper willing him to look at her.

Jasper loosened his hold on me and returned her gaze confused and apprehensive.

"I did not want this life Jasper…" she gave Carlisle an almost apologetic glace before turning her gaze back to Jasper. "I wanted something entirely different or nothing at all…" She looked at Emmett then his face a picture of sadness, her own reflected his. We all knew her struggle with the limitations of our existence and Rosalie and to some extent Esme suffered the most for it. There was nothing any of us could do about it.

"That choice was not my own… as… as I'm sure is the case for most of us… I've made peace with that… I've found a place in this existence that I find I can be happy with, a place that is more than I deserve I think…" She moved to Emmett then cuddling into him as he wrapped his strong arms around her.

"Jasper… as part of this family" Jasper made a move to speak but Rosalie rounded on him with a vengeance. "Don't you fucking say Coven!"

Everyone gasped, turning quickly to see Esme's reaction. She did not condone foul language at any time. She looked like she wanted to say something but she held her tongue. Rosalie shrugged at her in apology before turning back to Jasper.

"You have no choice you and Alice are a part of us which means you have certain responsibilities…" He looked at her a question evident in his eyes. "they come with being one of us… Of course what you do affects us all! But, more importantly how you handle what can sometimes happen because of our nature also affects us." After quickly brushing her lips across Emmett's cheek she turned back to us.

"We are a family" she practically screamed the word "decisions are not made individually we decide together. You dear Brother" she emphasized the word brother. "No longer have the luxury of shutting us out. This life is hard enough to bear without breaking the bonds that we have here." She smiled weakly at Esme, breaking the embrace with Emmett as she walked towards our mother and taking her into her arms and whispering an apology in her ear.

Esme hugged her tightly before turning to us, her voice hoarse with emotion. "Jasper, though we may not have experienced what you have, please… so-… " We all new what she had wanted to call him but she quickly amended, unsure of how he would take it… "Jasper… please let us help you!"

Carlisle looked around at all of us and sat down heavily, and as if by some silent command we all did the same finding a seat and waiting for what he had to say. Carlisle looked at Jasper unflinchingly for a long moment before speaking.

"Jasper, we will do our best to help his family… from a distance… but we will not sacrifice one of our own for this tragedy." He held his hand up seeing that Jasper wanted to say something but wanting to finish first.

"I am what I am after centuries of struggle, I have never been perfect nor will I ever be. My beginning was as painful and soul shattering as each of yours was…." He looked at each of us love so evident on his face. He had accepted and cared for all of us and we loved him in return. He was father, councilor so many things to each of us.

"I have stopped questioning the will of God for my existence, I am grateful to a point… now… that I do exist, that we exist. There is a purpose in it, I may not understand what it is but I feel it in my heart. So many experiences have been mine because of my transformation… I do grieve for the danger our family poses… but… " He looked up then standing and moving towards us. " I believe strongly that whatever our purpose may be it is of the greatest importance!"

When he reached our seat he leaned over and placed a hand on Jaspers shoulder as if trying to lend him his strength. "If I could make this easier for you or any other here I would… it hurts me deeply that I can not offer you solace… I will say this…" His tone changed then becoming less soft and with an undertone of steel. "It is unfair that you bury yourself away from us, especially Alice! You do us all harm by not allowing us to help you through this."

Jasper flinched, glancing down to where our hands were joined on my lap. He looked at me then his expression unreadable. Carlisle released his shoulder sensing the change in him.

Then he did something he had never done before in front of the others, Jasper gathered me in his arms and wept, hoarsely speaking out his pain, sharing his agony through words, expressing his fear and wariness at his inability to adapt to our life. I held him close saying nothing simply being, there were no words that I could ever offer him to make this situation better, so I held him and listened.

Edward moved to the back of the seat and put his hand on Jasper's shoulder. Emmet and Rosalie moved in as well while Esme took the seat on his other side and hugged us both. Carlisle knelt down and put his hands on my back as he prayed for wisdom and comfort. We all simply gathered around him and listened offering no judgment but simple comfort and for now it seemed to be enough.

Jasper

I had been desperate to leave, to grab Alice and run as far away as I possibly could. I had taken the life of a man who had his own 'Alice'. I had felt his heartache, his quick understanding that he would die and it had deepened as his love for his woman had darkened to grief at the loss of so many dreams.

It had not stopped me, I had torn into him and fed only stopping when Esme had come up to me gesturing for me to carry the body and follow her.

We had traveled far finding a place to bury him and hide my shameful secret. It was all too much, I wanted to die to cease being. I was the weakest link in this family, not one of the others ever seemed to give in quite so easily. They were tempted, sure, but they almost always walked away. I did not have their strength and I worried that I never would.

I hated that I could not be more like them… more like Carlisle. Esme was trying so hard not to crowd me but I could feel her need to comfort me and that added to the guilt. I did not deserved the level of concern that now enveloped me from everyone, even Rosalie.

I had killed a man, I had lost control of the monster within me and let loose a wave of destruction that would touch too many lives. Again!

We were all seated at the dining table, Alice beside me while we faced Carlisle and Esme. Edward was sitting to our right and Rosalie and Emmett to our left.

"Well Jasper… the decision is really up to you. If we stay, you will have to remain housebound, for the most part, hidden for at least two years… though honestly I think we should simply head to Denali and work with you on building your resistance." Carlisle looked around the table at each of us, calm assurance and clear devotion to us evident as he spoke.

His light had not faded or changed since I met him. Except, of course, when he was near Esme then his light shown brighter and deeper, a coalescence of tones that was beautiful and serene. In the few years we had lived among them it did not cease to fascinated me how his leadership was one borne of love and respect rather than fear and violence, so very different from what I had known in my early days.

He was by no means human but seemed to be so much more than mere vampire. There had always been something peaceful about Carlisle that seemed to calm every situation. It was obvious that everyone here loved and respected him. Alice had told me that Rosalie had hated him after her transformation, something I couldn't really fathom. She had tried to hurt him at every turn for condemning her to this life. Time had healed her relationship with him and now she was as fiercely protective of him as she was of Esme.

There simply was no fighting against the sincerity of his soul. Rosalie in a rare moment of warmth had once shared that , she couldn't hate him after a time. His 'saving' her had come from his sincere grief of seeing her life ending in such a way. How could she continue to blame him, he had not known her but he had respected her right to exist and had done the only thing he knew he could do.

As I glanced around the table and measured all the options that had been presented… Well, all the options minus Rosalies that was too rude to recount. I thought carefully. I needed to learn to resist… and it seems my family was willing to help.

"I think that for now Denali seems like the best option, I need your help and that seems like the safest way to go about it."

Rosalie huffed in exasperation but looked relieved. Esme reached out and took my hand in hers sharing her acceptance and support. Emmett and Edward immediately started talking about the preparations that would be needed to make the move. No one complained or said anything to make the situation more difficult they simply moved on to what needed to be done next.

Then just like that everyone sprang into action fulfilling their standard duties when it came to moving us all on our next life. I felt it then, that amidst this latest tragedy I had finally accepted my place as part of this family.

Ok, first sorry for not updating sooner, between loosing a few chapters due to computer malfunctions (well more user related error) and a bit of frustrating writers block, and of course how hard it is to do this without a beta! HINT! HINT!

So no promises but I will do my best to finish up this story sooner rather than later.

I have outlined the final seven chapters and as soon as I get the next chapter completed I will be putting it up. I've decided to set up the goal of updating every other Saturday, so with luck I will have finished this story soon. I appreciate all of you who have taken the time to read, and please show me some love by leaving a review it really does make my day brighter.

So… seven more chapters to go and hopefully we will quickly see this story unfold. My plan is to leave them off as they start their time in Forks where the Saga began.


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